Eagle Heart, Those life management tools are priceless, arent' they? I have been given very good ones myself from therapy!
Can you tell me, if you don't mind, did any of those help when you experienced your great loss?
Thank you,
dancer9

Dancer, some of those management tools have become so ingrained in me now that I can't really remember which ones came from where. But I can give you a few of the 'mantras' that help me through...some are well-known, some have come from various therapy sessions, some have come from right here.

- (from the Bible: Deuteronomy 30:18-20): I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing; therefore choose life;

- (from prayer and experience) you already have everything you need to get through this; the people and resources that are in your life RIGHT NOW are there for a reason – it’s no accident that they’re traveling the same patch of road at the same time; so I need to keep my eyes, ears and heart open to their presence in my life; I’m meant to help them, be helped by them, teach them, learn from them – and always, always, always they will bring something important that I need to learn about myself, including things I don’t want to hear, but which are crucial before I can progress any farther;

- God doesn't give you more than you can handle;
- you are bigger than this;
- one day at a time;

- "wounded healer" is a huge one for me personally, the idea that we have the power to turn our pain around to help others (Henri Nouwen, my all-time favourite author, writes a lot about wounded healers);

- "go, nothing makes the soul feel better than to do something kind for someone else" (from a bookmark someone once gave me);

- and this isn’t a mantra, but that first psychiatrist took a lot of time to drill into me my key triggers (diet, sleep and stress) and how critical it was to keep all three in healthy balance. He also gave me my “road signs”, both warning signals and the map back to “home base” (my solid ground), so that if/when I ever start to feel like I’m straying off of my solid ground into precarious territory again (my main warning sign is increased mangled thinking), I know to get help immediately. These lessons/tools have probably helped me more than anything, because now I don’t wait until things get too unmanageable – I get help sooner so that there’s not as much damage to repair;

- and finally, the mantra that God gave me in prayer one very dark and scary night. It started out as the most difficult one to believe, but now it has become a much-beloved companion-along-the-way and runs through my mind constantly; I think it's finally starting to sink in enough to ripple healing into some very deep and dark places that nothing else has ever been able to reach: you are loved infinitely more than you can ever possibly imagine.

[Soon after receiving this in prayer, I read a book that someone here suggested, "Embraced by the Light", by Betty J. Eady - it was life-changing for me and helped me to be diligent about repeating that love mantra into my murky depths].

This "love mantra" could not have taken root without the example of faithful caring love shown to me by the women right here on BWS.

Awesome, Eagle Heart, Awesome

PRINCESS LEANORAS QUOTEI also want to clarify that suicide in iteself is not a mental condition, but an extreme response to extreme abuse. Trauma changes the chemical and electrical balances in the brain FOREVER......END QUOTE

AS always princess i love your take and attitude to this sunject your wisdom and insight supplies a lot more claritie and points for considerasion.

that quote i agree with but also has me carefull and rightlie so. As parents we all have potencial to hurt or harm our kids in some way, hopfullie small ways but we also have abilitie to do this in a big way.....and as you put FOREVER. Now thats something i don't wanna pass on to my child. I put certine stratiges in place and absolutes to make sure any of the results of my hurts wont go on effecting my youngsters.
At one point i decided not to have kids for this verie reason fear of passing something not good onto them. That desision broke my hart but it be one i could have readilie stuck to instead of passing on damage or harm. I don't know if all considerring mums considere this when chosing a hubbie for marrige or in deciding if their gonna be producing kids.
So i studied a lot, took personal development courses and as i say stick to certine absolutes so to not pass anything on, its hard work and i say it again this alone is hard work.....never mind all else that has to be done regarding being a mum. It involves constent examinasion and commitment to wen noticing something wrong then putting all effort into righting that thing.....it dose make me nurotick worried and at times unecassarily guiltie (can i emphasise the unessasarilie lol) the guilt or worrie that is their when nuthin wrong has been done it just feels a bit too harsh and a bit far removed from the ideal model of a mum i want to be......
so i set myself up for the imposible, know i will fail then do it all again the next day. I rather this than fullfill the quote you provided and it be on luciens sholder forever!

in short my depression or PTSD affects me but i am an adult i also got to more than insure that it dosen't affect lucien, seems like an impossible task eh! but not so impossible at the same time.

Anyone else consider how their owen types of mental illness affects their kids or even their partners or the rest of their familie, if it dose affect any of the above in what ways dose it affect them, you think??
celtic

Celtic,I have PTSD and I had continuous therapy while raising my children for 12 years. If I had not dealt with my own trauma, I don't think I would have been a very good mother. I know I was a good mother by other's telling me and because my children have become fine adults but it was done with the help of psychiatrists!

I had much to deal with and was a mother at the age of 21. I was in therapy for being abused and I stayed there, as I stated, for 12 years and with 4 doctors. I also went through the treatment program for abuse at Sierra Tucson, one of the best in the country.

Yes, I think parents "stuff," very much affects their children and that we owe it to them to deal with our "stuff," so we can be loving and open parents who are PRESENT for them! PTSD takes us back to a bad time and we need to stay HERE for them!

I'm thankful for making the choice I did daily. It was very hard, and it was, at times, dangerous for me, but it was something I needed to live my life.

dancer

Celtic, I believe there was a forum on childless women, and I think I revealed that the main reason I did not want to have children was because I did not want to visit upon them the insanity of my family. I made this decision at 15 years old. I stood in the kitchen of my schizo father's house after some kind of typical chaos. I said, "I am never going to have children." All the females, ie aunts, cousins, etc were gathered around because we were consoling my step mother after another domestic violence episode with my father. They all said to me, "You are too young to make that decision." But I knew. I knew. Then, by the time I was able to distance myself from my intensely crazy family, and by the time I put myself into counseling, by the time I was emotionally mature enough to have children, it was biologically too late. Celtic, also know that Forever is a strong word and strong concept. There are studies that show that once a brain has been altered by trauma, it never becomes the same as it was before trauma. But there are many methods to healing than ever before. Rest assurred that your conscience, your conscious efforts to raise a child with love and peace, is enough. Dr. Phil (American pop psychologist) says it takes 1000 praises to undo 1 harm to a child. Also, even a child who witnesses violence, experiences the trauma. As for your last question, it seems to be my life's work to consider how mental illness has affected my partner, the rest of my family, my brothers' children, etc. I seem to make a personal study of it. I wanted to be a psychiatrist so I could fix my family. I learned that I can only fix myself. I also have PTSD, but I have fewer and fewer triggers, and medications have changed my life and ability to cope. Prior, I did not have the ability to cope, and therefore PTSD would have affected my ability to parent. You are aware and you have self-knowledge, and that makes for a great parent!

I can be a cynical and pessimistic person. I can also be a grateful and optimistic person. I appreciate that EH has incorporated methods and messages of hope and healing into this discussion. I think one of the important elements of our generation is the collective conscious awareness to make the world a better place for future generations.

OH MAN!!! I so wish this was a private forum!!!! If I created one, would some of you come to visit?

Gimster, would the topic relate to what we are talking about here? If you have something you want to share, and you think my input would have some meaning, I would come.

Maybe Dotsie is able to make a private thread here? Where you can only get in with a password and code number. That may make it easier.