Last week I gave my phone number to the owner of a restaurant I've frequented for the past 8 or 9 years. He seemed like a nice enough guy, his wife died 2 years ago of a brain anyourism (sp?) in his arms and she was pregnant. (He told this to my friends about a year ago) I decided after a couple of phone conversations that I wasn't interested because he works all the time and I could tell I would be the one doing all the compromising.

Anywho, I put his name into my county court record finder and guess what - he's married and getting a divorce. And it's not final yet.

So he called me this evening:

Me: Do you have any other children besides your 2 daughters? (I'm giving him the rope)
He: I have a 3 year old son, but it was a mistake, someone I dated very briefly.
Me: Well, I thought your wife died 2 years ago, did you have an affair?
He: No, it was after she died.
Me: You said your son was 3 years old and that means you would've been in the "mistake" relationship 2 years before she died.
He: No, I said he was 2 years old. (still doesn't add up, does it?)
More back & forth -
Me: I need to tell you that I looked up your name on the internet and the county court records say you are going through a divorce. What's going on?
He: That was my first wife and we never did get divorced.
Me: Doesn't that mean you were a bigamist?
He: Ugh, ugh, stammer, cough, etc. Really, it wasn't my fault, trust me. (HAHAHAHA)
Me: I promise I'm NOT going to trust you. I don't want you to call me anymore and I'm not interested in going out.

There was more, but you get point of it all. Ladies, at least check into your county court records if you meet someone new. If your county doesn't have records on the internet, then go to the courthouse in person. This guy is a real freak - I'm sure whoever dates him is in for a ride.

Why am I such a weirdo magnet?

It's a good thing you had the foresight to check on his legal status before getting involved!

Daisygirl, I wouldn't pat yourself for the "weirdo magnet" part just yet -- guys like that are attracted to anyone who breathes. Not that I'm saying you're not attractive -- just that you were the nearest warm body around at that minute. I'm sure he tries his creative storytelling on everyone.

I know he's lying to others. He lied to my friend and her bf - he told them the story about his wife dying who was pregnant about a year ago, before he ever talked to me. One reason I was willing to give him my # was that they had a very high opinion of him.

Beng a weirdo magnet is not something I would take pride in, believe me, I'm not patting myself on the back. If anything, I'm wondering what is wrong with me.

Daisygirl, I said that somewhat tongue-in-cheek, meaning that you're not a weirdo magnet, but rather that this guy is a parasite who leeched onto you because you just were there. He'd leech onto anyone. He's the problem -- you're not.

Daisy, I don't think anything is wrong with you. From what I hear, there isn't much to choose from.

I think there are more decent men out there then people think. Many of them are just shy and have a hard time approaching women.

Try looking in a different place. Look in places men tend to hang out.

Handymen- hang out at hardware store.
Golfers- golf courses, golf stores.
Fishermen- lakes, tackle stores.
Sports inthusiasts- sporting events.
Lawyers- courtrooms.
Doctors- hospitals.

What kind of man are you looking for? What kind of interests do you want them to share?

Conferences are a great place to find men. There are conferences for every interest you can think of. I'm married and everytime I attend a conference single men approach me and talk. Some of them seem very nice. Of course I let them know I'm married right away.

I know it seems like there are a lot of jerks out there, and there are, but I still think there are some great single guys out there as well.

You are wise for checking out their background before getting involved. You can't be too careful in this day and age. I'd check for criminal records too.

Good luck, I hope you find someone who you can trust and feel happy with.

Laurel

Daisy, I'm sorry for your encounter with that donkey (I'm being nice). I dated a restaurant manager and he was two time me with another woman, his fiance, whom he married and then he cheated on her! That was 20 years ago. My sister's manager is of a similar nature. I wonder if this is a trend with male restaurant managers?!

However, I'm glad you checked those court records! I encourage all women to 'sniff' before stepping out with anyone these days.

Might there be a Christian singles group nearby? You don't have to date the group members, yet just hanging out in a group setting is 'safe'.

Another place is colleges. When I was in college, there were tons of men in every class. So maybe taking a class in something you're interested in???

Another great place would be old car shows. Holy Moly. And if you don't want to meet them, the cars are worth seeing!

I agree with Laurel that there are probably more men out there that are nice. It's just that the creeps are so visible! LOL!

Other places to look within causes that you agree with -- Sierra Club has singles hikes, for example. And, judiciously checking out the Internet.

If you're looking for one with money, you won't find him at the racetrack or casino. They are all broke or working on it.

If you're looking for a thrifty one, try the Thrift stores or the Flea Market. Don't do Pawn shops in this case.

If you're looking for a handyman, find one with a run down shack. He's too good at his job to fix up his own place.

Stay away from bartenders...they know too much, or think they do.

Check out the walking trails. Note: If he's not a walker, he's probably a stalker.

If he's at the park with kids, he could a divorcee. Stay away...he has kids!

If he's at the gym, steer clear. Who wants to try and keep up with that?

If he's sitting on a park bench, move quickly. That's his bed.

If he's under a bridge,well, nothing more I can say about that one.

If he's in a movie theatre, check for snoring.

An OBGYN does not make a great partner. I mean, what would you talk about....oh yeah sure, you say that now.

Your new man could be anywhere. I found mine in a bar....and it's not what you think.