My book that I might have mentioned a few times when Dotsie wasn't doing it for me is partly dedicated to my maternal grandmother, an Irish spitfire.

I spent three years of my life living with her (in Palm Springs, not exactly a hardship) and caring for her as she slowly declined. She had an independent fiery spirit. Unfortunately Hospice confirmed in March before her death what we suspected for years: she had end-stage dementia (hypothryoid, osteoporosis, arthritis too).

She and my grandfather (who died in 1998) were married for nearly 60 years. High school sweethearts. He was her world. She wanted so badly to join him and finally she did, dying in her own home in her own bed (well, a hospital bed, but in her bedroom). Thank God, We were given the choice to admit this woman, who up until the last 6 months of her life hadn't seen a doctor in 30 years, to the hospital and we refused. Not only would she hate it, but we would hate doing it to her. Luckily we are a close family and rallied around her. my mother and I were the chief forces in her life and luckily being a writer I could stay home and be with her. It grew unbearable at times. It could also be wonderful--she was quite a character and my friends just loved her, but they knew what I was going through. I had a supportive community and two great therapists as well as an aging parent support group for a couple of weeks. I did a lot of writing and journaling. I also have conceived of a documentary or script about granchildren caring for grandparents since the topic is rarely addressed. I asked online for others to share their experiences for a possible article and they responded in droves. I'm planning to do something great with all this experience but it's not even been a year since she died and in many respects it's too fresh. I also got delayed in my healing through a romance that I thought was going to help at the time but ended up being nine months of mostly hell. If I hadn't had the experience of caring for my grandmother I don't think I would have had the strength to get rid of the abuse, actually to add insult to injury the jerk broke up with me over e-mail. Which completely evaporated any guilt I might foolishly have felt.

I don't feel any guilt over what I did or didn't do for my grandmother. I gave back all the love and care and financial support she and my grandfather (who believed in education since they never finished their college degrees) lavished on us kids, or tried to give back. My family and friends have told me many times what a service I did for them, that they couldn't have paid anyone to do the things I did. I'm now rebuilding myself and dealing with some other issues (I'm hypothyroid too) that I avoided while living with her. Luckily I have a goregous place to live, terrific friends, a career, and I'm pretty blessed.

Are there any other grandchildren caregivers on this board? Any women whose kids stepped up to the plate? You hear plenty about grandparents carign for grandkids but nothing about the reverse. I'd like to find out how widespread this is. Who knows maybe we could get a supprot group going.