Post partum depression. What is that like? If it is not too sensitive a subject, I'd like to learn a bit.
dancer

Celtic,Would you mind sharing a bit about how post partum depression can look like? I ask because of someone I know. I would like to learn a bit about it and someone who has had it is a very good source. If it is too sensitive a subject, please ignore my question!
dancer

Boy, have I stories to tell, but I don't feel free to here. Vicki, I so need to speak with someone like you, who has been through it. This just isn't the place to do it.

Vicki, your friend was not a friend at all, but ignorant!
You are a shining example of how one lives with bipolar in a good and responsible way! I can't imagine how you must have dealt with it initially but you seem to have your head squarely on your shoulders perhaps better than my own!

I think it's awesome that you are med compliant and I know how much it can hurt a family when one will refuse meds!

Again, you are a great example and a perfect "Vicki," in this world, your illness does not define you in any way. You are you and many of us have illnesses we must take responsibility for are the same as you. There is no difference if it is body or mind, we must take care to take our medications, (myself included,) in order to live our lives. I have to take pain meds because of my injury to get out of bed, if I don't I am a pain to my family and to everyone else and I would loose the life I have. I consider what I have to do the same as anyone who has a mental illness and has to take those med's every single morning no matter what. Diabetes, all sorts of meds are like this.

Someday we will see a change in the way others view mental illnesses, for life can be chaotic and a mess when people don't take other meds that are needed to live their lives.

Cheers to Vicki!
dancer

You're right, Dianne,society wants to ignore mental illness, push it out of their sight, and not validate it at all. This is a major problem. People are ashamed of problems when they feel them emotionally and are afraid to seek help! If we continue to make those with mental illnesses feel like they are "crazy," and that we want them to "get away from us," we are adding to the problems of this country.
So, some are ill in their minds, so what? That means medicine like any other illness does! We are oh so quick to help those who have diseases or illnesses we can see on them but we are not so quick to come the aid of a mentally ill person! Why is this?

Mentally ill people are hurt because many of the "evil ones," portrayed in movies and on television are said to be evil because they are mentally ill! Many mentally ill people walk amoung us or are C.E.O.s!

The statistics say that an abused child is more likely to be a C.E.O. than a criminal! This is fact! Still, society thinks that if we even come CLOSE to a person who is mentally ill, then WE are ill as well!

YOU were not ill because your father was any more than anyone else. YOU grew up to achieve great things just like many children who grow up with parents who are mean to them. Many would think that if you did not come from a "perfect family," you would be "messed up." But, you are not, any more than a whole lot of people like yourself.

I get frustrated, society is so ignorant on this subject. We need more education on mental illness, more documentaries and more biographies to help people understand and find compassion.

dancer, off her soap box now.

I'm pretty sure that my brother (sib #3) has mental illness issues that are not being dealt with. My sister and younger brother agree. Bro 3 is 48 and still lives at home with Mom and does NOTHING. Lies about jobs and missed opportunities constantly. Charming pathological manipulative liar. Rarely even leaves his room.

Mom refuses to see just HOW DYSFUNCTIONAL her son is. Because he's not a threat to anyone -- he doesn't acknowledge having a problem and Mom just ignores it -- there's nothing that can be done.

What this has done to my family is -- I'm the only sibling who will set foot in the door for more than 5 minutes. Sister will drive to Mom to pick her up but won't stay a minute more than necessary. Other brother will not go near Mom's house, period. It's made a huge rift that has been widening for over 15 years. Very sad.

And now Mom seems to be entering early stage Alzheimer's, and the rest of us are afraid what happens next.

Meredith,I'm sorry about your mother and the problem your brother is. My early education was in psycology and I can tell you that your brother's behaviors fit the profile for a few personality disorders. I can't tell which he has, but I'd bet he has one. NPD, BPD, many come to mind.

I guess you will have to decide how to help your mother now that she is having problems? I'm so sorry about that.
Do you have any ideas as to how to deal with it?

It can be so hard when one does not take medication and take care of their illness like your brother... I happened in my family and blew it apart as you say yours has been. One thing that can help is if you and your siblings get help together from someone as my sister and I did. That way you can preserve a sibling relationship and together you can do more than alone. Again, it helped my sister and I to get some therapy together so we could deal with my family member who was ill and not have our relationship torn apart. It was one of the best things we did.

Do you have a sibling that will try to take some sort of action with you?

dancer

Definitely not bi-polar. Can't say for sure on other possibilities.

Dad died in 1979, and Mom has been saying for over 20 years how she wants to sell the house and move to Florida. We've offered to go with her to find a place on more occasions than I can count. Every time she comes up with an excuse which is usually centered around "What would Philip do?" Hmmm, if she moved ... then my brother might have to find a job?? What a concept.

Three of us are at wits end because Mom refuses to do anything. The co-dependency polka with Philip.

Summer 2006 my youngest brother, his wife and 2 kids from Florida and me from Cali flew in for Mom's 80th, which we celebrated at my sister's house in Connecticut. Mom and I stayed a week, and then I took her back home to Long Island.

Philip was sooo charming my entire time at Mom's. I'm guessing he was trying to get someone on his side because the other two sibs completely hate him. If you didn't know him, you might not realize just how much manipulation was going on.

I did fall into a depression several decades ago for several months and underwent intensive counselling weekly while attending university. No drug treatment but it took enormous willpower to get out of bed to face each day. Looking back,...I must have been a robot to complete coursework.. THere were a number of personal issues which took a long time to sort out. Like years.

I never told my parents I underwent counselling until my brother threatened suicide. (See below.) I just wanted to be left alone during depression and work out my personal demons with the counsellor without interference/influence from family. So I told no one in my family at that time...and I still think it was best I have my privacy to "heal". I did tell a few close friends who were supportive.

Anyway, no question at least for me, the body symptoms are connected depression or at least denial of something quite wrong. When I psychologically deny something significant, my body will respond: I fall alseep too often (like literally not wanting to be awake to reality).

My brother did threaten suicide (in high school) and underwent some counselling. He in my opinion, is lucky since he refused long-term depressants. I'm actually glad for his sake he did. It's tough for him to have 5 strong sisters and a strong-willed mother. He bought and lives in his own home, etc. ..a good thing to live separate life from his demanding family. He's always had a full-time job ..and it pays well. He manages his money well. So it's a good base for him to move forward. I'm glad for him.

So meredith, I can guess what your family must be going through. It's serious counselling and self-analysis that your brother needs to cut out his co-dependency. Drugs will not be the solution. The sad thing is that it might take the death of your mother...for him to wake up if he doesn't wake up sooner to make change for himself.

One of my brothers-in-law, his brother, died of drug overdose. Behavioural problems and minor crime meanwhile his 2 other siblings were golden stars...university degreed, good jobs.

I also have a cousin who's husband committed suicide by jumping off a major road bridge. We went to funeral. Cousin has 2 children. Yes, I do believe it affected the children who lost their father in this manner. Suicide of a family member has a certain stigma also. I see a noticeable contrast of these 2 children in their psychosocial development both around the same ages as my niece and nephew.

Simbiotic behaviour between Mother and child (adult) is all around us. As people become more independant they strive for their identity.If knocked back even by kindness a person can remain dependent. It is possible to share a home if clear bounderies and personal space is adhered to.
I believe everyone should reach their potential and it saddens me when it does not happen.
Even quarrelsome and antisocial relationships can be simbiotic... one feeding from the other.
Mountain ash