Dotsie, You are so right. Loneliness is a horrible wound to our world. Sometimes I think it may be a fatal wound.
I agree that the next generation may endure it to an even greater degree partially as a result of technology. Or maybe we have become so separated from ourselves and distrustful of others that we can no longer experience intimacy through human contact and must have miles of technology to separate us. Gee, what a sad thought.

I would love to reach out to those who are lonely. but I don't always do it. I have several friends who are widows in their 70's and 80's who seem so very lonely. I call as often as I can and take them places and generally try to keep in contact, but I'm sure they are still lonely often. They are all mothers of very successful children who are now adults which frightens me for my own children. We are still very close at this time, but there may be a day when they are far too busy to visit and call. Gee, I hope not.

I posted on here about loneliness a while back and I mentioned that I had tried to research it. I found almost nothing in the medical library and when I did a google search for "Loneliness," I came up with almost nothing except porn sites. It concerned me that porn is the only answer we have for loneliness. Is that all we can do as a society? And are those sites a comfort?

I wonder if they are the greatest risk the lonely can take. Maybe it's the anonymity that attracts them or maybe the desire just to 'feel' something.
I can see why the lonely don't reach out. It is as if loneliness is contagious and will infect anyone touched by a lonely person. And being lonely does not seem to offer any immunity. If anything, it seems to lessen the immunity.

I am concerned, but I too have no answers. However, I will call a lonely friend right now. Thanks for the reminder.
smile

I reach out to people older than myself that can't drive anymore or are otherwise confined to their homes. I have 2 neighbors that I take food to everyday from my own recipes, some I've posted. They love the food but I hang around awhile and chit chat with them and try to make them laugh. They both know about Sammie and always ask what has she done now? I use to take them for rides BUT I found out that if one got injured their relatives could sue me personally so that stopped. I still visit the Nursing home monthly and they are still painting by numbers and their art gallery was featured in the local senior paper awhile back. I also take Rosee in to see the nursing home people they adore this little dog and she them. Reeta, the snot, is too feisty and I don't trust her not to nip. For Thanksgiving and probably Christmas at my sons house he'll pick up 2 residents for dinner with us, kind of like honorary grandparents. It feels good to give something of ones self...try it!

Hello all,

Thanks for the welcome.

If you want to know more about me, check-out the Welcome Forum for probably more than you need to know.

Misfire, I was there and responded. Welcome again.

Agate, you are doing everything right for your mom. What a blessing you are! You should be an advocate for the elderly. Had it not been for you she could still be bedridden. Chatty's comment is right on!

I'm reading this post over and over. Why? Well, I think we are talking about two different things which BOTH fall into the "lonely" category.

1) The elderly
2) The lonely (not necessarily the elderly)

I'm with SMILES and everyone else, in that these post break my heart and at the same time, make me stop and think about my own situation. I love my children and they shower me with love as well...but WILL there come a time when they are too busy? When you put yourself in the place of the elderly ALREADY in that situation, it becomes sooo REAL and so sad. Does it not? It makes me want to become more like Chatty (bless you dear woman) and do my part.

I'm going to give this more thought. I've already entertained thoughts of having Trixie trained formally to visit nursing homes and VA homes. I actually already take her, but she does need some behavior training.

But I could be doing so much more. Like taking one day a month and visiting ANY nursing home and VA home and just LISTENING to someone who needs a visit.

On the other one...it's more complicated. I think SMILES has hit on something there though. I just never thought about it. It's too bad there aren't web sites where lonely people could go visit and be given comfort.

But when I think more about it, I realize sadly that there are sooo many legal concerns here, as well as the WEIRDO factor. Any suggestions?

These are just my initial thoughts on everything but I'm sure you all could come up with some great ideas to help the L&L? (lonely and lost?)

JJ

One of the main reasons I think older people are lonely is that they have been abandoned because they are unattractive. I have several friends who love serving children and teens and though young people need our attention too, they are usually less lonely simply because they are CUTE. It is such a joy just to be near the young.
Older people, though, are not cute. In fact, they can be downright unattractive. They have thinning grey hair and wrinkles and they move without grace. Their speech is often impaired and sometimes they drool and many are incontinent. Very often they are embittered not only by the pain in their bodies, but by the pain in their spirit from loneliness. And if asked, I think all would agree that loneliness is the greatest pain of all.

Many of these people who have given so much are so profoundly lonely because they have been abandoned by the very people they have served all their lives. Their abandonment is a stain on our generation.

I have been negligent in visiting the nursing homes recently, but as a result of posting, I'm getting back on track. Thanks for the reminder.
smile

[ April 07, 2005, 01:12 AM: Message edited by: Nancy50 ]

Oh Smilinize isn't that a sad and sickening description of what most people think of the elderly. I agree to most they are not part of the beautiful people society but I have to tell you that when one of these narly, wet pants, drooling oldsters hears a "sincere" voice and see's a real smile aimed at them, the look in their nearly dead eyes, brightens and they smile like a cautious child seeing Santa for the first time. I fall asleep some nights remembering those weak smiles and the way they feebly squeeze my hand holding theirs. If I were a wealthy person I would hire people to do just that, find the scraggliest person they could and make them feel loved. I am only one person and can only do so much and am NOT wealthy but now my son and his son go after church each Sunday and feed the poor. Also Jason goes with me sometime to visit the Nursing home and said one day a month ago that these old people reminded him of E.T. and you know Grandma, E.T. was magical and I bet they are too...He's 13 and a big boy and is so gentle with them. If everyone just spent a few hours a week with one of those that no one visits what a difference we could make....stepping off my soapbox now!

Chatty, stay on your soap box. I need it. Directly behind me sits a home for the elderly. When the kids were little we strolled them in frontof the home most nights in good weather. Our son who is 19 would sing his latest rendition of any new song he learned: Twinkle, Twinkle, Jesus Loves Me, whatever. It was a ministry and we didn't even realize it.

I somehow need to revisit that. Thanks for the reminder.

Smile, we are getting closer to that age where we may be the ones in those high chairs and wheel chairs with drool on our chins. That alone should shake us into doing something!

I've done lots of visiting the elderly through my church in the past. For whatever reason I've stopped. It's time to get back to it.

I recall visiting a lovely woman of faith who had been involved in every way imaginable for years at our church. Even though I was the one who was supposedly ministering to her, I never left without feeling blessed and uplifted. She was so wise and gracious. Give and receive!

Thisle, I would love to talk with you 1 on 1. Dotsie can give you my email or phone number. Your mother-in-law sounds like she could be my mother's twin. My mother is in assisted living (al) an hour from me. She too needs constant entertaining. She has no hobbies and now she has trouble moving around, and can no longer drive. My father died in April and her companion of 54 years is gone. She used to play bridge but doesn't do that any longer. She had a stoke in her eye that left her basicly blind in the R eye, but she sees well out of the L. She doesn't read, only the obits and not even that every day. She doesn't like listening to music or watching tv. She actually hates tv, and rarely enjoys a movie, tho she has a DVD player. She is a problem. She does get to eat with friends every thurs. dinner, but there leaves the rest of the week. A friend is taking her to church on Sundays, but she isn't able to do anything else at church, she's on a walker and has alzheimers. Unfortunately her family isn't near. I am 1 hour away and my brother is in HI. Her grandchildren, 2 are in college (NC) and 1 is in high school here in Baltimore. I try to see her at least every 10 days. We talk daily. But, that is never enough. I am at a loss for what to do. The AL has activities every day. She won't go because "every one just sleeps". But, she sleeps too and doesn't realize she is. If anyone has suggestions, please let me know.