I keep thinking about what one of the women here said their granny use to say to them, whose shoes are you wearing? I don't know you, I don't know your hubby, and I certainly don't know what has transpired in your 21 years of marriage, so I won't tell you to divorce him. Besides, that isn't what you asked. You wanted to know what to expect if and when you moved forward.

Expect what you prepare for...by that I mean if you are seriously going to leave, what preparations have you made for your new life? Do you know exactly what your husband makes? If he has any hidden accounts? Where will you live? How will you live? What will be your NEW monthly income and outflow? Can you live off that?

What will you tell your children NOW and later. Cause later will come. I don't care what anybody tries to tell you, the children will be affected. They will have questions, even if they don't voice them. Some suffer in silence and the results of the divorce comes out LATER...much later and can be in the form of rebellion. Are you prepared mentally for this? Have you considered it?

Do you work? Can you take off whenever the children are sick?

Are you parents in good health? What will happen to your job if you have to suddenly become a caregiver?

Taxes...have you talked to an accountant?

Will you have to move? If so, will the children have to change schools? I hope not.

What will you do when your friends chose sides...and trust me, they will.

Do you have multiple cars? Is yours in good working condition or is his a better vehicle? Who pays for them? Can you afford to keep yours? Insurance? Maintenance?

The home...same questions.

Visitations for the children.

Do you have health insurance? If not, what will you do when the children get sick? If you do have health insurance, or if you can MAKE SURE through the divorce that HE continues to carry it, great. But let me tell you something, you need to be prepared (if he becomes bitter) for him to quit his job and have NO insurance. What would you do then?

If you don't hear anything I'm saying here, hear this. When it comes to divorce, people change. They become these people/or this person you don't even know. They get mean, hungry lawyers and they want it all...regardless of the children. This doesn't happen every time, but I feel comfortable in saying it happens more than not.

If you are going forward, prepare yourself. Get records of his income, your assets, his 401K, retirement, and health insurance. GET PROFESSIONAL ADVICE.

I notice that you are also asking in another post about your Mother in Law moving in with you.
I presume she would be giving up her home to do so.This factor has to be well thought out before you make up you mind.No older person needs to be unsettled at such a life changing time.Nor should you stay married due to the commitment to sharing a home with this lady.
Just my opinion.
Mountain ash

Within 8 hours, you first posted about a dull husband who watches tv and doesn't want to do anything, within minutes you posted about your mother-in-law moving in and stated you have two fairly young children, thirdly, you then posted about the fact that you're considering a divorce...all without tying one to the other. The three things don't go together at all and you need to consider many aspects of your life before doing anything .

Well you ladies have certainly given me a ton to think about. I think if kids weren't involved, it would be a pretty easy decision. Both of my kids are wonderful and actually "stick up" for me when Jorge gets on me. The other day it was actually funny. It was Friday night and I had to take the kids to the pediatrician and then my daughter to the eye doctor. We were there until 7:00. I had to ask my husband to go grab something for dinner because, god forbid he should ask if he can do something. We got home and I was exhausted. I was standing at the counter shoving some cheese and crackers in my mouth because Jorge got pizza for dinner (which I don't eat), and he says "Are you going to join us or what?" So Julian says "Dad, mom just spend like 4 hours with us taking us all over the place. Don't you think she needs a break?" It's amazing how insightful he is.
Anyway, they know their father; very gruff but very loving. That's one of the issues that drives me crazy is that he can yell at me one minute and grab my ass the next.
I make good money so I'm confident I could be on my own although I know he would never let the kids suffer financially. I am happy with myself and I can't imagine wanting to be married again. I would just want good sex!
But thank you so much. Keep that advice coming. It's wonderful to read so I can work things through in my head.

sues, take your time, make lists, talk with him about it, seek counsel, envision life without him, envision life with him - PRAY - seek God's will for your life, and eventually you will know exactly what to do for the good of your children and your self.

I'm happy to see you get back. Feel free to jump in other topics.

Well, I've been married twice. And I'm not perfect. I don't expect him to be perfect. Like Hannelore, some days I love him; some days I don't love so much. But 1 divorce is enough for me. Thank you! I rather live together separately than go through another d-i-v-o-r-c-e, as Tammy Wynette
sang.

I was going on other forums, but a lot of the "girls" were just too young. Then I thought about coming here. So I had had a lot on my mind. Over the holidays, the whole thing about my MIL came up, so I'm just trying to seek information about it. And the other post in marriage about my husband is directly related to how I feel about him. One of the reasons I'm considering all this is because I don't know if I want to spend the next 20 years with someone who is going to watch TV.
I have never said the word "divorce" out loud. I am seriously thinking about though and it will probably take me a year or two to move forward with it. Right now I'm thinking about how to plan for it. I wouldn't do it unless I checked everything out and decided it was right for me and my family. However, I am not willing to completely give up my happiness and my life for my kids. I do have my own business, make good money and could probably afford to buy a house on my own if need be. But I want to look at it from different angles and you all are giving me those angles to look at it from.

Sues,
I don't think MIL coming to live with you guys is the greatest idea I've ever heard. MIL's usually take their son's side in every darn issue. And that gets irritating.

Sues, if your plans are to go forward, I can't stress enough to you that you need to get PROFESSIONAL advice.

Also, Dotsie had an excellent resource recently who was an expert in divorce. Her web site is full of resources for anyone no matter what stage of the "divorce game" they are in. Here is the link:

www.themodernwomansdivorceguide.com

Talking among us is great to help you with the inside scoop on real life situations and what may have happened to others, and for hearing about these situations so you don't get caught up in the same dramas, but when it comes down to it....get professional advice.

Would you want ME going to court for you? I don't think soooooo! Just my two cents worth.

Amen, Jaw Jaw!
dancer