Monday it was 13 years since my mom died at age 54 on vacation in Las Vegas I had one of the hardest years this year my dad died needing a heart transplant in 2001, his hert came in a week after he died . I still wonder why . My mom's death was needless and my dad's was a week too early.. The year my mom died I also was going through a divorce and lost both grandmother's with in 6 months. My life tooka dramatic change and things have not been good since I blamed my self for both of my parents deaths and I have not gotten over either one . I still know that my life would have been different if mom had not died but we continue to live with it and wonder.
We all perceive it differently but the pain and lonliness is all the same.
I got out pictures Monday night and looked at a picture of my mother that was taken 2 days before she died . She was happy and having fun and I smiled.

Two days before my dad died my Dad was at a family reunion far away in Tennesee they both were doing what they loved to do right before they died.

It's interesting that The term orphan came up as that is waht I said to my brother at my dad's funeral.
The first book that I published was Anastasia Clark's "Greiving with Poetry" and I finally knew that other's felt as I did

One of the peoms that she wrote when her dad died shortly after her mother touched me and I would like to share it . (Incidently I would highly recommend this book for anyone who has lost a parent or both parents You will relate, cry laught and finally find comfort)

My Mother Beside You Now


My mother beside you now
In some revolting bed
Of dirt and weeds
And coffin sheets

The candles
Of the firefly
Now mourning
Disbelief

Together again
On some revolting bed
Of destiny
And bygone days

SHOVELED IN
By strangers now-
The hands
Of death
Gone hunting here

In the quiet house-
The house
We once
Called Home.

Anastasia Clark, "Greiving with Poetry- a journey to the soul