There is a little update I just heard today. His Dad who has been estranged from him for most of the past 7 years called me to say my son had called. For the past year or so he has tried to make contact with him. When my son came last week I wouldn't answer the phone so he called his Dad and went to his house. It ended with his Dad giving him $50 to go back where he came from after two days.

We live on an island. It is approx 1 hour and 35 minutes ferry ride to Vancouver. My son lives about an hour outside of Vancouver so he is far enough away. It's not easy for him to just come over, and it can be expensive. He came over here for a reason but he said he didn't know the reason. It may have been to get drugs, who knows. His Dad mentioned to me that the girlfriend looked pregnant (my worst nightmare) and asked her if she was. She just looked at my son and they didn't answer, so that is a sign for sure. What a mess, and of course I warned him about using protection but he doesn't listen to anything I say anyway.

The latest is that she has left to stay with friends and he is on his own, says he wants to go back to treatment.
My ex works and lives in my son's town during the week, and comes home to the city where I live (and his other family) on the weekends. Because of this he has let my son stay with him a few times.

Today the ex called and gave me an update about my son. He told me that he told my son that no more help was coming his way from any of the family and to go find a shelter. My son called him because he has no money, no food and nowhere to go. Well, Sunday is not the greatest day and who knows if there is a shelter where he is, it's a small town. I guess he kept calling his Dad today. Last I heard his Dad had gone back to where my son is. When I last spoke with him he said he wasn't going to leave until tomorrow.

My ex has a lot of guilt around my son. I did too. I felt guilty because I broke up my marriage and my son's family, ( I had no choice as the ex became an alcoholic and a chronic cheater) my ex feels guilty because he basically ditched my son. I'm afraid now my son has got a hold of his dad. He is playing the guilt card with him like he did me. My ex acts strong, but yet he gave into my son today and is now going over to rescue him. I hope he doesn't enable him for as long as I did as this just keeps him stuck.

Although I do hope though for my son's sake that his Dad does connect with him as this is what he needs, not as an enabler but attention from his father. He has missed out on that since he was 12. Many times in the past I told my ex that his son cried himself to sleep at night missing him. He kept saying to me, why doesn't Dad love me. I told the ex this and he said he would try to spend some time with him but rarely did as he was busy chasing women.

I think he has settled down alot as he is aging. It is my hope that he can help at least a little as he has similar traits to my son. He still borrows money from his Mom and he is almost 50, she is 76. He constantly moves, changes jobs and is never satisfied. He was an alcoholic but I think he has that under control as he had another child five years ago, a boy. He totally dotes on this kid.

I'm sure he will keep me informed. In some ways I miss keeping in touch with my son and being the one to pick up the pieces (well I don't miss that part) but I think it's his Dads turn. I went through this all by myself from the time my son was 12 until now. From 15 to 22 he has basically caused me more grief than any one should have to deal with.
Kate