Donette, you suffered a lot of loss in such a short period of time...my heart aches at the thought of you being hit over and over again like that. And there's nothing like guilt, shame and regrets to make it almost impossible to get through that grief unscathed. I'm still healing from my own losses, made more difficult by regrets and guilt. But being here has helped me tremendously, especially to dare to talk with my Mom and ask her for her forgiveness...and in turn, to forgive her, because as much as she loved me, she did also hurt me a lot throughout my lifetime. It's an ongoing dialogue with her, but I'm feeling more serenity than before, so it would seem that there is healing taking place.

I don't know the circumstances that lead you to blame yourself for their deaths, but I hope you can find a way to forgive yourself, and them for dying too soon. My heart aches with you.

I'm so sorry, Donette, that you have experienced so much grief. I lost four family members in one year and it just started getting surreal.

My mother used this term, orphan, when my aunt passed last year. At the time, I didn't understand it. She was the last surviving member of her family and I felt that an orphan was one who had been without family but all of you have shown me the true meaning of it. Thank you.

And I am sorry for others greif too four family members in one year is unbearable I had three and more in the next year but it does get surreal and yu wait to see whose next , I know that feeling .. and thank you woho shared their condolences with me
here .

Another story

A friend of mine lost her father suddenly about two weeks after my mother died , she actually was closer to her father . When we were talking she said to me at least I didn't lose my HOME though, I learned to know what that met and it surprised that in her own grief that once the mother goes the family gatherings do to .. My dd could not do Christmas morning LOl it makews me smile just the thought of him trying .. I do think that kids even experience this a bit in divorce too especially time with their father changes .. It's not the dad's fault it is just the way it seems to be As my finace says Women are gatherers, mem are the hunters the way it was way back

Hi,
So sorry to hear about all your losses. One lady described it to me that she felt like she was in a fishbowl of grief.
When I lost my father and was having trouble getting through the grief it was suggested that I write letters to him and it felt good. I still cry when I read those letters. When my mother passed one of my friends told me I could join her in being an orphan. I miss them both still. Its been 3 years for mom and 12 with my father.
Maggie

Donette ... it is hard when you lose the home and all the family celebrations. My mom's been gone almost five years (although it doesn't seem like that long) and my stepdad a little over two. I was heartbroken at the thought of losing the house they lived in. Even though I didn't grow up there, we spent more than 20 years celebrating life in our extended family. We were so blessed when my sister and her husband were able to purchase it. You are right ... when we lose those so close to us, we really lose so much more ... the traditions and for me it was almost as devastating. But God, in His infinite love and grace, has given me a peace that's almost impossible to describe.

I pray for all who have lost so many family members and, along with them, the traditions. Yet, as long as our memory of them lives, they live within our hearts.

Blessings, Francine

writegirl, your post remined me of selling my parent's home. Even though they were still alive, we could no longer celebrate the way we once had as a family.

The older we get, the more we face loss of many kinds. I believe how we handle loss has a lot to do with our happiness as we grow older. We need to turn those losses around and look at them as new beginnings with different opportunities.

I share in wishing everyone strength in the midst of loss. It's all so fresh since suddenly losing my mother-in-law 10 days ago. I find peace in knowing she is finally at perfect peace and will be for all eternity. Her memories live on in all those whose lives she touched.

My father passed away when I was 9 over 25 years ago, the hardest moment for me was my wedding day, wow, I really needed a dad that day! My oldest brother walked me down the Isle.

I have often wondered what I would do without my mother. I was adopted at 15. She has been more than any orphan could ever hope to find. She is 75 this year. She is doing well, but I can't imagine life without her. Sometimes I think...God, could I really go on and live the rest of my life without calling my mother to find out what she thinks about things, or hear her laugh at my stupid jokes.

My heart goes out to you that have lost your mom or dad.

Hello to all you adult orphans -

May I join your group? I've been an adult orphan most of my adult life. Needless to say, its been a hard journey and often a lonely journey. I say these things not to elicit sympathy but to reach out to others in the same boat. Is there any interest in forming some kind of group, national or local, for people with no family, either through estrangement or death?

If anyone is interested in forming such a group please e-mail me at dparker708@Aol.com.

I am also editing an anthology on loss. If anyone out there is interested in contributing a piece please send it to the above address.

Thanks for reading this and I hope we can unite to form our own family.

Diane Parker

DParker, thanks for posting. If yo would like to write something up about froming a group I could post it in the next newsletter. Also, write up a call for submissions for the anthology and I'll put that in the newsletter too.

Do you have any local friends who might be willing to adopt you into their families for the holidays and special occasions.? Just a thought.

It sure seems that the older we get, the more of us there will be. I believe our gain lies in continuing to reach out and build more relationships.

I read an article about people who lived to be a hundred. They shared that their faith and the ability to carry on after loved ones died were their secrets to happiness in old age. They also mentioned how important it was to continue making new friends regardless of their age.

DParker, The thought of being an orphan at my advanced age is a new one I must admit. I like many people out there think of Orphans as little children. This is a complete new idea for me and yet it makes perfect sense. Thanks for introducing this topic and welcome to our family...