Would agree with Anne237 on walking/being confident in your surroundings.

What I meant about dressing for my own safety....is:
wearing shoes that I can walk comfortably...and if necessary fast/even run in if I have to.

buying and carrying purses that are designed in such a way that they don't invite thieves.

about showing skin/cleavage, etc. There's a time and place for this. While it's nice to just feel comfortable in one's own skin regardless of body shape,etc. ..

Over 1/2 of the organizations I have worked, have been dominated by men, meaning 70-80% of people that I had daily dealings with. It's easier on everyone not dresss provocatively. Remember men these days have wives/girlfriend who work also and may also be professionals themselves. Many of these men who are faithful to their partners, really aren't that interested in your sensual self. So why bother showing cleavage, etc. at work?

In one's personal life, it depends on the social circle and event/occasion with others. Age-appropriate clothing to me, means showing self-respect ....which means choosing colours and styles that make you look coordinated, not haphazard / slapdash. Age-appropriate clothing means also dressing in a manner that respects the event/social group that you participate in.

If it's an evening party, well, then show abit more skin. If it's travelling and visiting people who have far more conservative beliefs, then respect that and dress for it. In no way, does that mean muffling your own personal style.

A person's personality is part of the whole pkg. to fashion sense also. A gorgeous dress/beautifully cut suit suddenly looks abit dim if a woman's language sounds like a sewer.

Recently a young woman in her early 20's boarded a bus I was on. She started to berate and swear at bus driver who was simply asking for her ID and fare. She was wearing lovely makeup and clothing. She had destroyed her fashion sense/image with her personality.

Anne, that is a good point and we all must remember it: It is not about what a woman is wearing if she is sexually assaulted!
This is very serious for me because I was walking down a street once, carrying my one year old son and a man passed by me on the side walk and grabbed my breast! I was so upset, I set my baby down and started after him! He was surprised and ran and I was upset because I could not leave the baby alone there on the street while I chased this pervert! I was VERY upset about this and I called the police with my husband and made a report.

I was a model, and a dancer and so I was a certain "type," an attractive type, if you will.

Later my mother in law and sister were over to consol me. My mother in law said, "What were you wearing, honey?"
My sister opened her mouth and said firmly, "Shut the F*ck up!" My sister was SO offended at the question and I was stunned into a sort of trance thinking about the question and why she might have asked it!
I was hurt by that and tell this story often because of it.
I was wearing what I was wearing and a man grabbed my breast as he passed me on the sidewalk. THAT was all there was to report regarding what I did.

Please never ask a woman that question. What we are wearing does not matter with regard to angry and violent men. Trust me, I could have been in a shirt buttoned to my throat and this guy would have grabbed me anyway!

dancer9

Thanks, Dianne!

That is so true, Orchid! A beautiful person can become ugly before your eyes in seconds if they show an ugly personality or speak and show character traits that are deplorable! An average person can become more and more beautiful as they show you themselves!
Good point. I have worked with some of the most beautiful people in the business yet my close friends, those of beauty, are those out of my work! I find those with character traits that are wonderful beautiful.
When I was dating, my son would say: "It he's ugly, my Mom will like him."
It was so true, but no one was ugly, I liked the kind people. I married out of my feild this time, I got a clue and now my mirror is not hogged by my husband.
dancer9

LOL, I dated a fellow dancer once, and was married to a "rock star," whose name I cannot say because of the terms of the divorce so I know how some men can be!
I have caught them "working," on their face, watching themselves perform and posing themselves to the best angle. I've seen them work on their smile.

It's strange because when you are at a certain level in my business you don't have to work on those things anymore. You pretty much have your personal presentation down, or should.

It was as if they were "checking," to see how things were now when they perform and if they needed to alter something in their pose or how they open their mouths when they sing!

really funny stuff. But when you are getting ready for a gig and your mirror is full of a man getting his hairs in the right place while you must wear make up and the whole nine yards, it can be frustrating!

You see, I do not wear make up unless it is an event or I'm going somewhere where I have to look nice. My italian/French genes make my skin and such look fine to me without it. So~ I don't understand when a man looks at himself so long and with such detail to go to the grocery store!
I've always envied men for the fact that they do NOT have to wear make up or fuss with themselves so much!

When you are a professional dancer you are an athlete and spend years and hours being sweaty and working so hard that you cry at night from the pain. We all don't put so much focus on our looks as people may think. It's a make up artist that does our face many times and we wash it immediately! If you have to wear it to work, you really want a break at other times. Most models I know never wear make up unless they are working.

But these men, and I've seen a LOT of them, they take that mirror seriously. We have a nickname for that type in dance...

I love the subject, thanks for the post.
dancer

I haven't been involved at all in this discussion (I think I was away on vacation for most of it). But it just sparked a giggle in me. I'm not a mirror person at all, just do what I have to do to look presentable first thing in the morning and that's about it. Hubby isn't either, but he does make me laugh. Sometimes he'll come up behind me and look into the mirror. I see his eyes sparkle and big soft smile come over his face, and I wait in eager anticipation for his tender words of endearment, only to hear "What a handsome man...did you know you were married to such a handsome man?" Then gives me a quick peck on the back of the neck and goes on with his day. LOL.

It's funnier if you know him, because he's not a mirror-guy either, so when he does that, it's so out of character that it's endearing and humorous (it probably helps that he speaks with a lovely French accent too!)

Eagle, Ross isn't a mirror guy either, but every now and then he'll pull up his short shirt sleeves and make a muscle for my benefit. I get a kick out of it for the same reason you do when your husband comments about how handsome he is. I tell him those muscles are bigger than they've ever been. It's all in fun.

Dotsie,
I think men should have self esteem the same way we do as women. I think a bit of mirror checking is very healthy and a good thing.

I speak of the men in the business I am in or in businesses where what they look like makes a difference, (presentations, etc...) some of them are wayyyy ove the top with self obsession and it is narcissism to be sure! The poses that men go through, for example, when they are "rock stars," because I have sung with many Grammy winners, are hilarious! They practise singing and check their look in the mirror while singing,
in their stage clothes,
in minimal make up
in the right lighting,
while checking their teeth, all of them,
while dancing,
and many other ways! It is such a put on
and many musicians do not do this or like it
because it has nothing to do with the music.
A real musician, and I've seen it over and over
will go to the top regardless of whether or not he
poses or wears women's make up lightly on his face!

THESE men were my targets! I literally could not get
to a mirror if I were in a shared dressing room with
some entertainers! I feel I have to wear some make up
to be seen out there but I wash my face right after as soon
as I can. I use my real eyebrows, I have no altering of
my face or body, and I never wear a short dress while singing with these bands. THEY, however, or some of them,
are very calculated in how they present themselves! It's just sad because women go for it many times!

I could go on and on...

It's my life and it is what it is. Thank God I have
charities that I give time and money to that give
my work more meaning than what I can get back from
my audience!

dancer

Now, how did we go from what is your style to this topic? Too funny. Dancer, when I used to sing for a living, my band would go into the bathroom of our dressing room, not to look at themselves but to snort coke! I hated it and it made me nervous. It was actually sad and my lead guitar player ended up having a heart attack at an early age. What a waste of life.

I have one of those magnifying mirrors in my bathroom. Not a good idea. You see things that aren't even there.

Oh and...I had a guy grab my crotch in a grocery store once. Seems I was his 6th victim so I had the pleasure of going to his trial and testifying. His lawyer tried to blame me!