I can't totally relate, Jackie (I'm Jackie, too!), because my husband's family has never blamed us for things. But I found them difficult most of the time because of different world views and because they felt like they could give us "advice" even if we didn't ask for it. My solution was to avoid them, too, to the point where the first reason I wanted to move across the country was to get away from their "influence". We probably allowed them to do this because we've always been close to them but I came to the point where I felt I needed to stop it. We were adults, always very responsible but his sisters liked to treat him like the little brother. I always told him that I loved his family but it was too stressful to be around them alot. He now sees what I was talking about and now that we are 1800 miles away, I look forward to seeing them. I guess we had to make our move, and even though they were mad at first, it's working out well!
I don't know if this helps at all, but I will pray that you can work things out, while still taking care of yourself.