I haven't posted in months --- I've been caring for my mother as she slowly died from old age (91) and congestive heart failure (Feb 12th).

She was living in a nursing home but I still feel like I "cared for her" because, as the oldest child, I was in charge of her care. Sigh! The weird thing is that I haven't cried for her. She'd been on hospice since Nov 30th. For the 6 months before her death, she'd been slowly withdrawing from life --- she was less and less communicative and she slept most of the time. I feel like I did so much "pre-grieving" that when she died I was "prepared" for it so it didn't hit me as hard as when my father died unexpectedly 11 years ago. I was devastated when he died and was numb for at least 4 months.

We had her cremated. My siblings and I had a "gathering of friends" on Feb 18th. On April 15th, we are gathering at the cemetery for a short graveside service to bury her and then we're going to a local restaurant for a luncheon in her honor. I'm putting together some poetry and music for the graveside service. My mother loved going out to lunch so the luncheon truly is in her honor.

I feel at peace with her death. It was her time to go. She missed my father. I was with her when she died. There wasn't anything else I could do for her. No facility is perfect and she was getting the best care possible. I just hope that I won't be "hit" by her death later. I don't ever want to feel as badly as I did when my father died. It was HELL on earth.