Did you turn her in? She needs help.

I was a mouse back then. Terrified of confrontation and consequences.

I never turned her in, but there were interesting consequences to befriending her. My doctor was also her doctor, and he just assumed that that alone implied I too was playing "the game". That stunned me, because it had never occured to me that anyone wouldn't take me seriously - that was obviously before I became aware of the stigma of mental illness! For probably the first time in my life, I stood up for myself and told him this wasn't a game, this was my life and I wanted help. He ended up being an amazing doctor, whose compassion, wisdom and insights are still my most well-used life-management tools 25 years later.

But in later years, I was "blessed" with one or two genuine quack psychologists who - now I would dare to say - were in worse shape than I've ever been!

Bonnie wrote: "A lot of mental illness results from having been victimized by abuse!" As a social worker and advocate for victims, I can tell you this is absolutely the truth. I've been fortunate to have been in an academic environment where I could research this very topic, and present the research. You would not believe the number of people who are MIS diagnosed as bi-polar. Without the abuse, these people would not have a diagnosis. I was not born to be depressed and suicidal, but the abuse I endured made me so. I mean really, what is it when a 10 year old attempts suicide? That is a direct result of abuse. I also want to clarify that suicide in iteself is not a mental condition, but an extreme response to extreme abuse. Trauma changes the chemical and electrical balances in the brain FOREVER. Medications and therapy can alleviate some of the imbalance. But the trauma remains in the muscles and mind, and can result in fibromyalgia, chronic fatique, etc. I could say so much on this topic. And then there are the aspects of genetics. My father was diagnosed paranoid schizophrenic. He was abused, and then he abused. My mother was sexually abused and neglected, and she is also schizophrenic. So, was I genetically pre-disposed to a mental illness? Or is it the abuse that is the common denominator? Mom now also has Alzheimer's. She acts out her childhood abuse now, more openly than before, because her inhibitions are reduced. Believe me, mental illness would be less prevalent if there was peace in our families and society! Oh, don't get me started on how depression and anxiety is diagnosed, and the CAUSES (such as abuse) are ignored. Enough said.

Dancer wrote: "more documentaries and more biographies to help people understand and find compassion." I wrote my memoir about growing up with mentally ill parents (among other topics) One of the reasons I wrote it was to open lines of communication so that we as a society can build our compassion. I will tell you this: unless you are a celebrity, such biographies do not get mass attention, so the stigmas remain intact. In this society, it is not about building compassion, it is about building consumerism and capitalism. I say that with cynacism. People talk about wanting to expand their horizons to be "all inclusive" with other but ignorance reins supreme. On the other hand, when one reveals trials and tribulations, there is another who is relieved that her story was told, that the secrets were released, and that she is not alone.

Orchid, I don't know why anyone would take exception to your knowledge and experience. I can tell you that as a social worker we were always concerned about cultural influences on a family. Many of my colleagues speak several languages in order to communicate effectively. Many learn sign language and/or Braille. One thing I learned in my studies: that women are considered a minority culture. This is relative to men, as the dominant/patriarchal majority, in terms of much of the world revolving around male gender specific values and beliefs. Consider the fact that until recently most medications were tested on men, not taking into account the very different anatomy and physiology of women. Anyway, Orchid, I found your post enlightening, and nothing to take exception to.

Regarding language, this is nothing heavy, just interesting. I am Italian, 2nd generation. I was born in the same hospital and delivered by the same doctor as my mother! Anyway, not only was Italy invaded, but many Italians went to Africa for jobs. My great-grandmother went from Sicily to Algiers in the late 1800's to get a job as a domestic. Great grandma came to Manhattan in 1906, with her 8 children and my great-grandfather, who died in the flu epidemic in 1917. My point about language is how I remember imitating my grandmother and great-grandmother speaking Italian. My grandmother would chastise me: "You're American, speaka de english." To my grandmother, assimilation meant education, education meant empowerment. Fast forward 50 years. When I tell her I am teaching myself Italian, my grandmother tells me she does not remember her mother tongue. She is over one-hundred years old. She was very sick 2 years ago. She had to enter a nursing home (but has since been returned to her own home, and lives independently!) Anyway, the morning that we were preparing to take her to the nursing home, I was alone with her. She was sitting in a chair, and I started to hear her mumbling in a certain rhythm in a language I did not understand. I got a little closer. She was saying the Lord's Prayer aloud to herself, in Italian. I sat in front of her, took her hands, and said, "Would you like to pray together." She said yes, and she started to pray with me in English. When she was well, I mentioned this to her: "Grandma, do you know you can still recite the Lord's prayer in Italian?" And she responded, "That's funny, I don't speak Italian." Anyway, the miscommunication in my family had nothing to do with language. It had to do with patriarchal hierarchies. What did us in was not so much the rampant mental illness, but the defense mechanisms used, such as denial, denial, denial.

Welcome Mij. I'm sorry to hear about your dysthmia. A close friend of mine has a story similar to yours and I see how much someone can suffer from it.

Mom is isolated because she lets herself be. The friends her age have all moved to Florida (or passed away) and she could move to senior housing and find friends if she wanted. She has never stood up for herself hardly at all. She was the obedient youngest daughter and then the obedient wife and all-suffering mother. She gave up a lot of things she wanted in order to be what she thought society wanted her to be. Unsurprisingly, she's had major depression issues that I've known about since she was in her late 30s.

Now she's just resigned herself to taking care of an adult son who refuses to take responsibility for anything, because she's his mother and her role is to suffer, right? And she's depressed 24/7 because she's unwilling to take those steps to make HER life better.

Meredith, my mother's brother was murdered when he was eleven years old. The family dynamics changed at that point because my grandmother, for some reason, put all her attention on the two remaining sons and ignored her two daughters. I believe this was when my mom's maturity growth stopped. She acts like a spoiled little girl and uses my dad as her gopher, to right all of her imagined wrongs. It's truly sad to see a 81-year old woman who has never been forced to grow up. My dad should have put a stop to it a long time ago but it's sure too late now.

Dianne,
I'm sorry to hear that your parents dsyfunction was visited upon you. I know that absent mothers so far as affection can do damage, it happened to me.

My mother lost the child before me shortly after birth so she was frightened of bonding with me! I, too, was largely ignored until she finally came out of this pattern with my brother who was born four years later.

I turned this around with my own children and paid them much attention. I felt it was important to heal in my generation that which was wrong in the one before me.

Therapy will do this.

I know you love your children as well. This stops the cycle.

dancer9

Princess Lenora,
Although I have been a performer all of my life, my education early on was Psychology. As a matter of fact, that is what my older son does.
What you say is Oh SO True.
I read a report once that said the predisposition for these illnesses are there in the child and when they experience trauma that is extreme, it "activates," that illness and cause it to surface. This seems like a possibility. There seems to be families where one child will seek treatment and other children from that same family will show the illness and attempt to live with it. The genetics show that the Mental Illness manifests itself one way, at times, in one parent, for example, and as another Mental Illness in a child. For example, the mother may be schizophrenic and the child may have severe depression or in extreme cases, even MPD!
Either way, enviroment has much to do with how the illness will manifest in the child. One way to try to stop the cycle is to get treatment for one's illness, and therapy while educating your children about mental illness, it's manifestations and how it may affect them in the future. It is also good to have a "plan," to impliment if the child should feel some symptoms coming on, such as getting to a doctor ASAP because they have been warned and educated.

I had a mother who was schizophrenic. As a child I had some therapy when my mother was DXed and I had a fear that I would "end up like her." I was taught by the doctor what to do if I felt symptoms and what could happen if one's parent suffered from an MI. This was very effective for me because when I hit depression after the birth of my first son and being under too much pressure, I knew what to do. I went directly to the doctor and to therapy right then.

My pre-dispostion to depression is under control because of early therapy and education.

In order to do this, however, education is a MUST for those families where illness manifests.

Only my opinion.

Best,
dancer9