My Dad has just died. Only five weeks ago he was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, and he died on Friday the 23rd June. He fathered six children. Myself, the oldest and my brother Greg who was killed in a motorbike accident in 1984, just 22 years old. He married a second time and fathered a son. He married a third and last time and fathered three daughters. His youngest child is 18 and still at school. The other two are in good relationships and have little children. My father lived with his wife, their 18 year old daughter, and his wife's parents, the father who had a stroke 18 months ago and is bedridden.
My father had no assets, they live on a property that they pay the mortgage on but it is in my sister and her husband's name - it is their second mortgage, so they are liable for this property as well as their family home.
My husband and I offered to pay for the funeral which would have cost $1,500 if we had purchased a prepaid plan five weeks ago. However, five weeks ago, it was too distressing to talk about and I thought we had more time so we did not talk about the implications of a burial. So the burial cost us $6,800. We have divided the cost in four. My concern is that they have no savings and they may well need that extra money down the track for the mortgage repayments.
My Dad was 69 years old. His wife is 51 years old. He died with no assets, a personal loan of $11,000 and no one really knew his wishes. His wife dictated that he would be buried, not cremated but his children picked up the cost. He made no provision. My husband and I are now looking at funeral plans, and my Mum is glad she has enough savings to cover the cost of her funeral. Have a plan and ensure that it is your money that will pay for it, not your surviving families!!!

Hi, Debshines: I am so sorry to read of your Dad's demise and the events following it. I offer my sincere condolences to you and your family. I fully agree with you. My husband and I have bought plans a few years ago (following his angina attack) which a colleague thinks is a morbid way to plan for one's life. She is of the opinion that it falls on her children to make the arrangements for her, and her husband, when the time comes. IMO, planning helps greatly in a situation where the loss would simply be too great to bear in the first place. Hope your experience help others look into planning future arrangements of this sort.

Deb, how sad that your father was taken at such a young age. I am sorry for your loss and the financial burden left to his family. This is not the first time I've heard of this. I'll pray that it is settled simply with the siblings.

Hi Debshines. So sorry to hear of your loss. Hugs and prayers for you and your family.

Debshines,
I'm so sorry for your loss. I certainly understand what you went through with your dad. My Mother also died from pancreatic cancer at the age of 68. She lived 7 weeks after she was diagnosed.

~Cookie~

Deb, I'm so sorry to hear of your dad's passing. I will pray for all of his family, for peace, strength and for financial burdens to be relieved.
((HUGS))

DebShines, my sincerest sympathy to you and your family...

Thankyou. Cookie, you are the third person that I have heard to also have such a quick demise from the diagnosis. It is a devastating disease. Some good is coming out of this for our families. My stepbrother and his wife and little daughter will be visiting us in two weeks, and they may have work for my second son. They have a farm mechanical business and are looking for an apprentise. This would remove my second son from his drug problems and my sone is actually seriously considering this.

Deb,
I don't know how I missed this post, but I want to say I am truly sorry for your loss. I pray for peace to find you. Also, you are so brave, and smart, to seek and find the good out of it all. Some would not allow themselves to do this. Good for you. I pray that your son will be helped by this offer. Keep us informed!

JJ

Thankyou everyone.
Yin and Yang...there is always good and bad. I found this website while looking for a way to connect with other women similar to myself at a point in my life when I was frankly lost. I feel much stronger now. And because of that or simply as a coincidence, my working situation has improved in leaps and bounds, my relationship with my husband is stronger/deeper then it has ever been and I am progressing with the kids. This is much better then selfhelp books because it is interactive and living. It is also so exciting to make links with women from all over the world. One day, Dotsie will have to organise a Boomerwomen conference in some exotic location where we can all meet up and laugh together at each other and the world!!!
I am visualising a great outcome for my son so I will keep yu all informed.
THANKYOU FOR BEING HERE!!

One more thing...I viewed your family at the link you gave and you are all precious. What a happy group. And I love the renovations you all had done. Wow...What a great house.
I'm so glad you've joined us Deb!

JJ

Thanks JJ and everyone else. You know, I have been exhausted so not much on the 'puter, sorry, but great to get back and find these supportive comments. I am now off to meet my Mum and a girlfriend for lunch. I am going to walk up the street, cross over the river on a ferry (because I can only walk so far in my high heeled boots) and I am going to be extra nice to my Mum. Then Mum is going her way, my girlfriend and I are meeting our husbands for tea and then coming home, what a BIG day, now I am off to shower, makeup and go!!!!!!

Deb, hope you had a great time. BOots? It's 100 degress here. The thought of boots makes me sweat!

The idea of walking and ferry boats sounds lovely.

Do you drive much?

We had a great lunch and tea. My Mum thoroughly enjoyed herself even though I told her about our drug addicted son. I thought it has been going on for two years and if anything happened, she might resent not having been told. She was pretty good about it. But she can be most judgemental. She can also be pretty dramatic and emotional so sometimes I don't tell her things because coping with her emotions is as draining as ever!!
Lunch was a footy fund raiser. We had celebrity speakers, and all recieved a showbag of goodies, including a couple of glossy magazines, always a winner!! Entree was salmon and prawns, mains was lamb and sweets were profliteroles or chocolate pudding yum as!!! Now I have to run every day for at least 10 years to work it off!!
I love my boots, they are so comfortable, I am going to wear them to death because it will soon be too hot to wear them. Although since my thryoid operation I can cope with the hot weather much much better.
I do drive and I love driving but I also love walking, taking the ferry, riding buses etc etc!!
After lunch my girlfriend and I had coffee and watched the people walk by in the mall.

Now that sounds like a wonderful time....you should do it more often if possible...