Lady jane, how did a family know when it was time to move the patient from the home to another facility? She needs to be tended to 24/7. She did have the presence of mind to keep her delusions somewhat to herself, but now she is telling her hairdresser of 8 years that there are children hiding under the chairs. She snuck out of the house to tell the neighbors that there was a baby she was supposed to be taking care of. (this is in a housing where you have to be 55 or older.) It looks like I should go to AZ sooner rather than later to look for "facilities" for Mom. She is officially in hospice, but they are just getting started with her. The neurologist prescribed a med called Seroquel to help Mom be in less turmoil about the children. Help! She is very beligerent toward my step dad whose been her husband for 46 years. She fights over food he fixes for her, and she hasn't bathed in a month.

My 3 favorite words to hear from my husband are not "I love you," but "You're right, dear." Here is a case where I don't like being right. Well, I was saying for 6 months mom needed hospice, and hospices I researched denied due to her being on meds, and then FINALLY THANKFULLY getting her one, and they say, oh, she should have/could have been admitted to hospice sooner. Here's the other one. I wrote a letter to her primary care and neurologist, detailing her behavior change since they saw her last May. Both doctors got her in this week and were dismayed by her "progress" which in Alz is deterioration, or progressing to the next stage. If not for the letter, than the appointments would have been in April 2008. Here's the rub: I've been knowing for years that Mom was told she was schizophrenic when she went to the psych hospital when I was 13, but Mom have always denied it, and Dad always covered for her. I've been saying for years she needed to be medicated to soothe her stress and personality changes. Today, the neurologist prescribed Zyprexa, which is a med for bi-polar and schizophrenia. I wonder if anyone had listened to me sooner if all of this could be avoided? Dad would never hear of it, it being therapy and meds. What if Mom had been medicated and had therapy for the last 40 years. Would she still be in this position of dying from cancer only to not know it because she has Alzheimer's? What if the Alz is not really Alz but is another manifestation of the schizophrenia? She is looking for lost babies, which I think represent the babies she lost in miscarriage. Was it easier for doctors to DX her with Alz because she's older than to take care of her with schizophrenia? I don't know how my mother maintained herself. She can carry on a phone coversation with me (still, thank God, but for 2 minutes or less) and all the while she is carrying on ANOTHER conversation with her invisibles, making comments to "them" on the side while talking to me. Am I just driving my own self crazy with questions that don't have answers or maybe this just doesn't matter who did or did not do what when and how and why she was diagnosed? I just made peace with my mother and myself, (my mother, my self) and now not only is she dying, but her mind is gone. Dad said she pointed to a picture of me and my husband of 20 years, who she saw this past summer. She said, "I know that's Lynnie, but who is that man in the picture with her?" Well, any insight, or information from anyone who has been through this would be much appreciated. I always spent a lot of time on my mom, thinking about how what I might do or say would affect her, loving her, then being mad at her, we had intense relationships even during estrangements! but I never predicted that her last years or months would be this intense. Lady jane, how do families know when they are ready to move the patient from in-home to a facility? Dad is at wit's end. He's vomitting from stress every night, and he has only half a stomach left due to removal due to ulcers. They have no income besides SS. I'm sad and depressed. Headache.

Oh Princess Lenora, my dear, anytime would be good to move her. I know that's sad and hard for any family to do but...given your dad's situation, you risk more than just losing your Mom. We feared more for my Dad than my Mom at a point. He had the alarm set for 3 times a night to get her up for the bathroom. He was exhausted, even when he had a daytime helper in. What forced him in our situation was the day Mom sat at the kitchen table and ceased moving. She spent a week in the hospital in a semi-comatose state. Then she went to a facility where she spent 6 1/2 years deteriorating until she passed, mercifully. There's no magic time that happens when everyone knows that a move is necessary, because everyone is different. Where there is little money to get help in the home, I would say the move should take place sooner than later. She may not be happy but she'll adjust and your Dad will be able to visit on his own terms. I remember conversations with my Mom that would start out logically and then she'd be in tears describing something really strange. One time I remember a short but normal talk and it went into flying in a plane and seeing fire on the ground everywhere. It's in the process, unfortunately. Lenora, there is probably no real answers to the questions you have about her mental health as to whether it is really Alzheimer's or a mental illness. Either way, it's exacerbated beyond a healthy control for all of you. You will have questions always, but sometimes you have to set them aside and deal with today only and the future as it comes. And remember, part of this is grief for you. I grieved for years as every little part of Mom left. By the time she died, I was able to speak at her funeral and the grieving was not very intense...it had already happened. Please keep us posted! I pray for your father especially.

Princess,
This is most unfortunate and boy, do I relate! My mother also has her bouts with more voices and then less! She is hearing more now because of a health care issue.
I was thinking that your mother may need 24/7 health care as my mother has with a caretaker in her home. This is because of family money or she would be in a home, no question! Your mother, like mine, has lost touch with TOO much reality to hold a conversation for long, correct?

Your mind would be at such ease, as mine is, if you knew she was cared for at a facility for those with problems such as these. If you are in AZ, I would be happy to help you look for one, I know how scary and lonely it is to do.

About Seroquel. Seroquel is an anti-psychotic and works in doses such as 200 to 300 mgs. in Shizophrenic patients to quiet the voices. It blocks, "unwanted thoughts," in low doses, such as 25 mgs, in those with things like OCD. It is a GOOD drug. It has fewer side effects but can affect the blood sugar, although most can tolerate it well. It can cause fatigue but most med's of this kind can. All in all, I would like my own mother on this med above all others. I tried it at 25 mgs. for a "flashback," once and it did, indeed,stop me from obsessing over the abuse I was recalling. It works.

Good luck, my dear, I hope all goes well but don't give up.Once my mother had her front teeth knocked out while being robbed on the street before we got her 24 hour care, it's hard and sad, I know.
Your friend,
dancer9

Lenora,
Oh how hard this is on you! I'm sorry. I've a few answers for you.
It is true that schizophrenics that are treated earlier have to take less medications and that shizophreniz can get worse without treatment as their mind goes further and further. By getting treatment soon, a medication will sort of "halt," the disease where it is and not let it get any worse, or this is the latest study! It is NOT your fault for one needs backing to commit a person in Arizona, and as you know, it takes a court order to commit a person for longer than 72 hours. You've done what you can with the help you had, and like myself, you've had almost none.

If your mother is ill in other ways, she NEEDS to go into 24 hour care and again, it will help her and YOU, because your poor mind can rest and think of you!

Don't waste your time by trying to understand what her "others." mean or say. It is useless although we may know what they are refering to, it does not stop them. At times we may be able to talk them down by knowing what is upsetting the "voices," but we cannot be there to try to understand what is setting them off all of the time.

Lenora, we are protective of our mothers, esp. those of us who have had sick mothers all of our lives. We cannot let it take our lives away.

If you feel she needs a hospice, then d*n right, she needs one! Follow your mind and heart here and do what you think is right. YOU KNOW, never second guess yourself, even for your husband. It is YOUR mother and we have been living with our mother's illnesses for longer than anyone in our lives. We know what is needed.

Don't be sad or worried, dear Lenora. Turning your mother's care over to someone else who is objective could be the very best thing you ever do. It was for myself and my siblings!

We call, I visit, I take her out when she is well, and another person watches her health! I can live my life without guilt or worry. You deserve this.

Again, I'm sorry, and I'm here for you, anytime. PM me, mail me, anything you need to do..

dancer9

Princess,

More Irony:
My father covered for my mother's illness for years as well!
Wow.
dancer9

Dear Dancer and LJ, thank you for your comments. I think we should get my mother to a group home. I'm sorry I went onto a tangent last night, and I appreciate all of your thoughts. LJ, I went through a grieving process about a decade ago when I had to face the fact that my mother was not fully present. I had plenty of therapy sessions about that, and made peace. But for whatever God given reason there is, she and I remain intertwined in intense relationships, and I am to grieve losing her in a whole other way. I am sorry for what you both have endured, and I appreciate that you can share your experiences with me. It helps. Now I am going to see what group homes are available to her because I hear that is the least expensive way to go at this time, and a more popular choice in terms of care. L, PL

Good luck, Princess, and please keep us posted as to how you do?
Warm regards,]
dancerr9

I've got an elder care association working on this for me, called "A Place For Mom-Dad." The org exists to refer people in need, and the places pay the org so the org can stay in business. She said she'd get back to me in a couple of days.

Princess, my heart goes out to you. Even though my mom can't speak, we can still communicate. And, yes, my dad is still well in his noodle, and he is at home. One of my sisters lives there with him, and one of my brothers is there pretty regular to take care of the maintenance chores. My dad is pretty much confined to his recliner, bed and makes short trips to his computer. He still sends out newsletters for his ministry and communicates through emails to all of his ministry loyals. Mother, on the other hand, is in a facility - not because I want her there. Can't go into it here. She's having a horrible go of it, which infuriates me. My hands are tied. I cannot legally do anything, unless I want to take full financial and care-giving responsibilities on myself. At this time, I'm not able to do it.