Thank you Dotsie, Hannelore, and Kathy. Well, tonight has been a rough night with her. In truth she needs help, and in a big way. Unfortunately, I can't do a thing about it. Now she's trying to drag my parent's into the drama and quite frankly, I don't want my dad to stress out and get sick.

Sorry, it's been a bad day with her. She wants to be on her own, but she comes to me to try to solve her problems. She can't have it both ways anymore.

She is very fortunate to have a support base there. But, the lady called me last night and told me she is having a difficult time getting Sofia to open up to her. She wanted to know what food Sofia likes so she knows to get it for her the next time she goes grocery shopping. These people are strangers, they are not obligated to go out of their way for her.

Anyway, she got mad at me because we wouldn't buy a plane ticket for her to visit her grandparents for a couple of days. I told her we are not millionaires and she can take the bus. Then she snapped at me and told me not to talk that way to her because she is 18 now. I told her, if that is how she feels, then she doesn't need to depend on me. For God's sake, she texted me because she wanted to send a birthday card to her uncle(the one you met Dotsie) and she didn't have a stamp. What did she want me to do? Send her one? It's things like this and it's frustrating. I am just going to have to let go and ignore her calls for awhile. I really don't want to go into another anxiety attack. I am not doing well in my job, which is client based. Even though they are understanding, my production has gone downhill. If a client is not satisfied and drops us because of me, I'm history. It worries me because I am the one with the health insurance for my family. Richard cannot get health insurance with his job until January.

Thanks for letting me vent. I look at the blessings because I know that God has a lesson in there somewhere. I keep thinking about the Prodical Son in the Bible.

I so appreciate all of you very much and I have to try to come here more often. Just when I feel that I can move on and not be so consumed with this day and night, the barrel falls on top of me again. I have had an idea for a new web-site, several actually, and I have wanted to work on it. They are on subjects I love. But there is work involved and I am so tired by the time I am free to write some contents for it. I want to write them first and do an outline before I get the web-hosting.

I love you all alot!

Cheers,
Cathi

Sounds really tough right now.

I hope she will finish high school and also find a positive passion where she will feel competent long-term.

Both of you have strong personalities (I hope you're not offended), hope both of you find a happy dance together. It'll take a long time...

Have you read the book, by therapist, Harriet Lerner, "DAnce of Anger"? She's written several..

Cathi, I think everyone is reaching out with loving arms here and I hope you feel the love surrounding you. Please do drop by your local library and see if you can find the book Orchid recommended. It just might help answer some questions for you.

Drop here when you can but even when you can't find a spare minute, know that we are all holding you and your family close to our hearts and thinking of you daily. Orchid is right, you have strength and so does your daughter, even if her may be misdirected from time to time.

Hold fast to your faith! God is near....Sending love, JJ

Orchid, don't worry, I am not offended at all! This could actually be the answers I've been asking for. Education has always been important to me and my family.

Thank you so much JJ, you've always been a great support and I am blessed to know you.

My dad talked to me tonight and he is flabbergasted. He said all those that have loved and supported her all her life, are the ones she is treating so badly. I talked to my mom and she told me the next time Sofia calls her and says she misses her family. She is going to tell her, "If you miss your family so much, then you need to go back home and get your GED and get a job." Then I will take you to Greece with me. My mom promised her that two years ago, as an incentive to finish her education on the high school level.

Sofia, and I have noticed this with her peers, are lazy. Sofia will name a profession she is interested in and when someone tells her she needs a diploma or college degree. She drops the subject, because it wasn't what she wanted to hear. Her consistency, all her life, has been to work with animals. Again, she at least needs a HS diploma or a GED to get started.

I remember being more ambitious than that. I would try to find out information for the things I may be interested in and most of the time my parent's didn't even know I was doing that. In other words, I was independent. Not only me, but my peers at that time as well. Things have really changed, haven't they?

I love you all alot and I do feel the love surrounding me.

Cheers,
Cathi

Many people return to education when they realise the long term benefit of qualifications.I worked in a further education college and saw sucess many times over.
What if you said OK get a job...the responsibility of earning fitting in at a workplace and then seeing how far(or not) cash stretches.
Sometimes peer pressure leads a person when they are feeling fragile.Does she have a best friend who is on course?
We all have dreams for our children and I do understand your concern so keep us posted at what is happenng.
Mountain ash

Cathi, I agree with all that has been said. Your instincts are to be trusted. She has had a great upbringing, and it sounds like she now needs to find her wings. She seems to have found a safe place to be on her own.

Cathi, I have read and reread your posts and if I may ask you, is your daughter slow? Maybe she needs special help. Some kids find it harder to learn than others and they drop out. Is the reason she is not living at home her idea, or yours? Hang in there, my two grown sons gave me fits while trying to find the right direction for themselves in life. I wanted to strangle my oldest many times when he was a teen but he turned into a wonderful young man. I will say a prayer for the both of you.

Chatty, I use to believe she was slow because I had teachers convincing me she was. Unfortunately, when she was put in the special ed program, she had a red folder, and it followed her wherever she went for the rest of her school years. She would start a school year and would do good until the teacher saw the red folder. Then it was, phone calls, wanting a meeting with me, etc. You get the picture. Below is what I wrote in the second post. But I will add this, when it comes to something Sofia wants, she sure learns it real fast. Another thing, at the time she was about 8 years old, when all this started in the school. She was, in the church we were going to, involved with AWANA. It's a Christian version of the girl scouts. One of their projects was to memorize some Scriptures. Well, she was one of the girls picked to go to the national contest. They didn't just pick anyone. I put these things together and I was convinced that most teachers wanted zombies in their classrooms. Please, if you are in the teaching profession, I don't mean to insult you. I know all teachers are not the same with this thinking. In fact, she did well in the 7th grade, that was because this teacher didn't believe in giving children medicine.

Quote:

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During her expulsion, we hired a private tutor to help her get ready to take the GED. She was doing well and he was surprised that Sofia was even in a special Ed program. See I knew it, I knew she didn't need this mess, but I caved in and gave my permission way back when she was in the 2nd grade. I fought against this special ed teacher back then, because she kept pushing us to get Sofia to take ritalin. For two years I fought. Then I got the impression if I didn't arrange for her to be put on ritalin, they would fail her. Again, gut instincts. But I caved in and they told me it wasn't addictive and she would make straight A's because she had the potential. So I caved in finally. I didn't like the fact that she would possibly have the impression that a pill would solve all her problems. As it turned out, I was right.

This tutor she was going to is a retired middle school teacher and his expertise is in Math, Algebra and the GED. He was astounded with what she would do and how she figured the problems out herself. He would email me after each session to tell me how it went. Sofia was doing good there, she was going to the gym everyday and she had a job she loved at a tanning salon. I knew it was too good to be true.

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She chose to leave home. This boy she's been infatuated with lives in Blacksburg, which is a 5 hour drive from where we live. I begged her not to go. I reasoned with her and told her that I understood that she wanted to go there. But it would be better for her to get her GED first, and save some money. She just didn't want to wait. So no, she chose to leave.

Cheers,
Cathi

Mountain Ash, she seems to gravitate towards not so good kids. She had a good friend here, and they had a falling out. I am glad because I didn't like that girl to begin with. She was very dominating in that friendship. I hear what you are saying if there is anything to try, we've tried it, believe me. I spent my entire life since she was born focused on her. I put many things on hold and gave up some really good opportunities. I reasoned with it will all pay off in the long run. I have to believe I am still right about that, but she needs to go make her own way. I have to trust that God knows what He is doing.

As far as education, while it would be nice if she had at least her GED. I am also a believer of it isn't too late. I read "Defying Gravity" and it is an excellent book, and if nothing else, you come out of reading it knowing. It is never too late to get an education. That's what has kept me going and has given me hope.

Anno, one advise I would give new moms is, follow your instincts, even if others are beating you down. I believe if I did that, I wouldn't have started with thread. I am really grateful, at least this boy has a nice family and they are doing everything they can for Sofia. Including, trying to help her get her GED.

Cheers,
Cathi

P.S. If I don't reply right away, it is because I have to go to work. Right now, I am going to see how fast I can put make up on, LOL.

I am not a teacher of children anyway, but I agree with your words. Too many teachers don't want to be bothered or put forth the effort to teach and right away suggest drugs. Thats just plain wrong.