Hannelore, please go into this with an open mind and without your own agenda.Don't be hell bent on getting your way because then I think anger will shine through.

Try to react in love with the idea of keeping peace within the family and hopefully, since you have a loving family, you will have a good outcome.

I'll be praying for you. Just did - again.

I waited to post Hannelore. Seems as if we have the years when we are "in charge" then the tribe grows.But this woman wanting not to use YOUR tribe name is being passively aggresive.I feel this is a hint of things to come.So I feel you must go to the wedding.Stay together...safety in numbers.
By being so understanding and deep thinking for the first son marriage name you left the portcullis up for this.
The selfish bride is pulling strings...really she should keep her name if she chooses but not at the expense of your sons.
By accepting the invitation to the wedding you are doing the best thing long term.Write a loving letter to your son...have husband sign it and "cleft your troth" to your home unit.
I am behind you ...but even after waiting I would like five minutes alone with the bride to be...
Sorry if I have sounded off...its all so needless.
Mountain ash

Hello my friends. Just wanted to let you know our little family has agreed to a cease fire.

In German there is a saying; “The smarter one gives in.”…Well guess Hubby and I are the geniuses. Our son has taken on his fiancé’s last name.

That wasn’t the issue anymore, though. Our son was terribly aggressive and angry about us all not accepting it…and now we know why. It’s because he had already changed his name at the notary before he even consulted us. Maybe after all our arguments, he regretted changing it…and found no other way then to lash out at us. That could explain his behaviour.

I’m just trying to find comfort in the fact that there is peace between the brothers. He also took me in his arms and told me how he loves me and is sorry that he was such a mean bully. (He really was awful!)

Last week I had written a funny, but emotional touching poem to read at the wedding. I don’t know yet if I can still do it,…especially about the part about us being so happy about gaining a daughter….


… I know, I know… I have to come to terms with it, and find peace within myself. I’ll try, I really will. … There is one comforting thought in all this. They are expecting a baby in February …and someday this baby will grow up ….and be independent and do whatever it wants to do as well. Now it’s their turn to be parents and deal with all that comes with it.

tee hee

Thank you all for your prayers and all your valuable advice. It truly helped me stay calm ( No, I didn’t take any valium), and think; “whatever shall be…will be”. Oh and Mountain Ash, would you like my DIL’s address? You made me lol. Thank you.

I love your little icons in latest message above, Hannelore. Well, you could always adjust your poem at speech time abit...by simply wishing the couple a happy marriage....full of learning and....humility.

Glad to know it all worked out well, Hannelore. And, that you did not have to pop a pill

Whew! I'm SO happy this worked out! I have son's and for your son to hug you and admit his behavior was just great! Congratulations. I, too, do not understand his name change! It's so strange and it is so to anyone I tell the story to! But ~ you are right, of course, let peace rein!
Still, it'd be nice if your grandbabies took your name, at least one of them!
dancer, very happy for you.

A dear friend who was a nurse...we shared issues about a teacher(serious) we were sounding off about this witch.Long time ago now.
She wanted five minutes with her in a nursing situation .Witch in bed Norah the nurse.I asked what she would do.She said she would be as kind as she could be.I learned somethin that day.MY five minutes would have been unlike my dear Norahs.Alas I felt angry.

Sounds as if you are right .You know your son well.He was defending what he had done...OOPs.
well done you and hubby

Hannelore, from all yur postings about your family and all you do together, I had a feeling this would work out. What a lovely son to apologize and admit he was a bully. I bet that felt so good.

Yes, it felt good Dotsie...but it still didn't change the fact that he isn't carrying our name anymore. I'm upset with myself that it upsets me like this. Jeesh... didn't know I could think so shallow. Nothing like another self revelation at my age. ugh. Really helped to vent here, and thanks everbody for being there with me.

Soooo hush thwarted heart, don't let out a sigh
Why he'll always be my boy, yes ... that funny named guy
Little boy kisses, pudgy hands, chocolate smile
Mama holds on too long; let lose and say good-bye.