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#121737 - 06/20/07 12:49 AM
I honestly want to know
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Member
Registered: 01/16/07
Posts: 3404
Loc: USA
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Do you ever get sick of living? Ever think, "Is this all there is?" I just want to know how often, if ever, this type of thought comes to mind. It's just simply a question.
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#121739 - 06/20/07 03:02 AM
Re: I honestly want to know
[Re: meredithbead]
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Member
Registered: 06/23/06
Posts: 3703
Loc: London UK
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Never. On both counts.
Would "Is this all there is" be the counterpart to "When it comes, it pours" sort?
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#121740 - 06/20/07 09:14 AM
Re: I honestly want to know
[Re: Lola]
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Member
Registered: 03/22/05
Posts: 4876
Loc: Canada
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Yes. Often. But I don't allow myself to stay there. I've learned through some very brutal "dark nights of the soul" that "this too shall pass", and those feelings are temporary reactions to the pain, angst and overwhelming difficulty of living through intolerable situations. I've learned that there IS more to life than "this", but sometimes I have to wade through a lot of quicksand and crap to get there...and it's always worth the struggle in the end.
My husband and I figured out that in less than 10 years I've lost a lot of beloved people - Dad, Mom, my brother, all of my aunts and uncles, several close in-laws and good friends...and you have to count in the peripheral losses too: loss of the family home, cottage, traditions, family gatherings, etc, etc. It's no wonder that I've been on a very long journey through that quicksand of despair, asking "is this how's it going to be from now on???" I'm in a never-ending agony of absence, but I'm taking steps to learn how to survive and thrive beyond these losses. Therapy, meditation, seizing the day and celebrating the lives of the people who are still alive around me. It's hard, somedays I just want to curl up in a ball and never get back up. But I have to trust that there IS more to life than this and keep getting up in the morning and finding my little pleasures wherever I can - like being here, planting bright-coloured flowers in my front garden (and watching the older neighbours stop to enjoy the flowers on their morning walks) splurging on chocolate-covered macadamia nuts, feeding the birds in my backyard and watching them take baths in my new fountain...they're such little things, but they all add up so that by the time I fall into bed at night I can actually say "that was a pretty good day after all."
Long-winded. The question hits home.
_________________________
When you don't like a thing, change it. If you can't change it, change the way you think about it.
(Maya Angelou)
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#121741 - 06/20/07 09:24 AM
Re: I honestly want to know
[Re: Eagle Heart]
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Member
Registered: 03/22/05
Posts: 4876
Loc: Canada
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An addendum: I've also learned that those kinds of thoughts (is this all there is) are VERY seductive...I liken them to sirens of the sea...the more we listen to them, the less able we become to hearing anything else. They haunt us, become obsessively prevalent, eventually blocking off every other possibility of thought - ultimately leading us to succumb to futility and give up. Been there, done that, and I know I can't go there again.
I HAVE to muster up every ounce of strength to combat those thoughts with "better thoughts". Every day, throughout the day. I have to studiously ignore them and deliberately turn myself around in the opposite direction, even if I don't feel like going anywhere at all. I HAVE to be diligent, vigilant, and persistent in moving myself toward hope, even when I don't feel hopeful...it DOES get better, and easier, though I can't say if those thoughts or feelings ever completely go away. But my experience is that they eventually do fade into the background enough so that we can find meaning in our lives beyond the pain and woundedness that sparked those questions into being asked in the first place.
_________________________
When you don't like a thing, change it. If you can't change it, change the way you think about it.
(Maya Angelou)
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#121742 - 06/20/07 10:01 AM
Re: I honestly want to know
[Re: Eagle Heart]
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Member
Registered: 06/02/06
Posts: 753
Loc: USA
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Beautiful said, once again Eagle. Like you, in the last 10 years I have lost my parents,some aunts,uncles,a few cousins and some dear old friends. It is hard to take that all in at times, yet it makes me appreciate everyday I have on this earth, and all my blessings.
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#121743 - 06/20/07 10:17 AM
Re: I honestly want to know
[Re: Cookie]
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Member
Registered: 12/30/05
Posts: 3027
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Eagle the collective loosing of close ones..makes us stand forward a step.I know what you mean. Apart from my close family where I had good support it was a revelation when five of my Mothers cousin died in one year.This felt like I was left on the shore whilst many went sailing..I was still well but they were out of reach. So its the extended part of a tribe that gives us grieving too. I always feel the world is a wonderful place..Long may I feel this. Mountain ash
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#121744 - 06/20/07 10:34 AM
Re: I honestly want to know
[Re: meredithbead]
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Member
Registered: 03/06/06
Posts: 2529
Loc: Southern California
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Quote:
Honestly -- no. I'm always thinking "where does my time go? Days-months-years-decades?" If I lived to be 180, I still don't think I'd get it all done. So I really don't have time to think "Is this all there is?" because I see my to-do list and my to-be list, and what I realize is -- there's a lot.
Meredith, my sentiments exactly. My girlfriend and I were talking about death this past week; we've both lost our Fathers and it was Father's Day.
I said that I'd be really ticked if I got hit by a truck anytime soon - I have way too much left to do in my life! I'm not done living...
Kathy
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#121745 - 06/20/07 02:34 PM
Re: I honestly want to know
[Re: gims]
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Registered: 05/01/07
Posts: 7
Loc: Montana
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Oh yes, gimster. I feel like this quite often. My story is long and boring but I will simplify by saying that my husband is gone most of the week, we lost a beautiful home, friends, a great job, and my best friend turned her back on me....all within 7 years time.
Today we live in a small condo and are still getting rid of our "stuff".
When I look around and see our lives sorta "reduced", I usually take a deep breath and think to myself, "what is it that you want me to do, Lord"?
The funny thing is that when you really get back to basics, you begin to look around you and really SEE things you never noticed before....how very blue the sky is, the shape of tulips, the color of a blue spruce, and the patterns snow makes when it settles into a leaf-less bush.
Before I begin my day (which is very early in the morning), I usually ask the Lord to use me in some way that day, be it very small or very big. If I can be an encourager to someone or tell someone that I will pray for them, then perhaps, good has come out of my day.
Life is so multifaceted and changes many times. For me, this is a very quiet time.
_________________________
[color:"teal"]Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail. Ralph Waldo Emerson[/color]
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#121746 - 06/20/07 04:41 PM
Re: I honestly want to know
[Re: SisterGoldenhair]
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Member
Registered: 01/27/04
Posts: 1423
Loc: Warrenton, Virginia
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I've had my moments....believe me - as most of us probably do. But overall I am just so grateful to BE here, have so many wonderful friends and what little family I have left, and be in a position to enjoy every day in some fashion now that I'm retired. Many years ago, when I was a lot younger, I think I had some thoughts like "is this all there is" but time passing resolved that - - now it's more like "there's so much more than I ever thought there was back then!
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