Hi Danita, I love the words chatty and ladyjane have shared.

Have your thoughts and mood settled a bit after this last trip?

Danita, I'm here for you too. I know how painful it can be but I also know I came out of it a much stronger and wiser woman. Pain can sure bring about growth and it was something I needed really bad!

ladyjane, your story is so compelling. Do you mind me asking what happened with the husband and other woman?

I'm a wide open book, Dianne...about a year after our divorce was final, he married this other woman (she had been the church secretary, by the way....how classic is that?) They have been married 3 years now and have had a terrible time of it all. He has apologized profusely over and over again to me. My daughter who lives very clsoe to him says he sits at her kitchen table and cries over the fact of what he did to me and our family and says how unhappy and miserable he is. This is a great example of how the grass is rarely greener on the other side....or better put, you reap what you sow. The really hard thing for me to come to terms with now is I just found out that he accepted an invitation from a church and has become their pastor, something he hasn't done since we left our church and something he's always said he could never do again....just found out last week. I am soooo disappointed in him, but I have a new life and must keep on going. I swear I could write a book about all those years....UNreal! It's odd but I was looking for a forum specifically for former pastor's wives when I came across this site...this is what I needed, not the other. For me, it's far more healthier! Although, there are moments when I just want to talk about what happened. Thanks for asking, Dianne!

I think you SHOULD write a book. I knew a woman whose husband was a minister and he physically abused her. Don't think for one minute any member of their congregation believed this sweet man could do that! It was truly horrible for her but she left and helps other battered women now.

I think it would be a fascinating read. I'd buy it for sure!

That's wonderful news that she helps other battered women now. Sometimes the very best you can do to heal is to give back...wonderful! Unfortunately so many minister's wives just seem to slip off the face of the earth when something horrible happens. It's generally very public and humiliating. I found one and only one forum for such but it was very inactive. I wish there was something out there but maybe it's just too hard for some to get involved. I'd love to write...but would I really want to look back that deeply?

Danita...you have come so far in a short time! And when I read your list...isn't number 3 the only thing we need to know?

I know you will continue to grow and blossom in your own garden!

Ladyjane, maybe you should start a support group for these women. Surely, they need a place to go for validation. I know my sister did when her husband admitted he was gay and not only had a lover but was HIV positive. It helped her to know she wasn't alone.

OMG ! Has your sisiter written a book yet Dianne?

ladyjane, your story is so similar to mine. My husband was an Elder of our church and he had an affair with (and later married)the Sunday School Superintendant. We lived in a small village at the time and it was so humiliating and such a bad witness to the community.

Our children (on both sides) were very badly affected by it all and only my two (now in late teens) stayed with the Lord. I have thought of writing my story too...but don't know if I really want to go over it all in my mind again, especially since I have managed to forgive and move on (even though my ex-husband said he would never be sorry for what he did).

Do you want to know the really great twist in the tale?

The other woman's husband called me to see if I was ok, and we ended up getting married almost a year before they did!! God works in mysterious ways!

Wow, Countrygirl! Hehehehe....sorry for my giggling but I couldn't help it with your last line! We definitely have something in common. This happened to me beginning in May '01 until my divorce in 6/03. I still think about it....not so destructively as I once did but certain things come to mind. It's a pleasure to get to know you!