I am jumping in late, but it doesn't mean I care any less.

Gimster, I am also a woman who gave my life for my family. It's the same thing my mother did before me.

There was a period of time (prior to launching this site and the association) following Mom's death with three teens in the home that I felt without purpose. It was not a fun place to be. Like you, I knew I was loved by others, but I didn't seem to fit anywhere.

Can you pinpoint why you might feel this way? Can you begin to look towards the future with the thought of finding a new purpose outside of your family? Is there anything that excites you right now? Are you interested in making changes but not sure where to begin?

I know I'm askiing lots of questions but I'm only trying to help you sort through this.

I might add that I know another woman who has devoted her life - her all - to her family and is going through something very similar to you. It's almost as though she's given above and beyond the call to everyone else excluding herself and can't figure out how to care for herself and make the changes she needs to feel fulfilled again.

I'm rambling and don't mean to.

Please know I'm here and am interested in trying to help you sort this out. I hope you will continue to post because I'm sure others will respond in some kind of helpful manner.

Gimster, this sounds like clinical depression. Have you gone to a doctor to get this checked out? If it's a chemical imbalance, which is often at the root of clinical depression, there really is NOTHING you can do by yourself for that imbalance - and everything you try will fail, until you get the proper medication to help rebalance your brain. That imbalance is real and physiological and needs medical treatment. That should be your first step - get this checked out and get your doctor to prescribe an anti-depressant for you to help you at least be able to function on a daily basis.

When you're in this dark place, it looks impossible to get out, but you DO have everything you need to get you back out of there - BUT, you may need help, starting with the doctor's checkup and possibly meds. Please, Gimster, do this for yourself, as soon as possible. And keep coming here to let us help you through these tough days.

Gimster, I remember my friend Linda asking me this question over and over again after her husband passed suddenly. I told her we are so lucky to have an opportunity to "be". We are...

What we can do in our lives is limitless. It depends how hard we want to work for it. Nothing is impossible, we just don't know how to do it yet.

I was feeling low last week and this same question popped up in my head, and I pondered. Strange for me but it think I'm a seasonal change challenged individual. It takes me a few weeks to enter each season, with the fall being the worst.

I wondered why I even thought about this question and assumed it was because I needed to move from quiet alone (deep thoughts with too much time on my hands) to being around people. It's too easy to get in a rut when you have too much thinking time. I have some worry and that's why I have been feeling this way so I decided to quit my brooding, get dressed and get out of the house. This works for me and that's not saying it does for everyone. Spicing up your day in any way you can helps. I just won't let it happen.

What's it all about? For me, I'ts about being happy in the sense that I am alive with the potential to do and be whatever I chose....to be purposefull...or to at least work on it.

I'm glad you started this post.Are you seasonally challenged like me?

Gimster do you have much opportunity to rest each day?

I'm not talking about sleeping at night. You are entitled to slide abit when the children aren't around.
I hope that your hubby is assisting you in some mundane chores during this tough time.

I hope you will find an experienced counsellor for face-to-face chats.

You are entitled to be weak for awhile..which is why you need to rest and ...but consider exercise abit every day. No marathons just exercise abit. I've had some major shocking moments, including 2 periods of unemployment for several months each. It may happen again because I have only a contract job. Although I had to take steps to pull myself out (to find a job), cycling abit everyday was a destressor, it was an activity ..that was doable without much intellectual effort (thank goodness!!!!!!) and just doing a little bunny hill and enjoying the weather was nice achievement for the day...if nothing else. exercise is endorphin producing,....exercise is a natural therapeutic drug to give more energy to tackle more tougher things in life.

Baby steps, gimster. Baby steps.

As for how I remind myself, well:

*I'm not wheelchair bound/facing a permanent disability. Therefore I am more mobile, I can do more. I can see more of the world.

*I can speak English. (I'm sorry, this is a skill we're taking for granted here). Therefore it will be easier for me to do stuff or to ask for help from experts.

*Some people in this world already know me well and love me for who I am.

Have I ever wondered if I lost my life? I almost did. I was hit by a car as a pedestrian....as a teenager. And in that shock, I sat in snowbank waiting for ambulance to come after someone else called. I remember crying out of immense relief. I could have been disabled..etc., if the car went faster and threw me up onto the hood.

Sometimes I forget about that accident, it is like willful denial of an event, that might have resulted in something quite awful.

I'm glad that you are determined to live gimster.

Gosh I've so felt, and do feel this often. The interesting thing is that I have NOT given my life to my "family" as I have had none. So, it depends, I guess, on how one "feels" about their own life's situation.

I'm tired of struggling, financially. I'm tired of a tired body. Just turned 50 and my "get up and go got up and went". NAPS are highly under-rated.

Working from home is good, yes. I think it'd be worse working for someone else. I HATED that. Learning how to be self-motivated is a huge change for me. As a youngster I was lazy. Still am in ways, but now my/our finances depend on what we sell.

So, what I am saying is there are very often times I am so tired I feel like I just want to die and not wake up. Depression sets in sometimes, probably because I'm off Premarin, but I'm adjusting. Working is a must to living for us. No retirement so we're it.

I'm there with you!!

Couple good points here - thanks for posting them - exercise and hormones. Let us not forget what all the hormonal changes do to our moods. Gimster, have you spoken with your gyn?

Gimster, I'm so sorry for how you're feeling. I've been there. I've existed in the "nothingness" as well. It's not very fun in that dark place.

Come into the light and talk to your doctor. You shouldn't have to fight this on your own, because it's a battle you won't be able to win. Like EH said, it's a good chance this is depression and a hormonal imbalance.

Get help. Don't be afraid or embarrassed. I've cried in my doctor's office just out of sheer relief when he told me he could help me feel better.

Here's gentle hugs and supporting thoughts for your brave journey back from the nothingness.

We've seen quite a few 'before' and 'after' women here. It's amazing how many do a complete roundabout. Help yourself get help Gimster. You can do it.

Why is it we women feel we need to be superwomen, loving and nurturing everyone around us? Yet when we are the one is trouble we do nothing. Gimster ask yourself what you would tell a daughter or a dear friend that came to you to ask for your help, because she was feeling the same as you are feeling now. Be honest, what would you tell her after looking deep down into your very soul. Whatever your answer would be to her, that should also be the answer to tell yourself. There is help out there, you just need to find and take advantage of it. Posting here among your cyber friends is a good start. It tells us, and you, that you're searching for the help. Now you have our prayers to depend on. AND to heck with the kitchen, it isn't going anywhere!!!Take care, we care...HUGS