Eagle, I just have to commend you on your incredible insight. I read your posts and think each time what a wise and warm- hearted woman you are. Thank you for being you, and I too am happy to read that you are planting flowers and finding joy in your garden.

Humlun, stand up to your own personality. I just learned that recently myself. Shoulders back, chin up and accept what you want and what you are...don't force yourself to be anything else, if you do, then you aren't you anymore.

Thank you for turning my world around..helping me see it and myself from another perspective. I need this reminder now and again..especially when I get too "heavy". My closest friends and family often give me a push in the right direction when I need it.. but, of course, they don´t always "see"..why should they? So, do you have the same problem? And how do you remind yourself that now again you may be going down the wrong road..guilt road..i am not good enough road.. etc... I would like to be able to "see" for myself mora than I do.

And another question.. do you really think that you can ever totally work your way thru all the grief you have inside? I think that some grief that life hits you with will never heal, with scar tissue, totally..maybe it will heal pretty well..but not totally. I am talking the loss of a dear one like your mom or brother or my daughter, but also experiences like perhaps incest or abuse. I have experienced incest thru my father. I think I have come a long way in my "sorrows"..but they do bleed now and again..and the wound can be very deep again.. then it kind of heals up again and life goes on..so do I. Each time the wound opens in a different way and my healing process is thus also different..but the process DOES go on during one´s whole life. Or what do you think? And I think it´s ok that it´s a process..a backpack, so to speak, that we carry. Sometimes it is lighter and sometimes it´s heavier.

I am rambling a bit..I can see this and I`ve made a few typing errors..but I am going to leave it as is..I am not sure that I like the backpack idea either..but I am throwing it out there and asking what you and anyone that reads this mail, thinks.

Thank you so much, Eagle Heart. Since you "have been there", you know how sincere I am.

Hannelore!!! You´re a doll!!!! THANKS for being there!!! I am learning to lift my chin and put my shoulders back... not that easy, actually, now that I think of it..hmm..better not think too much..but it´s not that easy at all... but I am going to go on trying.. you have found a way, it seems..and I suppose I have too at times..

You really are the sunshine on a cloudy day!!!!!! THANK YOU!!!

Just a thought... I like to think of us sending out vibrations or rings (like in a pond) around us.. you have helped me alot with your thoughts..and I will be sending out more positive vibrations to those around me here in Sweden (!) because you and I reached out.. more rambling..but I think you understand...

I do understand, Humlan. And I myself do ponder if some of these griefs will ever truly heal. I was never sexually abused, but I strongly suspect that the healing from such an horrendous wounding is ongoing, ever-evolving and may well never be completely healed - BUT, I also believe that we can turn that horrendous wound around (eventually) to become wounded healers to others who struggle through that healing process. Just look at our own Lynn Tolson...she hasn't been able to be here for awhile, but she suffered terrible abuse as a child, and is now such a radiant light in our lives and in the lives of so many other abused women. So it IS possible to radiate light and healing out of that intense, unhealable pain so deep within us. I think it's not something you actively look for (being a wounded healer), I think it's a case of "when it's time, the people will come to you and you'll just know why".

I think the key to getting ourselves through these healing processes is to be kind, compassionate, patient and understanding of our wounded selves - radiate positive vibes, energy and understanding deep into your own soul and spirit and be kind and generous with your compassion for that self - she really is your best friend and well worth loving back to life...

Eagle heart, I would like to buy your book, but am having trouble getting my payment thru with my masters card. I use this card over the net now and again and it always works. Can you help me? Can I find your book in Adlibris, which is also an IT bookstore that does deliveries here in Sweden? I could get it that way, then...we don´t use money orders or cheques here in Sweden anymore...

Thanks for your help. I would so much like to get a hold of your book...and have you sign it personally..if possible. Thank you so much for your help.

And thank you for your answer! I think that I am getting it..even if I am aware that my behavioural pattern
is quite imprinted inside myself and I don´t always SEE when I am making myself "invisible" or "little" by my use of guilt. I am a born and raised Catholic and that mind set is more deep rooted than I know myself. I don´t always recognize the signs..

Thank you and I hope that you can help me with your book..

Boy, Casey, that's a huge thing to 'get'... that Dear X, I don't need your help today." I think that is one of those things that finally spoke to me when I realized that I was trying to run alongside people and help them with their lives..... SOOOOOOOO not my business. Finally I heard God ask me one day, just who taught me MY lessons and I thought about it and it was Him, and then He asked me why I would think that I should run around teaching everyone else. And my respons..."well, because you did such a good job God!?... well that response just wasn't bought.

In answer or in input to Humlan.... sometimes the grief process is very healing in and of itself. I'm a FIRM believer that we learn so much about ourselves in these kinds of painful situations, when others step in it distracts us. Be kind, be caring and supportive, and be seperate.

Kate

I truely believe there are some things we cannot "get over" but the fact others who too have suffered acknowledge our pain is of help in living.
What we can do is live the best we can and thrive.
Mountain ash

humlan, Eagle is away. I'm sure she'll respond when she's back home and in front of her own computer.

Humlan, I`m still in Quebec City, using my sister-in-law`s computer for five minutes to check email, and won`t have access again until I get home on Saturday or Sunday. I`ll contact you then about the book.

In the meantime, I`m more convinced than ever that every painful thing that we go through is meant to both help us grow and then to help others get through their pain as well...we`re meant to help each other along the way. I just found out a few minutes ago that something I said to someone a few years ago saved his life...I didn`t know that, and it wasn`t my intention at the time to save anyone`s life. We didn`t even speak the same language - he spoke French, I spoke English, but somehow, something I said (and I do remember what it was) clicked in his mind in such a way that it forever changed his life.

That kind of thing is no accident. It was no accident that we were in the same place at the exact time that he needed whatever it was he needed to hear at that moment. We`re meant to share our pain and grief with others, so that either they can help us through or we can help them through...we were not created to be islands, suffering alone or keeping our wisdom to ourselves...we were created to need one another and to need the unique blend of gifts that each person in our life at any given moment can bring to help us along our journey (and never underestimate the power of OUR hard-won wisdom - others need OUR gifts and wisdom for THEIR journey too!)

The other thing that I`m absolutely sure about is that we MUST be compassionate with ourselves, and that being kind, loving and compassionate with ourselves is one (and just one of many) of the critical keys to getting safely and wisely through these rough patches of our journey.

My five minutes is up - see you again on the weekend. Be gentle with you!