For some odd reason, I have missed this entire thread. Hannelore, I am so sorry to hear how much is on your plate. I hope you find the right place for your mom as soon as possible.

I agree with Dotsie - let your brother spend some time alone with your mom. You need the time off, your brother needs to see for himself what is going on with Mother and (forgive me for being so abrupt) your mom needs to know that you have some boundaries.

As far as Dotsie's question about needing to be cared for, I hope that I can be gracious and accept help from others when I need it. I also hope that I will ask for help when I need it. I am not very good at either.

My D, with his Parkinsons, needs tons of help. At first, it frustrated him and he would ask in a very crabby manner for help. Now, he asks without embarrassment. He has to have help, for many daily issues throughout the day. And he is learning to accept that as I am learning to offer help without needing to be asked.

Again, Hannelore, I am sorry to hear all of your life's setbacks, so to speak. If you want to talk, I do have lots of empathy in this area. I have D, mom with Alz, dad with temporary blindness (temporary for a year now) and a brother in California who refuses to come home more than once every 5 years and a sister who just moved to England. Oy!