It's hard for them. The worst thing is losing their independance. Things we do every single day and never think twice about become overwhelming chores, but they don't want to give in to it. In some ways it is good. It keeps them going. But some things are too much for them and it's hard for them to admit it. My fil was up on a ladder painting the gutters one day. He was 83 or 84 at the time. My son drove up the driveway and found him doing that and had a fit. there's just no telling them they can't or shouldn't sometimes. But that's no excuse for the mailmanLouisa

I know what you mean, Louisa. MIL and FIL are both control freaks. They have alienated family members because of it. They always had to have the last word and their word is always right. Even with each other - so you can imagine how stormy their home was. They still sit and snipe at each other, argue over who earned more on the farm, who was right about this or that 20 or more years ago. I can't say I really feel sorry for them now, they are reaping what they have sown.

I do understand their frustration and fear, but on the other hand I have watched how gracefully my parents accepted life and what it brought, right up to Dad's death and how Mom has conducted herself since. It is definitely MY parents who I plan to emulate in my declining years!

flipper, I think a lot of the marriages from our parents generation were like your in laws. Today I think people get divorced if they have that kind of relationship. What do you think?

Glad you have your parents as role models.

You are probably right, Dotsie. My parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles were all happy, well-adjusted people so I'd never seen this kind of turbulence in a relationship before I got here.

MIL and FIL are just so nasty to each other, and as they age it is only getting worse and they are more freely displaying it in front of other people. DH and I decided long ago that our kids would never have to grow up in that kind of home. Thank God, he has made it a point to be different from what he grew up with.

[ March 15, 2006, 08:16 PM: Message edited by: flipperjo ]