and with Tom Selleck, what's not to like? OMG...I adore that man.

Girl, start your journal TODAY on your Mom even if she doesn't have it. It's a win-win situation. Journals are fun to read later, but more importantly, if she DOES have any kind of dementia, record keeping becomes invaluable. You truly believe you will remember every detail but you will not! trust me. We kept a daily journal on Daddy and my only regret is that I wish we had started it at the very, very, first signs of anything amiss. Use our experience as a learning tool. Follow our lead. Because when it comes to AZ or any other kind of dementia, everyone is different, responds differently and there are no set patterns. So, knowledge beforehand is crucial to the well being and quality of life for your love one.

You don't even want to get me started on this subject. I never know when to shut up.

JJ

There is a new drug out for Alzheimers that has been around in other countries but has only recently been okayed here in the states. I can not remember what it is, but I think it came from Australia...don't quote me on that. When I heard how good it was I cried because my mom was already gone and it hurt to think there may have been something that could have helped her but was too little too late, sigh.
I have had both my mom and my mother-in-law stay with me. At one point they were both here...that was interesting. My mother couldn't remember who my mom-in-law (whose name is Margie) was and kept calling her "Louise" and wanted to know why Louise was at my house. I had to make sure I did things "even Steven" because they watched me like a hawk to make sure I didn't play favorites...it was pretty funny. One night my mother (who had gone to bed...I couldn't go to bed until I knew she was sound asleep what with her Alzheimers and all) peaked her cute little bright eyed face around the door of my office and I said, "Hi Mom" and thought she had gone back to bed. Then I realized my mother-in-law was snoring an awful lot louder. I jumped up and there was my mother leaning over my mother-in-law looking in her sleeping face. I grabbed Mom and pulled her out of the room and Mom was saying "What is Louise doing in that bed." Needless to say my mother-in-law started locking her door at night!!!! One day I had a friend come over and we were sitting on the sofa talking and laughing and my moms were sitting in chairs across from us watching us like we were television. It was the wierdest and funniest thing. I guess we were good entertainment.

One thing to make sure you of is that you get time away for yourself and that you take good care of yourself, especially with Alzheimers patients. You get so sleep deprived and worn down. I beat myself up for a while because I didn't do things as well as I felt I should have, and then I read some booklets on caregiving and realized I was just normal and not horrible. (I lost my temper with my mom about three times and yelled at her...massive sleep deprivation) At that point I realized I had to start hiring people to take her places so I could have a break in my own home and also have them watch her here so that I could get away. Merwyn worked a distance away and would be gone for four days at a time if he didn't do overtime. It got so he couldn't do overtime because I would slide down that slippery slope to depression. I needed him so desperately during that time. My mother behaved so much better when Merwyn was home because he could be more upbeat than I could and joke with her and tease her. I couldn't. I had lost my mom and couldn't communicate with her like we always had and she wasn't always sure who I was (sometimes I was her mom and sometimes I was her sister, Doris). Boy, I have just gone on and on. I better stop now.

If your parents are in good enough health and you can afford to do it, you could add onto your house and do a granny flat. We were going to do that for my mother-in-law but she had a stroke and had to be placed in a nursing home.

We have friends who did an addition. They didn't do a bonafide granny flat because here in Winters if you put a stove in it adds $13,000.00 to the permit. So, they did a living area with a wet bar/microwave, a bedroom and a bath so that their parents could have some privacy and get away on their own.

What a hear-warming story and a heart breaker, too! It is my prayer that should mom become this disoriented, that I have the skills and strength to take care of her. She has always been a woman who has taken care of others and is hesitant on taking help from others.

Over the last couple of years I have seen a difference in her--unable to remember, forgetful...She tries to hide it but the symptoms are there.

I will keep in mind what you said about taking time for myself; for I have a strong tendency to handle all problems by myself. I am; however, blest with a husband who watches over me like a hawk to make sure I don't overdo. He will be of great comfort, I'm sure.

Again, thank you so much for the info and I stand amazed at what you went through! Thank you so much for sharing your story; you showed that even with something as serious as Alzheimer's, there is humor and grace, too.

Thank you so much, Toni.

It has actually been the most difficult two years of my life, but not just because of my mother's illness and death.

If you and your siblings grew up in a dysfunctional home (we took the fun out of dysfunctional), an ill parent brings out the worst in all of you. I have 3 living brothers who are not good at dealing with their emotions and it turned ugly, especially since I was chosen by mom to be the executor of her estate. I was accused by one sibling of stealing $6000 and then $10,000 and now it is up to $17,000. Shoot by the time he is finished I will be a millionaire! I learned a lesson for myself and what to prepare MY children for and how not to handle my assets!!

If you can catch your mom early enough you can slow the process of AD. My mother had alzheimers for several years before we did anything about it. She lived some distance away and so we weren't too aware of it. She would hide it from us. They hide it because they don't understand what is happening to them. I can remember Mom telling me "something is wrong with my head". But, this was after she came to stay with us. I am sure all of those who have gone through the experience of having a parent with dementia have plenty of stories to tell and advise/warnings to give.

Oh one more thing. My mother could not tolerate the medications designed to slow the advance of AD. When she first came to stay with me she would not eat, get dressed, get out of bed or anything. She just curled up into a little ball and wouldn't move. I thought she was dying and was terrified. Turns out the medication was making her stomach hurt. Once I figured out what it was I took her off the meds and she had a marked improvement. When an elderly parent takes meds, it is important to keep a close eye on how the meds affect them, especially those with dementia. Although sleeping pills will help them to sleep, they can also cause problems for AD patients so you have to be careful. Any drastic changes in a parent's behavior? Check to see if they have started any new meds.

if you want to read more about the new drug, you can go here:

http://www.alzca.org/

JJ

Wow Lala, JJ and others the stories are so similar and yet so different.
One of the agencies here who has wonderful caregivers is Faith in Action. Most of them have been through similar circumstances and are there for you. The training is like Hospice. In fact our Volunteer Hospice coodinator here began the Faith in Action program and is now there volunteer coordinator. They do have Faith in Action programs all over the US. I am sure there are other programs out there too.
Maggie

Maggie,

Thank you for the ino on Faith in Action programs. Will check the web to see where they are located....

Wow!!

Thank you, Maggie, JJ, Lapaloosa, everyone! What great and helpful information. I no longer feel alone!

What comfort and joy the ladies of this site are!
God Bless you all....

The Journal idea is wonderful--what a great way to record how mom is doing....

When that time comes and it most likely will, I will be ready...Many thanks.....

Toni, whenever anyone comes for a prolonged visit in our homes we need to set boundaries from the get-go.

You and your husband may want to consider what those boundaries may be.

An example would be that she may only make doctor appts. on certain days, or that you would make them for her if they will invovle you and your husband transporting her. Lots to think about...

Dotsie,

Good points about having 'boundaries.' I know that when I was a child, boundaries were set for me and that made me feel safe and loved.

I don't see too many problems because they know we're organized and caring people. My husband, Roy, also is supportive and caring of me and my folks. That will be a great help....

Thank you for the word, boundaries. Very helpful and timely....