Religion is a bid issue for me. I did lots of stuff wrong when I was a teen. I don't know if God forgives me. I was raised fundametalist Baptist. I don't want to continue this subject here. I posted it already on the faith forum.
Maybe someone can help me. I've been feeling bad about myself for years.
Emily

Can't find my original post about this subject. I just know that there seems to be many people on this forum who gain so much strength from their faith. I don't know how to get to the place where I feel peaceful with God. I've been trying so hard.

Emily

It's sort of like being at the kind of luau that you're planning for this week...the tables are full of good things to eat, the decorations are festive, the guests are milling around, chatting, eating, laughing - but you stand back and watch it all happen around you, not allowing yourself to participate and you won't allow yourself to eat any of that good food because you think you're not worthy, that it's all spread out there for everyone else, but not for you.

There are lots of good-sounding reasons in your mind for thinking that, you might even tell yourself that it's good for your diet not to eat, but deep down inside, you know that you wanna! You want to get right in there, dig in, enjoy every bite and enjoy the festivities. But you're still convinced that you're not allowed.

Well, let me put it bluntly. That's all a lie. And anyone who has ever told you that you're not worthy or allowed to feast at that table has been lying to you. Because the absolute truth is that you are EXACTLY the person that this is all for - you are not only allowed, but you are invited and welcomed with open arms to this party, to this table - everything on that banquet table is there FOR YOU! You are the ONLY ONE who is stopping you from eating. I can tell you with absolute certainty that it is not God who is keeping you from that feast. He's the one who has laid it all out there for you.

So what to do? First of all, give yourself permission to feast at that table. If need be, go to the Host (God), and if you feel a need to, apologize for being late to the party, and then ask Him for a tour of what's available. Open you eyes to see what's there for you, what's always been there for you. And open your heart to accept it all as gift, pure gift - you didn't and don't have to do anything at all to receive any of it - it's just simply there. That's love at work. Love that doesn't expect, ask, demand or insist that you be anything more than who you are right now at this moment in time. There is NOTHING standing between you and that banqueting table - except you.

It's so much simpler than you've probably been led to believe. You just bow your head, whisper "I'm here, Lord, bless me according to Your will" and then just close your eyes and will yourself to believe that He's heard you and is welcoming you in with open arms and more love than you can ever imagine - just for being! Not for anything you've done or not done, that's all done and gone - today is all that matters to God - this moment, you and Him.

It's about relationship, not religion. Pure love sets that banquet table - and pure love invites you to come as you are and feast on every good thing laid out there. Stop beating yourself up for things you can never change - leave the past in the past and start fresh today, with a clean slate...His loving shoulders are big enough to take that past off of your tired shoulders and cast it away forever. Just be you with Him, that's enough.

Feel free to PM me. My childhood religion beat me up pretty bad too. You can work through it though.

Amen, Eagle! You said it perfectly! I love reading your posts. You make me smile.

Eagle, what you said is exactly how I feel.

Cookie, you are right, I love reading Eagles posts also
They have been a great source of comfort for me and I'm sure, countless others.

I would like to EM you Diane. Need to lie down now, due to change in meds. But will write to you within the next two days. Thank you for inviting me to do so.

Thank you for the offer of support.

Emily

Opps. I just read all of the posts on a faith thread. That was before my time, I think.

Emily

Eagle...I love the image you just wrote...how encouraging for all of us...

Remember how babies learn to walk...few steps up...oops fall down...crawl back up...pull up on the chair leg...few steps up...oops fall down...

Emily...hang in there...I know this is cliche...but...it's not how many times you fall...it's how many times you get up that counts! You're doing the things that will help you...just keep going...you're getting there...

The "first" Luau is today. So I'm not going to think of the other one to be held on Sunday.

The Sunday one will be with family. Since everyone knows about my challenge, I won't have to worry about pretending to feel any better than I can at this time.

Jane, Cookie, Dianne and Eagle, thank you again for your inspiring words.

I'm leaving know for Luau number one. Almost everything is ready. I'll only have a two hour break today between morning and afternoon shifts. (Our kids have a half-day.)

Anyway, I do feel some relief knowing that everything is pretty much in place. (yea!) Until everything is ready, I stress about upcoming events. My mother did this too. I learned how to be nervous from her.

Love,
Emily

Eagle, your luau metaphor is stunningly beautiful. I'm humbled reading it.

Emyjay, I can't catch your depression any more than you'll catch a migraine reading about mine (Good thing for both of us!) Every person on this planet has hardships, and we all deal with it to the best of our abilities. I haven't been in your situation, so instead of advice, I'll just offer love