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#133077 - 12/08/07 09:16 PM
Re: Lost my Dad today - slight problem
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Registered: 04/15/07
Posts: 1341
Loc: Sweden
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Kate, I donĀ“t know you either..but you are a fellow boomer woman and a fellow human being..and I just want tell you that I am so sorry for your loss..but very very happy for you that you had/have such a wonderful father all these years..and that you can carry his love and strength and wisdom with you always...
lots of hugs!
_________________________
"some sacred place.."
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#133078 - 12/09/07 01:49 AM
Re: Lost my Dad today - slight problem
[Re: humlan]
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Member
Registered: 07/09/05
Posts: 631
Loc: Victoria BC Canada
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Your right, memories are best to hold on too. We talked about it tonight, she brought it up and here is the problem. My Mom is upset with me because she thinks I like my Dad better, plain and simple. I don't like him better, just got along with him better.
She is angry with me because she has made me many needle point pictures and I don't hang them in my house. Well I hang two of them even though they are not my taste. I've put away the others for my kids. She thinks I should hang all of them in my home. I like modern and abstract type paintings, her pictures are in my opinion arts and craft type pictures. It's not like she drew the pictures or painted them, she copied a pattern. I appreciate all the hard work but have told her not to make me anymore. How many can I hang up anyway. She wants my entire house to be full of her arts and crafts and it's not just pictures. It's knick knacks everything she makes.
So, the jealousy comes into it once again, I don't like her pictures, so I am not getting my Dads picture. That is how she thinks and I'm letting it go. My Mom told me she doesn't care about my Dad's things and has no attachment to them.
She accused me of wanting the only painting that is worth anything which is so not true. She doesn't even know if it is worth anything. I give up really and am just letting it go. It's just not worth it.
My kids are doing ok, thanks. I'm not doing too good but it has only been just over a week. I'm getting out and not isolating myself, I'm just really sad and wake up crying some nights. I have dreams where I am crying in my dreams and I wake myself up.
My biggest concern is that I wonder where my Dad is. In these later years our roles reversed and I became the parent, so I worry about him like a parent would worry about their child. I also miss him.
I will never, ever please my mother and never could. I have no idea why I let her get to me so much. She can make me so angry. I thought I let go of all the anger from my childhood. She was a very jealous, critical mother and put me down. Maybe it's time to do some work in this area. Kate
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#133079 - 12/09/07 02:06 AM
Re: Lost my Dad today - slight problem
[Re: katebcca]
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Registered: 01/21/07
Posts: 3675
Loc: British Columbia, Canada
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I had a similar problem with my mother who used to get hurt and furious when I would refuse large food care packages from her. Then I clued in ..that food and cooking were signals of love from her to her children. It was a tangible thing that signalled the time and care she spent washing, cutting and packaging up veggies..for us to save time and prepare food. She also would give in food care pkgs., cut, frozen meat for us. I used to trudge home onto subway with loads of food. Rejection of her food really was like rejecting her love. The connection is very strong.
And my mother and father do not hug their children naturally. It's not part of their style of family or in their past. So other gestures, actions become very powerful symbols of giving and love in our family.
It bothered me because i earned a good salary and didn't need any parent to this for me. So instead I started to ask my mother for certain foods that clearly I knew she loved to make for us AND I didnt' know how/just didn't make myself. So homemade sticky rice bundles wrapped in bamboo leaves and tied with string, etc.
Is there something, kate that your mother does for you, that you truly enjoy from her? There must be....she loves you. I find it hard to believe there is nothing. Maybe it's something she used to do for you regularily but no longer does.
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#133081 - 12/09/07 11:23 PM
Re: Lost my Dad today - slight problem
[Re: katebcca]
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Registered: 01/21/07
Posts: 3675
Loc: British Columbia, Canada
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Can see why you want distance from your mother for awhile. She does sound quite difficult to deal with as a person.
I hope for better days between you and her one day.
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#133082 - 12/09/07 11:39 PM
Re: Lost my Dad today - slight problem
[Re: orchid]
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Member
Registered: 01/16/07
Posts: 3404
Loc: USA
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kb, are you sure you haven't been reading my diary?
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