Princess...I agree with what you are saying...Sues..you're going to have to learn to change how you give him power for this to change. You can't make HIM change, but YOU can. Good luck.

I would love to do things with my husband, but every time I "invite" him to do something, he says no 99% of the time. That's why I feel like I need to do things on my own now. If he doesn't want to come, then it doesn't mean I can't go. I will keep trying. It's just that I'm a do-er, not a sit-back-and-watch type person. Sue

Sue, you see..this bothers me..there is a sadness (?) there that you don´t share so much together..I just kinda feel that you should think about this. Of course you do things on your own..but is that the way you want your marriage relationship to be? I am just lifting this to the surface..nothing else. Maybe if you don´t share, you can just as well be on your own and have more time for those that DO want to share with you? hmmm..

Thinking of you very often..you are in a tough place right now..but I am sure you´ll find yourself a way out of all your questions and thoughts..

Sue, I realize you can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink...
Sounds like hubby is that horse. I was going to suggest you offer to do things with him, his kind of things, men things but it sounds like he doesn't do anything!! Still you might try really hard to find out what he use to like or stil does, bite the bullet and do them with him. Yes, by all means do things alone as well or with a girlfriend. Some men are impossible to get moving but you need to be able to say honestly, you tried. Then if things seem hopeless, well, there are other options...

My SIL's husband is a couch potato and complains about everything but doesn't do anything to fix them...finally, she had enough and went off on this guy like there was no tomorrow. I mean she blew up (not physically) but let me tell you after she was finished with him he made a doctor's appointment to get his foot worked on and doesn't complain like he did. I'm not sure yet if she's pried him away from the remote control but it made her feel better getting everything off her chest and letting him know what a jerk she thought he was being.

What did you do together before you married?

Sues..you have some very positive ladies here..giving you ideas..and their lives work for them in different forms..

Thinking of you, sweetheart..so much!!!!

I am such a do-er. I did and continue to do all kinds of things. I horseback ride, run, play the drums and am working on a book as well as working and being home for the kids. He plays tennis, watches a ton of TV as I said and loves politics. So when I was trying to find something for us to do together, I found a democratic group that met once a month. We went for a while, but the meetings changed to Tuesday which was his tennis night, so that fell through. I've asked him to go to movies with me, asked him to go to a gallery opening (he's an artist), but he never seems to want to do anything. So now I say "What do YOU want to do?" I told him I'd try anything once. I make all the social arrangements and this weekend we will have some new friends over to dinner. Before kids we went to see movies, went to dinner on weekends, normal stuff. Then, you know, when the kids are young you're always so, so busy, there's not a lot of couple time. Actually we are going to "talk" tonight. We've just been going through the motions this week. I'll see what he says, where he wants this to go, etc. It's never easy, is it? Sue

Glad to hear you are having new friends over. I hope they have a great marriage and he sees that.

One suggestion is to hang out with couples that you think have healthy marriages. That helps. Hang with men and women who respect one another.

I just said a little prayer that you are both honest with your cmmunication when you have your talk. Remember, you once adored him. Go back to that feeling before your discussion and perhaps you will be able to speak in love instead of frustration. A positive tone of voice helps.

Sending healing thoughts your way.

It sounds like there's a lot going on. I, too, send my prayers for heartfelt and honest communication. I also second the recommendation for the book.

Latino men may have a different slant than others, particularly depending on how they were raised. We have friends where the man is a Latino married to a fairly independent non-Latino woman. They bickered so much that at times I would leave the room after explaining how it really bothered me. They've pretty much stopped doing it around me, which is a relief! I think their marriage has also calmed down as well.