Kate,
I understand and I'm sorry you have this burden. It must be very, very hard to finally let go when you must. I know a bit about it, but with my sister. I have two son's and am lucky in their behavior. I've seen many a child go the wrong way in their peer group. In fact, I had a best friend who had a son similar to yours who had a terrible time letting go and letting him land on his own woobly feet and know he needed help. She kept trying to take him in or get him a place to stay even as people in authority told her to drop him and let him deal with the life he was making. In the end she had to let him go and she took more and more damage to her life until she did. It is easy to SAY let him go and I know it's another to actually do it!

I hope he get's his life together and realizes deeply that he needs help. I wish you strength in what you must do to help him do that in letting him go.

You sound like you have gone beyond what most parents would do in a case like this and taken a lot of hurt for it. I'm sorry.

The best of luck with this and please keep us posted?

It is not your fault, you know that, right? Addiction is a disease and we cannot take responsibility for another's problem with it, they must take it on. I hope he does.

I'll keep you in my thoughts!

dancer

Kate, I can't imagine your anticipation for when he is released. I'm sure you're concerned that he will come running to Mom again. Please consider what you are going to do when he comes to the door and pray that you have the strength to follow through when you see his face. I'm praying for your strength and his ability to wake up to his addiction and get the help he needs.

I'm so sorry you have to go through this. I really am.

My son's going back to treatment tomorrow. He had it all set up before getting out of jail. He's staying at a house in town for young men waiting to go to treatment, or needing a place to stay to get back on their feet. They can stay for up to a year. They can work or go to school but have to do something. There are lots of rules and chores to do or your out. My son has been for a few interviews at this house over the years but they would not admit him as his attitude was not good so they new he would not be able to go by the rules.

I met with the counsellor this time around and he said my son's attitude had changed so he let him stay there short term.
It's going well. He can't go anywhere without adult supervision and the adult has to be approved by the house, no drug users, addicts of course. My son is going along with this.A good sign but it will not be easy and I am not getting my hopes up anymore although of course I hope it sticks this time for his sake.

I asked him why he thinks treatment doesn't work for some people and he said because they don't want to quit. He said AA is great and if you do the program you will succeed. If you don't then you don't want to. So, he knows what to do it's just a matter of wanting it bad enough. We'll see.
Anyway good news for now.
Kate

Kate,
It sounds like a good start. I don't know all that you've been through with this son but this starts holds a bit of promise, don't you think?
If a home that would not take him before will take him now, that is a good sign.
I keep you in my thoughts and hope for a good outcome in your son's recovery and rehabilitation.

dancer9

Kate, it does sound promising if they let him in to this program when they wouldn't before. They have pretty good antena for the BS level of most of these kids.

Remember, it is his choice and his decision. He's absolutely right -- if the addict/alcoholic doesn't want to quit nothing is going to make him -- no matter what pretzel you turn yourself into.

I, too, will keep you in my prayers and your son, as well.

Hmmm...haven't heard from my delinquent lately (He's in a program). LOL! And I'm not even worried! What a relief. I pray that you get there, soon, as well.

Rejoicing in your good news, but understand why it's hard for you to get excited. You've been down this lane before.

The fact that they let him in this time must mean something positive. I look forward to hearing more good news. Take a breather while he's staying in this home and safe!

Thank you everyone. I dropped him off at the bus depot today and off he went. He was alot different this time around. Well, he has been down this road now 6 times so this may be it, or it may not be. I think he does grow with every experience.

He met a wonderful (his words) guy in jail. He was slightly older than him and they were both in isolation. They chose to be in isolation although it's tough as your locked down for 23 hours, out for one to have a shower. Guys that chose isolation are usually victimized so that's why they go there. There are no windows and my son says he found it hard to breath at times.

He said they talked the entire time and he learned so much from this guy about recovery. He was just in for a minor infraction as he breached his probation. He told my son that his parents are both deceased and that he is really lucky to have a Mom who is there for him. Nice to know. I actually managed to meet this young guy as when we were downtown getting my son's bus ticket we saw him and my son introduced us. He seemed really happy to meet me. My son said it was meant to be that this person came into his life when he did. Wow! Take these wonderful serendipity moments when we can. I'll keep you posted.
Kate

Kate, I see lots of God-incidences in your story. I'll be praying this bout with recovery works.

Perhaps the guy he met in jail this time was one of his little angels. Let's pray he becomes surrounded by them in his new environment; people who can say what he needs to hear at the appropriate moments during recovery.

I hope you are taking a breather and doing something fun this weekend. He is in a safe place now.

Thanks Dotsie,
I am having a great weekend. Went on a wine tour with a group of close women friends. We had a great time on the tour bus. One of the wineries was incredible, with chocolate fountains to dip fruit in and chocolate wine cups. Very decadent. The blackberry port was served in these. It was a great day.
I feel relieved that my son is in a safe place.
Kate

Kate, I wish you the very, very best. I hope your son is reformed and that his life can be straightened out. I always try to hope for the best!
dancer