She's only 20..and she barely knows herself. Is she living at home or out on her own, holding down a job?

HOw many of us knew ourselves at the tender age of 20? The following year at 21 I fell into a deep depression because I was still resolving stuff with my parents. Sounds like your ex-'s daughter still needs to resolve abit of stuff. (Not necessarily involving you at all.)

Jeez, NewLeaf. I have no problem with big age gaps but both partners should have experienced some living after leaving the womb.

It would be diferent if the young woman was in my case 30 and the guy was 54. At least, she has had some years of life experience after flying mama's and papa's home.

I do have a strong opinion about this because my partner is 16 years older than I.

I firmly believe a woman first has got to get her career / job experience first preferably finish at higher level of education beyond high school since alot of jobs these days require more than high school. She should have also dated and travelled before she enters into such a relationship.

It helps enormously that the woman has demonstrated financial independence and has carved her own distinct identity as woman in how she relates to her family, friends, work colleagues and community.

THEN, she enter into such a relationship with more wide open eyes. She at first, must become a strong person in her own right.

I will say NewLeaf, that I did fall for my partner...but I kept my home, which I bought the year before I met him and lived in it for the next 14 years. I paid off the mortgage. I didn't move in to share a home with my partner. Nor did I have romantic visions I was going to help raise his children. My determination to understand MYSELF was important....and I could have only done it, if I had my own space.

Of course we spent alot of time at each other's homes.

Hope that your ex's daughter becomes strong in understanding herself and becoming to know the best skills she can use ....does know her own gifts/skills/talents at 20?

She is one of the most mixed up kids I've ever known. I had nothing to do with that one though. She is starved for real affection and self respect.

Good point 0rchid about a woman trulie knowing herself, getting financial indipendences, a carrier etc.

I just wonderring weather this is the onlie way, some woman don't want or have the oppertunitie for a carrier their mabe shop girles or whatever (do disrespect to shop girles) then their oppertunities for promosion etc is limited. I just hinking that apart from the one way that you exemplified that theirs also manie more was or manie more pathes. For this young ladie one of her paths could be to spend a little or a lot of time with this older man....Even if some of what she may be getting is re-parenting from this older man....if theirs respect and tenderness then thats a good start or even just a good time for a short while.

I went out with- dated a older person when i was kinda young and it did me nuthing but good, in short it was a positive experinces even if it didn't last for forever (if their is such a thing)

lets see how it turnes out, it might be a great surprise and one the young ladie shouldn't miss out on according to her path in life

Carrier...clue me in about how you are using this word?

If a young woman could benefit from reparenting, better she get it from a platonic relationship.

If already, NewLeaf can sense the girl's need for affection and self-respect...

Celtic, you grew from that relationship. You were lucky.

One of my sisters had a close female friend same age as her, where when they were in high school, her friend fell for a 35 year old married man with children. She was only 19 yrs. old, for Pete's sake. He was not divorced from his wife.

He returned to his wife. She was one of these intelligent, but geekish girls.

Happenend to another girl in my high school class. she too fell for an older man, in his 40's. She was 18 yrs. Not sure what happened afterwards. She too was highly brainy, not considered attractive and geeky.

The reaction of the girls in class..was frankly, disgust. I think we all sensed...just abit unhealthy, when one is still a teenager.

20 yrs. old is barely beyond teenager.

Can I give you another scenario....I know of 17 yr. old boy who met a woman, who was 25. This is via the Internet.

He spent a few months with her in Canada. He came from Tennessee. I did meet the boy, intelligent but really he was so green. Never lived away from home. He never realized how hard it was to convince employers to get him a work visa...especially when he literally had no work experience.

She got accidentally pregnant. She miscarried.

The 2 people just have an Internet friendship now. She has learned her lesson ...by an extremely hard way.

The reverse, a much younger man for a woman old enough to be her mother...well, hopefully the guy has dated, lived on his own, and is not looking for a Momma/rich purse.

OK, how about another twist on "singlehood?"

Just as a quick update, the young guy and I have become close friends. He finally understood that I could not commit to anything, that things have to go "day by day." Not that I don't still love him to death, but this is a sticky issue.

Now for the "new" question. I have been asked out by a man I work with (a little older than me, much more appropriate for my circumstances). He has recently broken up with someone and said he'd had to wait to be totally out of that relationship before dating again.

Do any of you date multiple people at the same time, and if yes, how do you handle it? I know that dating is not the same thing as commitment or marriage, but it still seems like it could be a delicate issue.

Just wondering.

Whirlwind

Orchid, I believe that Celtic meant career.

Dating multiple men. I don't anymore, in a committed relationship, but I have. And, as long as you are honest about it, it can be great. Caller id helps, too.

I don't know about other relationships, but the much younger guy with me has an 8 yr. old daughter and has been in a few relationships. From what I've experienced personally he lost his twin brother and has had some other life experiences. He's not green and he couldn't be looking for money because I don't have any and he knows it. He's not niave and in many respects is much more mature than I am.

I just admire the heck out of him because he is very down to earth and real. I hope we can be together as long as possible. When 3 out of 5 marriages ends in divorce and life is so short anyway, why not enjoy the company of a special person for however long you are fortunate enough to have them in your life?

I asked a very nice looking man 31 yrs. old why he was attracted to and preferred older women...much older women, than himself. This was his reply. I thought it was a very wonderful compliment to we seasoned and sexy females.


The allure of a woman older than me...
--She's sensual
--She's lighthearted
--She's passionate about something
--She has a zest for life
--She thinks foreplay is underrated
--She's open minded
--She has a personality
--She loves her taste on my lips
--She's comfortable in her skin
--She's adventurous
--She tries most everything once
--She's proportionate
--She's clean
--She's yummy on the eyes and yummy to the taste
--She's aggressive, passive, rough, and soft
--She's not afraid to express herself
--She knows that being friends outside the bedroom makes for things better inside the bedroom
--She's cultured to some extent
--She has lots of stories and experiences to share
--She can laugh at herself
--She is not consumed with work
--She respects the time I want to spend with my friends
--She's active outside the home

And...she'll never tell you she wants to have your baby