It sounds so hard, Meredith. You're right, you have your siblings in this, (except your brother!) If you hang in, an answer has to show itself, it just does! I know it looks impossible now. Change is always there and change will come and perhaps give you an answer!
There is much literature on this subject. I've seen so much. Maybe if you read about others experiences who have gone through similar things, it would trigger ideas.
I've a question: Your mother needs to go to a facility now?
and if she is gone from the home, will your brother be able to stay in her home still?
dancer

She's still mostly self-sufficient, so no, a facility is not an immediate need. She's starting to lose her memory but it hasn't progressed to the point where it's dangerous. When I spoke about senior housing for her, I was referring to ACTIVE senior housing, not an institutional setting.

Mom just spent 10 days at my sister's and the report is -- same-old same-old. Despite my sister's best efforts, Mom was depressed most of the time. If my sister mentioned anything, Mom would go to her room and cry.

Right now most of the burden is falling on my sister because of the physical proximity. My sister has always been a good daughter. Her husband and kids are 100% behind her, but she gets upset because she's with Mom on a regular basis and sees how futile everything is.

There must be some dynamic between your mother and brother. Maybe she believes he needs her? Maybe she's trying to correct something from the past? I've seen it happen before and even in my own life.

hi all, Gimster, I just saw your post and sent you an e-mail. I'm sorry I didn't see it sooner. I haven't been on the board for awhile. I'm in a very deep depressive cycle, something that always happens around the holidays and I'm trying to deal with it. Trying to keep myself distracted with holiday activities and decorating the house.

I was manic yesterday and this morning and now I'm depressed. Go figure.

I think our troops go through post traumatic stress disorder and suffer a severe form of depression while in battle. They face undeniably horrific situations every day. Things they'd wish they could forget but are there in their mind and every time they close their eyes.

The same thing an abused child undergoes when they close their eyes or an abused spouse. Or someone who has witnessed a horrific crime.

Depression has many faces. Mine hides behind many masks. I can still function among other people, make conversation, take care of the house, my pets, my husband, and whatever, all while I'm broken inside.

But, a lot gets lost in the meantime. I lose touch with people. I don't log onto forums like I usually do. I don't participate in groups like I would.

And, I'm cutting back. Including this forum. I just don't have the energy right now, to stay "UP" for the holiday and family and still make it online and join in the conversations and participate. The depression is that deep for me right now.

I want to thank you all for being here for me whenever I needed to talk. And for being so understanding and non judgmental. You welcomed me into your group. Bipolar and all. And, that meant the world to me. You have no idea how much that touched me. Truly.

Thank you.

Vicki,You don't have to "be," any certain way to get along here! You can feel what you feel and everyone will understand! Don't feel you must weat a mask here and that no one would understand what you are going through if the depression gets to you!
I have PTSD and I have symptoms at times so I understand that you may have symptoms at times and that is OKAY. You ARE accepted here WITH bipolar and that means that we must be here for you if symptoms rear their heads! I, for one, do not want to just read your posts when you are feeling "up," or faking feeling "up."
Why not talk about the depression if it's coming up? I'm sure others can relate, I can!
Having PTSD is also having depression. There are many things about the holidays that bring up trauma for me and that is not a happy thing! Still, I think I will be accepted for who I am and so will you.
I'm sorry if the depression is getting to you right now. Do you need to check with your doctor or is this something you are used to dealing with?
Feel free to talk about what depresses you about holidays if you feel like it!
I just want you to know that this member cares about you whether you are symptomatic or not!

dancer

i agree vikie its nice reading your posts as and how they are. If absences is needed for a while when your cycling dowen then so be it, we all just keep our eyes open and know you be back when and as soon as you can. Think its getting close enough to the holiday session that a few people are begining to get that holiday/blues/horror feeling.

whatever level the holidays effect you all at i hope you all get through them with as much peace and contentment as one can.
VICKIE, generallie when dose the dowen cycle brake for you? or dose it brake? am i mistaken in thinking you also have SAD?
so it be start of febuarie heer in this part of world before the light levels incress significantlie to make a diffrences to ones mood. What mounth is that for you weer you are?

Vicki, take care of yourself. You have the love and support of all of us.

Meredith, I don’t think there is anything as frustrating as knowing how to help someone you love, and not being allowed to help. My mother suffers under her junk mail addiction, but gets upset if I try to help her out of her rut.

I found a good quote to fit this situation. I think it's very wise. I try to follow it, but can’t; although I’m getting better at it with age.

Quote:

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Living apart and at peace with myself, I came to realize more vividly the meaning of the doctrine of acceptance. To refrain from giving advice, to refrain from meddling in the affairs of others, to refrain, even though the motives be the highest, from tampering with another's way of life - so simple, yet so difficult for an active spirit. Hands off!
-- Henry Miller

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Vicki, you have so much to offer. I have always admired your writing career. Hopefully this wonderful talent you have can help carry you through your hard times. And I hope you can make your own recovery the first priority in your life.

Hannelore, thanks for the quote. The basic consensus among the "good" sibs is that Mom will go to her death being unhappy and complaining, but never having done anything to help her situation. When that happens, the house will be sold and Philip will be on the streets.

Anne,
That is a simple form of PTSD but those with PTSD that have problems are those who may, for example, hear that noise and think they are IN that situation of being shot at and react to it, by running, or using aggression or shouting, etc... They cannot get out of the memory for awhile. Others with SEVERE PTSD would be reminded, let's say, of a particular bad event and try to change their lives to recreate the situation. An example would be a woman who was abused as a child and when she is "triggered," and remembers it, she would actually go out and seek someone who was abusive and recreate the trauma again and again.

There are those with PTSD who will relive the experience in sight, sound, smell, taste, feeling and all emotions. They would hear that gun and go through an entire episode of being in the situation again and act it out right there where they are. After this, they would still not come out of it but go on with their day, their life, still living that time period with their emotions and reject anything that does not fit into that traumatic memory.

It has been documented that some women who remember, for example, being hit by something and over night, raise a bruise in the shape of that which they were hit with exactly in the same place on their bodies! They re-experience this so much that they actually can create injury marks!

Soldiers will usually get low on the floor and feel as if they are in battle, using battle language and seeing even police as "the enemy," whom they were fighting when their trauma happened. Thus, law enforcement tries not to ever get aggressive with a vet in this "flashback," mode or a person, a woman, who is in a flashback of abuse. If they don't get aggressive with the person, that person can calm down and realize they are where they are and safe. They can realize it is not the past.
PTSD can be crippling and this is why there is a fight on in the military to take it seriously and to help the returning soldiers who are diagnosed with it. It needs deep therapy. It can be taken care of but requires serious therapy.

Lecture by: (sorry,)
dancer9