I've mentioned that my mother was diagnosed with terminal metastatic breast cancer and Alzheimer's. The cancer is squeezing the breath from her lung(s). The ALZ prevents her from fully understanding that she is dying from cancer. I had a difficult time finding hospice for her. 1) if a patient is on treatment, then most hospice won't help. My mother is on a hormonal treatment that MAY slow the progress and aggression of the cancer. 2) she was not given a definite amount of time (who can predict) and some hospice take patients when they are given 1 year or less to live. However, after much research, I think I found a hospice in AZ who will take my mother's case. If so, then my dad, her caretaker, will have respite care. My mother will have help bathing, as she is refusing to shower. I have power of attorney. I wrote to her neurologist and primary care physician outlining the changes in her behavior since her last visit(s). Neither doctor responded to my letters! What's up with that? It is very difficult being in CO while they are in AZ. Would anyone be so kind as to give me their thoughts, comments, or experiences with hospice? As a (former) social worker, I know only from the side of arranging for care. I don't know from the aspect of the family dealing with hospice. I'd appreciate any input. Thank you.

I just left a job in August with a visiting nursing group and worked primarily with hospice. I know that with us, we had a 6 month or less expectancy to be admitted into the program. Of course, often these patients lived longer. Hospice is really where my real passion lies. I loved working it. We also had a palliative care program where we would do essentially the same but often these people were still receiving some medical treatments. Hospice is generally for comfort only i.e. oxygen, medications, daily visits. Please keep us posted on what happens. Anything like this can only enhance her daily living and be very beneficial to those around her.

Thanks, LJ. She needs visits, as does my dad, who is at wit's end caring for her. He also needs help with her medications. He is blind in one eye, yet he has to read the teeny tiny printing on the medications to distribute to her each day. We boomers are talking about how we know we are right with ourselves and the world in another forum. I have the inclination to drop everything here and move in with them, but it is not my intuition, nor do I feel inspired to do so. Therefore, despite wanting to relieve them of their hardships, I know it is all right to do what I can from afar.

Yes it is, Princess....to do what you can from afar. My dad was caregiver for my Mom for 8 years (Alzheimers) and we all worried so about him. She may qualify for all kinds of help which would only relieve your dad and let him get much needed rest, hopefully. It's good you recognize your own limitations...so many families don't and then wonder why they're tense, exhausted and depressed!

Since April of 07, since we learned of my mother's metastatic breast cancer that is terminal, and since we learned she has Alzheimer's, I've been saying "hospice, hospice, hospice." But there was a whole lot of reasons she was not eligible for hospice, such as the fact that the oncologist is giving her a medication, not a cure, but a treatment to possibly slow the growth of the tumors. Well, finally, after writing many letters, making phone calls, researching, etc. all from one state to another, today I finally got word that Mom is accepted into a hospice in AZ. She will remain at home, but hospice will visit often, providing care and comfort not only for her but also for my step-dad, her caretaker. On one hand I feel that my tenacity paid off: I got her what she needed. On the other hand, it is a sad sad day to realize that her condition is indeed so terminal she needs hospice.

Princess Lenora,
I am in Tucson but no matter where in Arizona, if you need anything checked out, or anything done in person here in Arizona, I will be happy to help.

Please do not hesitate to PM me or email me if there is anyway I can help you in this hard time. I am a native here and can locate or get information on just about anything in a short amount of time, or quickly if it is an emergency.

My own mother has had to live with a caretaker and has been taken care of for almost 30 years! She has had her own home and has been placed in a home with a few other women, and she has lived in other arrangements as well over the years. This has left me knowing many people in the field of caring for parents after all this time. She was unable to care for herself since I was a girl and has also been unable to really remember much or retain enough for a relationship for all these years as well. She has needed care all this time. I have been through just about everything one can go through when being responsible for a parent.

Soon, I will again have to go to court to force my mother to have medical care she critically needs because she is refusing it again. I have to do this when she is ill because she will not accept help. A judge will put down his gavel, and if needed, the police will take her to a doctor to get the procedure she needs so badly. I will be with her caretaker, her fiduciary and her doctor in court.

so, let me know if I can help, I've seen a lot,


dancer9

My dad is talking about signing into a hospice next week. His cardiologist and his general say they can't do anything more for him... they were saying this 7 months ago too, but for some reason, the Lord is giving him more time... he could live another 1/2 year, or even more... only the Lord knows.

Thanks for the offer Dancer. You are going through so much yourself. I'm sorry for all of you who are experiencing this kind of care for parents. I have learned that hospice policies vary by state and by agency. It used to be that hospice was only for those who had 6 months to live. Now that "rule" appears to be changing. With the availablity of more medications and technology, it has become more difficult to predict how long a patient may have. How many times have you heard someone given 6 months to live and he/she lasted 6 years? There is no clear prediction in my mother's case. What I am hoping for is that her fears and my dad's fears are addressed, and that they are both more comfortable while she is here. The Alzheimer's prevents her from understanding that she has cancer. She does not even understand that she has Alzheimer's. Gimster, your dad has presence of mind to do this for himself?

ah, Princess, I've done this so long, I don't remember NOT doing it!
dancer9

I'm sorry about your father, Gimster.
dancer9