I've always counted myself blessed that I've been married to a man for 34 years that is willing to help. In fact, when my job took so much of my time in the 80s/90s, he was the housekeeper and cook a great deal. He, our two girls and I all shared house, yard and other chores.
Entry one in gratitude journal: a husband that cooks and cleans.

Like anything, every man (and woman) and every relationship is different in what works, or doesn't. This works for us right now. In my former marriage of 30 years, he was worse in some ways and better in others. He could be pretty helpless in the kitchen or in any type of housework. Yet when I had the stroke, he helped me in ways that maybe other men would have had difficulty doing. My hubby now was a bachelor for awhile and did it all himself, so I know he can cook and do laundry!! It's just that his responsibilities are huge here at home so I don't mind doing my part. If we lived in a condo, apartment or whatever, that would probably be different.

orchid, I know women who did nothing but complain about the way their husbands did things. Since they couldn't do them the way they wanted it done, they stopped asking. I think we have to give a little and not expect others to do things precisely the way we do. It helps.

gimster, love that gratitude entry!

ladyjane, whatever works, as long as no one feels like they have to do it all. That's where the resentment comes in.

COMMUNICATION, is without a doubt the most important element in any marriage or even other relationships.

You all know how much I adore my mother and how smart she is, well she has one major fault. I saw it affect her marriage to my dad and to all of us kids as well. She would rather drop over dead than ask anyone to do anything for her. She'd rather do whatever it was herself mumbling under her breath the whole time, how useless we all were.

Everyone has tried to tell her, just ask us, or even tell us what you want done. My grandmother explained this to her many times, it is no shame to ask for help with something. Her reply was/is, if they can't see it needs doing, I'm not aking them!!! My poor fathr suffered from this all his life with my mom. She still to this day hasn't changed in that one area...

Chatty, I am a little like that, but I am better. My passive-aggressive personality entered the arena of household chores. I would not ask for help, mumble under my breath, heave, sign, complain, and then, when he'd least expect it, I'd blow up with: "What's wrong with you that you can't help." He'd say, "Just ask." And it's true, all I have to do is ask. I still heave, sigh, and mumble and complain when doing housework, but I'm much more civil when asking for help. Except, this morning I picked up after him: the empty wine bottle, the empty cola can, a milk glass, a coffee cup, and sweats & jeans off the floor. He has an aversion to picking up after himself. I do think of the alternative: not having him around to pick up after. Plus, he made me shrimp scampi! L, PL

princess, there seems to be some give and take. Shrimp scampi sounds lucious. IS he a good cook?

chatty, I think a lot of women from our mom's generation lived like that. Speaking up for ourselves came woth the women's movement.

Yes, Dotsie, he is a career restaurant manager, in all concepts, such as BBQ, Mexican, even health food, and he is a great cook, and he improvises. Chicken parmesan, anyone?

I am so fortunate in that my partner is a huge help around the house. Since I am now working full time and taking classes, (he stays home and is remodeling our house) he does almost all of the vacuuming, cleaning, and all the cooking. In addition to the cooking, he cleans up after himself and loads and runs the dishwasher. He also has been known to do laundry, although that is usually my bailiwick. He's kinda cute because when he does do laundry, he calls me at work for directions! My responsibilities are to feed the creatures and give all of them their medicines, although he can do that, too, as long as I leave written instructions. Did I mention how fortunate I am??

His cleaning isn't up to my standards, but I let it go. He makes the effort, without being nagged, and that's good enough for me. Life is too short to fret over the little things.

Both my sons were taught to clean, cook, and do simple sewing, like re-attaching buttons. Oh, and iron, too. My daughters-in-law have told me how appreciative they are that both boys can do their share.

Yon, that's good to know that you impressed upon the "boys" their equality when it comes to housework.

You boomers with men that share in the housekeeping are lucky ladies. My hubby cooked for me before we got married.
He hasn't made one meal, since. He'll vaccuum the family room because that's where he spends most of his time.
But that's as far as it goes. I think guys will do just about anything before the little woman says, "I do." Then, the majority don't lift a hand to help with housework!!!
Kisses went out the window, too! I married into a family that's as independent as hog on ice. And I could give a r*&^ b*&^! LOL...