My son is ok. He has found a job in the city he moved to and it pays really well. He moved into a room but met some young guys from work and has now moved into a house with two of them. He makes more per hour than I do and is now part of the union. He has to get up at 5:30am and works 10 hour days so he doesn't have much time to do drugs. He works six days a week and goes to bed early.

I have no idea if he is using but I know if he was doing alot of drugs he would not be able to function so that is a good sign. Still when he gets paid he blows his money, recently bought a lap top and continues to call me for food and bus fare money. I have told him NO for a while now. He needs to learn that he has to put some money away. This will be a hard habit to break as he always counts on me to bail him out. I realize that this is partly my fault and am trying to break the cycle.

So, some good news for now.
Kate

That's incredible that he is still asking you for money, where he is earning more then you are. Next time your son should ask for a hand out, tell him you were just about to call HIM and ask for money. That just may stop him in his tracks.
Glad to hear he has such a great job. Boy, that’s a reason to celebrate!!!!

His work ethic is great. Perhaps he's on a spending binge because he hasn't had money in so long. Maybe he'll begin to save soon. I would even say something like, "I can understand your spending right now, but once you get a few things you want, you need to begin putting money away."

I like Hannelore's idea.

I love my son and want him to succeed. I also want him to save some of his paycheque for necessities.

I would like to give him money just for doing well but I won't always be around and he needs to feel that he has no security blanket. Only then will he start to think differently and make changes.

My ex, still borrows from his mom and he is almost 50. My son has seen this. I don't want to be like his Mom, close to 80 on a limited income and still giving him money. She is retired and on a pension and he works full time and definately makes more than her. His live in girlfriend also works.

In the long run it's better that my son learns to depend on only himself and that is what I am trying to teach him. Trying that is :-)
Kate

kate, just a comment, every time I read about your son and something that has happened or how you feel, you are doing the right thing.

I just wanted to comment that you are a good, good mother,

dancer9

Thank you dancer9, I try hard.
My kids are everything to me. Thank God my youngest two
14 1/2 and 16 give me no problems at all. They are wonderful kids. Teenage stuff ya, but nothing major. My 16 year old never ever talks back and is respectful, my son the 14 year old sometimes tries it on but backs off quickly. He doesn't want to be like his brother.

The eldest came with major issues and had to deal with sexual abuse from a baseball coach and the divorce, the youngest don't remember the divorce at all.

So, he is the way he is and hopefully he will continue to learn even if it is sometimes the hard way. He has a good heart.
Kate

kate,
I see the problem when you tell me of his background. A child will go off when faced with what he was faced with. I hope that he learns to cope with his pain and learns to live a life and know that he is worth a good life and stops hurting so badly over his early childhood!

Your other children sound great but like a handful! I am proud of you for dealing with all this and once again, doing it right! It's a full time job with over time!

Again, I hope for your son. He has somethings that have delivered him a blow that he obviously cannot stand up to at this time. I pray that he learns that he is worthy.

If it is possible to heal him I know you will do anything YOU can to help that along.

You are a great mother.

Dancer9

Thank you.

My son seems to be holding his own these days. He keeps in touch every other day and is working full time.

He won't talk about the drugs but I know that if he was using he would not be able to work. So, I think he must be abstaining at least from the hard stuff.
Kate

Just got a call from my son. He went to a party with the work crowd. This was a huge party for the workers sponsored by the union. It was non stop food and unfortunately alcohol. When my son drinks he gets huge cravings for drugs.
So, he got drunk, went off with some guys from work. Spent his entire cheque over $700 on crack and doesn't remember the last four days, where he was etc. Woke up in the hospital. He is being watched and they told him the way his mind is, he is incapable of making any decisions for himself.

He called me to tell me he is there until Thursday then going back to the treatment centre he was at right before he went to Calgary with the first relapse.

Now, I am the kind of person who when something isn't working I try something else. I am at a place where I am wondering if I should step in. If he goes back to a treatment centre where he already was, why would it work this time.

Through much research I have read that being addicted to crack cocaine is different. Regular treatment centres do not work for these addicts. They need to be under a doctor's supervision, have a much longer treatment stay then other types of treatment and be monitored.

What do I do. I don't want to be an enabler, but if my son can't make choices on his own, should I step in. I want him to go to an addictions doctor. The 12 step program does not work for him and I've read it is not successful for crack addicts.

Wondering what your thoughts are on this. He continues to go through one revolving door after another. Goes to treatment, does well, comes out, gets a job, relapses.Goes to treatment, does well, comes out, gets a job, relapses. Goes to treatment, does well, comes out, gets a job, relapses.

It is obvious that something else needs to be done. I want to be careful and not take this on for my other kids sake.....but, what he continues to do just isn't working. I am 99% sure that if he goes to another 12 step program, treatment centre that he will relapse when he gets out.

What do you think I should do? I am too close to the situation to think logically, or am I!
Kate

I guess he's going to same treatment centre...because that's what he knows is available and doesn't hurt him at the time of treatment. He is at least, trying to help himself.

He does need someone to keep him on track..but you're too close. Best that at least he contact you on his progress because he needs to know at least you have knowledge of him and his whereabouts.

I don't know what else to say/offer. It sounds like a crisis ...for him..which is spilling over lots into his family.

Do these treatment centres offer him counselling while they are there?