Hannelore, I understand you completely. Again, if I'm to be completely honest, I have to share this. My current hubby was (unfortunately)my rebound guy. He recognized right away that I was rebounding and he backed away. I loved him, at least I thought I did, at that time but we stayed apart for awhile and I dated others but there was nothing deeper than companionship and I just saw more lost souls like myself. We were on again - off again for a year. Both of us were mistrusting and trying to find our way but we always ended up back together. In August 2004 we finally said "this is crazy...either we make a committment or walk away." That very day we set our wedding date for 2 months later. And that was it! But honestly, and secretly I do still have moments when I wonder why I did it again and why so soon! I know that I would never have the energy to do this ever again. But then I've also learned to "never say never!" I love him very much and just this year we've settled into a comfort level that we haven't known so it's working well. I struggled terribly being alone when all that happened. I was just fortunate that my rebound turned out okay. It could have been more of a disaster than it was....and there were some very awful times but we kept going to get to where we are today. I just, unfortunately, don't have the blind trust that I once had.

Eeeeewwwww....chatty, you must have been mortified! That's just terrible! Somehow he fell in love with you as a friend rather than as someone he wanted to spend his life with....strange, but I can see it in an odd way. What WASN'T nice was that he led you on, asked you to marry him and then came up with that excuse! Too bad he hadn't put it in some other words. Must have been devastating for you at the time, seeing you were so fragile and gave so much to this man. Hmmmm....now I can see how you feel the way you do about men sometimes!

Ladyjane, just going back to what you said earlier about feeling sad at this time of year....the same thing happens to me in January...I always forget about it though until I start to feel really miserable and then realise, hey, it's the same week as when he told me he was leaving all those years ago...weird.

Chatty, what a horrible thing to happen to you...but maybe it was a narrow escape after all?

Hannelore, to answer your question...I never thought for a second about being single...I just wanted to be married! When my ex moved out, I remember feeling liberated that I could cook all the meals I loved that he hated and I could decorate the house as I wanted...but other than that, I just wanted a husband to share everything with! My new hubby was a "fellow-victim" of infidelity so I trusted him quite easily. I don't think I could have trusted someone who hadn't been through the same as me...and of course my hubby's first wife was the woman who had the affair with my first husband, so he knew EXACTLY what I had been through! Unique situation I guess.

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Lola, I'm not sure of your situation, but unfortunately there is never any way someone can be forced to keep their marriage vows....

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Very true, CountryGirl.

My ex-husband was in the middle of his diaconate when I met him but, left to get married before ordination. He sought re-admission to the priesthood when patrimonial issues were resolved, i.e. our children have grown up, and I was not encumbered by any economic hardship. My effort at that time to "force him" to give regard to our marriage vows arose from my view that a married state is as meritorious in God's eyes as a vocation to the priesthood. Our respective professions, background in theology and active work in Apologetics allowed us to do Apostolic work as married people. Yet, it had not been enough for my ex-husband and the longer I distracted and opposed him from fulfilling his calling, the more miserable we felt.

My close association of friends and extended family offered the support when I needed someone to talk to. Charitable as they were, none could offer counsel in the form that I sought at that time nor dared risks with opinions on matters of spiritual vocations. Much like you, I prayed hard. Eventually, I had to let go. Not an easy thing to have done because, all in all, our married life was a good one. He was a good father and a good husband for the duration of our married life. But, most importantly, I loved him.

It has now been a few years since his re-admission to Sacred Ministry and I have since balanced the temporal with the spiritual. Fully reconciled to the fact that where I grieved a loss, the Church has gained. And, where the question is constantly posed by friends and family as: am I happy? I can only say that I still wear my wedding ring, count my blessings and keep myself busy.

How very difficult, Lola. I have struggled spiritually ever since but am finding my way home slowly but surely. Thanks so much for sharing with us.

Oh Lola, my heart goes out to you. Thank you for sharing your situation...you are a remarkable woman...you're in my prayers.

Countrygirl, did you go through a spiritual struggle when or after all this happened?

Well Ladyjane, as you know we ended up talking about this one in the Whine section! But at the time of it all, no, I didn't struggle spiritually...I absolutely clung to God with all my might and felt confident that He would get me and the kids through it all.

I only recently (6yrs or so) started going to a fairly strict church. It seemed refreshing after my old church which was led by a man who was very ungodly and even told my friend's husband that blue movies were ok!!!

My hubby and I were seeking a church with upright people and ended up where we are now. Don't get me wrong, there are lots of lovely people there and our Pastor is a good man. It's just all the intolerance and pointless rules I can't cope with. We realised we wouldn't feel comfortable inviting my unsaved family members to come with us because we think it would put them off God for life...isn't that sad? Man! Why are we going there??