Hi, all. I'm a double orphan, too. It's rough, but I know they're in good hands, and they certainly earned their rest. Once I moved through the deepest stages of grief, I did find one bright spot. I now have an incredible amount of freedom, which was a first. It's something, anyway.

Pat, glad this thread resurfaced. I read the previous posts, saw I posted back in August. And just a little while ago I was packing up Christmas decorations and held something my sister sent me that belonged to our mom. It's been five years and yet I still feel her presence with me. It's not a "spiritual" or other-worldly kind of thing. Just a sense that part of her is with me now and it was such a comfort.

It is rough but it does get better.

Blessings, Francine

Things like that comfort me, too, writegirl1949. And, in a real way, we will always have our parents with us as long as we're alive. Our bodies were created from their bodies, and our hearts and minds have been shaped by them, too.

Funny thing: if I start missing my mom these days, all I have to do is go look in the mirror. It's getting scary how much I'm starting to look like her.

Oh Pat ... how true that is. There are three of us girls and I can different parts of my mom in each of us. LOL. What's really strange is that along with the three girls, there are two boys and I cannot find anything in any of us that resembles our father.

But it's nice to "see" the reflection of my mom in my sisters.

Another little comment on our connections, so to speak. My grandmother died when my daughter was fairly young so she never knew Granny. Needless to say, my granddaughter rarely even saw a picture of Granny. But there came a time when Alexandra was about 3 or 4 and she was standing in one of her nightgowns, her arms folded and her hands held together over her little "pouchie" tummy and for a minute all I could think of was my Granny. She'd stood that exact same way so many times and it was a wonderful and unexpected blessing to be reminded how we carry our heritage even when we may not realize it.

Blessings, Francine

There is no way I would allow anyone to keep me from displaying my parents photos. Its your home too probably more since your the one who cares for it and everything in it. Honor your mother and your father anyway you choose. They deserve to be remembered and seen not shut away in some picture album, shame on him....

[ January 09, 2006, 08:17 PM: Message edited by: chatty lady ]

I lost both my parents before I was 40, from cancer and a heart attack. My dad died right after my mom was diagnosed with lung cancer! So my mother dealt with chemotherapy and losing her husband! We were angry at dad for smoking and not giving it up. It was also one shock after another for us and my mom. She died a year and a half later. My brother died of cancer last year. We have colon cancer in our family. I am 60, my older brother was 62. My younger brother will be 55. We are doing ok. I felt terrible when my parents and brother died. Take care, Cathy

Cathy, I was with a friend yesterday who lost both parents within two years of one another. That was 27 and 29 years ago. She was such a young adult.

I hope you get regular physicals due to the health issues inyour family.

I need to also. My mom's side is riddled with cancer and Dad's is all the heart complications.

I haven't posted in months --- I've been caring for my mother as she slowly died from old age (91) and congestive heart failure (Feb 12th).

She was living in a nursing home but I still feel like I "cared for her" because, as the oldest child, I was in charge of her care. Sigh! The weird thing is that I haven't cried for her. She'd been on hospice since Nov 30th. For the 6 months before her death, she'd been slowly withdrawing from life --- she was less and less communicative and she slept most of the time. I feel like I did so much "pre-grieving" that when she died I was "prepared" for it so it didn't hit me as hard as when my father died unexpectedly 11 years ago. I was devastated when he died and was numb for at least 4 months.

We had her cremated. My siblings and I had a "gathering of friends" on Feb 18th. On April 15th, we are gathering at the cemetery for a short graveside service to bury her and then we're going to a local restaurant for a luncheon in her honor. I'm putting together some poetry and music for the graveside service. My mother loved going out to lunch so the luncheon truly is in her honor.

I feel at peace with her death. It was her time to go. She missed my father. I was with her when she died. There wasn't anything else I could do for her. No facility is perfect and she was getting the best care possible. I just hope that I won't be "hit" by her death later. I don't ever want to feel as badly as I did when my father died. It was HELL on earth.

Misfire, I'm so sorry to hear about your Mom. I'm glad you feel at peace. I'm sure that you will miss her in significant ways as the first year progresses (first Mother's Day, birthday, Christmas, etc), but hopefully that peace will keep you grounded and help you to weather all those "firsts".

I still miss my parents, but have come to peace with the hole in my life. Nobody and nothing (including time) will ever completely eradicate that hole and that aching, but it is what it is, and I'm learning to get on with life. But I'm especially mindful of the emptiness right now, as I'm over my head in planning our family reunion this summer. We've gathered together every year for over 20 years now. But we've all noticed that the joyful spirit of these reunions has been severely diminished, if not completely eradicated, since my Mom died. We're only doing it for the kids now.

But hopefully, we'll continue to find our way around that loss and rebuild that joy over time. Maybe when the kids start bringing THEIR kids and WE become the grandparents, we'll find a different spirit infusing the reunions again.

Thank you Eagleheart.
Tomorrow is my mother's birthday. She would've been 92. I feel weird saying this, but, I'm glad that we won't be celebrating it with her. She was unhappy and suffering. I don't feel relief about my mother's death and I don't feel sad. I just don't feel. As I said, I'm hoping that it doesn't "hit" me later but others have told me not to be surprised if it does. On April 11th, I'm joining a support group for "mid-life orphans." I'm sure that it will be helpful to me.

April is a tough "loaded" month for me. My older sister would've been 55 on April 11th; my father, 90, on April 14th; and April 26th will be the 11th anniversary of my father's death. Fortunately, my younger daughter will be 16 on April 28th so we do have something to celebrate this month.