I'm sorry for that last part of your visit, Princess. I know it OH SO WELL. A nice conversation, which I am on pins and needles during, while I wait for "God," or an "Angel," to come in her head and tell her something. When this happens, she will say something like, " They say you are tryig to trick me ________, are you trying to trick me? Because if you are, they know, and it's you who will pay."

And then I spend the rest of the visit trying to explain to her that I came to visit and I was not "tricking her," and asking her what I could be tricking her about, etc...

After which, she will sigh, hug me and say, "Go with God, ____________, that is all I do."

Nuff said, huh?

Sorry, Lenora.

dancer9, its a sad thing.

Thanks for telling me DD9. I'm sorry to hear that you have been through this all your life.

Thanks dots... BTW we did have a nice Christmas. WE PLAYED SPOONS, most players under the age of 13, but it was great. We didn't eliminate players, however. We had so many at my daughter's house, new players were standing behind chairs to fill the players' chairs who didn't get a spoon. That way there were two competitions going, one to get a spoon, another to get an opened spot. It worked out well. Thanks for bringing this game to mind. My grandchildren are finally able to play and it was a new experience for them. It brought back memories for my girls. They actually remembered playing during holiday get togethers when they were wee ones.

Princess, my mom always knows who we are, but she gets nasty at times, because she feels like it. All the good times shared disappear into a dark rabbit hole somewhere. I have learned to say, "well, I guess I'd better get going." I tried to discuss her angst with her; I tried to reason with her; I tried to help her figure out what was wrong; I tried to change her mood by talking about other things; I tried telling her she had every right to express herself... these were different approaches I've tried since May, until a little over a month ago, that is when I couldn't control my own angst. I let her have it verbally. Now, mind you I have never spoken back to my mom in any way, ever, over my lifetime. My reaction on that day was not only a surprise to her, but to me also. I ended my spout with, "Mother, I'm going to go away for awhile and do some thinking." Turned around and walked out the door. I didn't go back for over a week. I decided I was NOT going to be treated that way, no matter how badly she was feeling. I have been her strongest ally... but that's not the reason I deserve more respect. I deserve respect because I am a human being. Much more to the story, but I think you'll get the gist of what happened.
She has never been diagnosed as having Alz... just as having Alz sypmtoms and those are very slight. On some days, I count our blessings for that, then on other days I wonder if things might be easier if that were her disease.
Oh well, one of my five sisters, my youngest brother, my husband and I took her to have dinner at Golden Corral this evening. She really enjoyed herself, because it's the first she's been able to be with that one of my two brothers for over two months. She held onto him and didn't want to let go when we were trying to get her back into the car. So sweet, but yet so sad.

Gimster, as you have read, I also have a very difficult and ill mother.
You try SO hard, it breaks my heart! It is not your fault that your mother is the way she is and I hope you take time for yourself and to bolster your self esteem!

You are doing A LOT compared to me, although I DID do a lot and devoted a lot of my youth to trying to help my mother.
It breaks my heart to read of how hard you try! I hope so much that you remember you and that you are innocent and YOU are the daughter who is missing a mother!

I don't think you could do more than you are! I am so impressed but at the same time I worry for you and your heart when you are so close for too long a time with a mother who does not appreciate you! Please correct me if I am wrong, of course!

I read your post and my heart went out to you as a fellow "mother caretaker," and as a person! You are SO
kind to put up with what you are that I wanted to tell you and to try to also tell you to give to yourself!

You deserve love and unconditional love at that! You deserve thanks for what you are doing for your mother and appreciation!

I just wanted to mention my oppinion, coming in where I probably don't belong!

dancer9

Dancer, of course you belong. You are a vital part of this discussion. I'd be lost if not for you and the others who have reached out to share their experiences. I'd feel so alone! Your opinion is important. You have been through so much, and you have messages that are enriching based not only on your experiences, but also on your empathy. Plus, we cannot compare what one does with what another does. We each have our unique coping strategies, limitations, boundaries, energy levels, etc. We know you did and do a lot for your mother, and you have a court date coming up pertaining to her care. It must be very draining, emotionally and physically. GIMS, I suspected my mother was ill with dementia for nearly a decade. I can't say if it is a relief or not to know one of her diagnosis is Alz because there is no cure, and treatment is not going well. So you are expressing your own self-respect by standing your ground, saying what you can and can't take, and walking away for the sake of yourself. That means you have the self-esteem to know yourself. Didn't you say that your dad was placing his self in hospice? How is that going? PL

you definitely do belong, dancer. and thank you for your kind words. you gals often make me cry.

PL, a decade... how sad is that? we've suspected my mom has been manic depressive. There would have been no way to get her help before this year, though. I don't know if I could deal with a decade of any parent being sick. I'm in awe of you, young lady!

Gimster,
Is your mom on medication? Who thinks she is Manic Depressive? That is a serious condition to DX!
dancer, don't answer if question bothers you!

gimster, your post reminded me of something that happened between Mom and I was she was rather sick with cancer.

Mom was taking something out on me that I didn't deserve. The sad fact is that I can't even recall what the issue was. It was during the time that all of us were giving Dad little breaks by caring for Mom. I must have been having a bad day myself because when she started with whatever it was, I jumped all over her and was loud - something I'd never, ever done with Mom, except maybe when I got mad as a teenager. I shared that I thought I was the only person she would charge into like she did and I wasn't going to take it. She apologized. I felt awful. I had totally lost it.

I since understand that it was actually a compliment that she could take something out on me. She knew my heart, knew I'd give her the truth, and always knew I could handle it.

I still regret barking at her when she was so ill and scared.

I wish I could remember what the issue was. I probably blocked it out.

Please remember to give yourself the needed breaks while caregiving.

Yes, the court date to force my mother to get health care is just after the new year. I hate these things. She is so eccentric on top of her illness that it gets hard to distinguish what is her illness and what is "her," at times! I so hate that health care is forced on her, and what is worse, HER TRUST fund pays for the court's time, a lawyer and the health care! It literally works against her to have money but any other way she would die. At 70 she is still too young to even think about dying.

Oh well, I will go through yet another bizarre experience with my ever bizarre family!
dancer