Hi Gerri... i know it takes a lot to be 'a friend' and it's not for everybody. I just know that you have to do what you feel in your gut. I had to do what I felt like God would have "ME" do, not other people would suggest, because, of course, they're not me. And my husband was never abusive, never unkind or anything like that but he was unreliable, irresponsible with his time, his money, and his health, so in a way, there was probably some mental abuse, but the brunt of it hit him because ultimately he was the one who had to fix it. And the only way that can happen is when you turn away from whatever 'that thing' is. And I don't know if you're familiar with Al Anon or not but it's a pretty good program... it helps you not lose yourself in the mess of things and helps you keep one foot on the ground. Ultimately he is responsible for repairing whatever damage there is or has been done but that doesn't mean you just have to sit there and wait for the next shoe to drop.

I'm very active and do a lot of things.... work at a newspaper, take classes a couple of times a week, paint, work with clay and have four almost totally grown children so it was pretty easy to detract my focus from my husband when things were crappy.

This is a totally random thing but when my husband was at his worst, our daughter's best friend gave him a puppy. We loved German Shephards and Christie's dog had a litter and she was selling them. HER father had some drinking and other issues and when he had gotten a dog it helped him take the focus off of himself and he learned to care for something. Anyway, she had my daughter pick out a puppy to bring to her dad......my husband LOVES that dog, loves her! We all do, but it helped him. Sometimes when they can't talk to us, either the dog OR the husband, they can talk to each other and it makes it easier.

That was just a little fyi. Good to have you here. It's a nice place and the people are great!

Kate