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#11668 - 07/12/04 11:27 AM Re: boundaries
Toni Member Registered: 12/11/03 Posts: 504 Loc: Pennsylvania	When this situation arises, I set boundaries according to the needs requested and the time and energy I have available. I find that if I first make time for myself--rest and solace from God, then I'm better prepared to meet the needs of the day--especially when confronted with the immediate needs of others. I also tell the person or persons who needs help what I can do for them. I also relate to them what I cannot do and give them references for the help they require.
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#11669 - 07/12/04 07:56 PM Re: boundaries
Dotsie Founder Registered: 07/09/08 Posts: 23647 Loc: Maryland	Thistle, are you and your husband still communicating honestly about this? I think being an in-law in this situation probably compounds the emotions. At least it would for me. What are your husband's thoughts at this point in time? I'm praying for ya girl!
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#11670 - 07/12/04 11:51 PM Re: boundaries
chatty lady Writer Registered: 02/24/04 Posts: 20267 Loc: Nevada	Somehow it doesn't seem fair that you the daughter-in-law have all the responsibility. Whats the matter with the daughter? Are there any other relatives? I took in my sister in 1990 and she lived with me for 5 years until sshe died. She had MS and developed dimentia the last 2 years. It was a nightmare and I like you, sometimes screamed at her and I cry at night to this day about not being nicer and more patient when she would empty her diapers into the drawers, the heating vents etc. It was as if she were gone and this entity took her place. I feel for you and hope you can find some help. I nearly lost my mind. Its so hard to be what you want to be to these people. I will pray for you and hope you find relief soon.
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#11671 - 12/17/04 11:23 PM Re: boundaries
Kristin Member Registered: 11/27/04 Posts: 37	quote: Originally posted by Thistle Cove Farm: I have absolutely NO clue but I'd like to know. As I've said before, my 91 year old mother in law lives with us and it's difficult. Very, very difficult. Not for her especially, but for Dave and I. She'll do these TOTALLY OUTRAGEOUS things and 30 seconds later forget and then wonder why we're upset with her. How do you get someone to use enough toilet paper? (no, it's NOT enough that you take one square, rip it in half and then use half and save half) How do you get someone to wash their hands? (you just wiped yourself and you HAVE to wash your hands!) How do you get someone to bath...even twice a week? How do you get someone to change their clothes even 2 or 3 times a week? How do you get someone to stop, cease and quit hanging their underwear all over their bed posts, chair arms, etc.? (They were wet and needed to dry...the reason they were wet is because you peed yourself because you didn't feel like getting out of bed or the chair and get to the bathroom...) How do you get someone to stop telling OUTRAGEOUS lies? (this woman will just make up stuff about people..."I heard she got a better job than her husband and now they are having problems" this said about someone she doesn't even know!) I'm going crazy; wanna come along? I gotta warn you though...it's a short trip. I hear you girl! I went through some pretty outrageous stuff with my grandmother. The last year or so, she wore the same stained clothes for days even sleeping in them and she'd sleep with the lights on and then she couldn't sleep and in the middle of the day she'd be sitting in her chair in her nightgown or slept-in-clothes sleeping with the TV on. She wouldn't bathe or wear ANY shoes except these chewed-up dress black shoes and mismatched sandals. She got possessive of me especially hating it when I went anywhere at night and doubly so with my mother. I had to LIE about where I was going and how long I'd be. She really didn't know the passage of time. I set boundaries even though I felt guilty. It was either that or go insane.
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#11672 - 12/17/04 11:26 PM Re: boundaries
Kristin Member Registered: 11/27/04 Posts: 37	quote: Originally posted by Thistle Cove Farm: Thanks Maggie, but I'm not sure I'm doing a great job. Some days I scream at her. Other days I ignore her. Most days I'm very pleasant to her. Each day is a new day for me to learn lessons I completely and totally fail at learning. Right now, she's in bed, in the same clothes she's worn for the last 4 days. We've been having record heat, up in the 90's. Need I go into details? Not to me! See my above post. I hear you. I'm sorry that she fails to appreciate you. That's even worse than totally clinging and saying "you're all I have in the world." Or alternating between the two. and whatever is wrong with her daughter? Is the mom just an unpleasant woman to begin with?
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#11673 - 12/18/04 01:19 PM Re: boundaries
Dotsie Founder Registered: 07/09/08 Posts: 23647 Loc: Maryland	Kristin, isn't this one of the topics you're considering for your next book?
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#11674 - 12/19/04 03:31 AM Re: boundaries
Dianne Queen of Shoes Registered: 05/24/04 Posts: 6123 Loc: Arizona	Maybe you could have your husband take "verbal control." Have him tell his mother, go take a bath. Maybe she'd listen to him more than you? I don't know how you're doing this. I'd be a screaming idiot! I just don't have the personality for it. If she forgets things, maybe you don't have to do her gift shopping for her. Maybe she'd forget that you didn't do it. Or, the people she buys gifts for need to be told, no more. Buy yourself something because I just can't do it anymore. I am REALLY sorry that you are going through this. Speaking of parents, my dad is home from the hospital and his quadruuple bypass. Up and moving around but seems so confused about his stay in the hospital. Said it seemed like a long dream. Maybe that's for the best. But, he was irritated with my mother. I quickly changed the subject! Don't take me there...please!!!!
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#11675 - 12/20/04 06:53 PM Re: boundaries
Kristin Member Registered: 11/27/04 Posts: 37	quote: Originally posted by Dotsie: Kristin, isn't this one of the topics you're considering for your next book? Absolutely! Or screenplay or whatever...I think screenplay because it's harder and harder to get books published.
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