Hannalore, I don't know your whole situation, but it sounds like you made the right decision. When we are in a prison (whether created by ourselves or someone else) and then break free, it's as though the weight of the world has been lifted. I'm happy for you!

Hannelore,
Sounds to me like he is getting what he deserves. He sure doesn't deserve you. He wants you to apologize for leaving him? He doesn't seem to get it, does he? Let him enjoy his own miserable company. You enjoy your new found freedom. We're all here for you.

Hannelore,
We're behind you 100% whatever you do. Only you know what's best for you. Hang in there. (((HUGS)))
Laurel

My dear dear friends. You were all in my thoughts last night before I fell asleep.

Chick, this is so funny, because last night "He" called and said exactly what your husband had said, "if you don't come home tonight don't ever come home". Then he called two more times during the wee morning to tell me how much he loves and misses me. Your post was like a wise warning, and I need the encouragement. I really do. He knows how to work on my sympathy strings. How can I stay strong? Is there any secret formula?

That's what I think it all amounts to; no matter what the reason, if you are miserable, you are just plain miserable. And this misery seems to snowball. Things that have never bothered me before, bother the heck out of me now. The fact that he constantly interupts me when I talk, putting me down infront of others, his scraggly moustache that hurts when he kisses me, (but still refuses to shave it off), his pesimistic attitude, always seeing the glass half empty than full...blah blah... I feel like a damn has opened and it's coming all out.

And the biggest joke is; I had written an essay about him for a Valentine's contest and won! Ha ha..now if that isn't hypocritical. Oh well.

Yes dear Chatty, I entrusted you my problems from the start, and thanks to you, you reopened my eyes to all his good qualities. Maybe he isn't a porno freak, or he is loyal husband and a good dad, but he still makes me cry way too often.

Kate, It helps me to hear how you ladies have mastered your situations. Thank you for asking me to keep posting on this. I don't want to bore anyone with my problems. So it is good to know that you are genuininly interested.

Mountain Ash, Those few words, "keep the brave heart", will hopefully carry me a long way. And thank you TVC,Yonuh, Laurel for being there for me.

Sharon, all the way in Australia...this is so wonderful. So many can identify, and feel...and it's all about being a woman. How much luckier we are then men. I don't think my Hubby has anyone to talk to, and if he did...he probably wouldn't.

Louisa, You made a new start in life as well. I have so many brave ladies here as role models. Yes, that is what you are.

Hey Cletic...you are surprised as I am heh? Well, I never ever thought I had it in me either. I know you once said you are a supporter of partnerships staying together...Believe me, I tried. I really really tried.

Sorry this is all so long, but I just needed to thank each one of you. I got to hold myself back from sounding gushy, ...but that is how I feel. I just love you all and hug you back.
Hannelore

yea i did say i was a supporter of marriges staying together, thats my biase....some people walk to quick some others stay too long, onlie you can decided. That being my biase rember its just my oppinion, i up front about so if people detect a biase tthen they dont need to wonder if its true it reallie is their.

all that being said angel its your life, yours not mine and you do what you feel is best for you. Afterall your the expert on this situasion how bad its been at times and how good its been, you know your limits and boundries and how far you have left to go.

in any and all respects i would support you regardless of what your desision is. married single, divorced dosent alter how or what i think of you theirs no judment in it. I onlie wish for your happiness and contentment wearever you find it.

take good care of yourself.

what are you doing dailie? can you work from wear you are or are you resting?

Celtic, I know where you are coming from. I have tried the last five years to save this marriage. But it can't be normal that he makes me cry at least once a week. I'm a 58 year old mature woman, and not a cry baby. I'm obviously not worth more to him, for him to change his ways.

I'm a good 2 hours drive away from our house, and staying in a hotel by the biggest lake in Europe. It lies between Germany, France and Switzerland, and is just beautiful. It's a lovely city here, flowers everywhere and streets full of people and cafe's. Infact I have checked out senior homes for my Mom, and realestate agencies for an apartment for me. And they aren't even as expensive as where I live!

Last night I drank a glas of wine in an outside cafe', and a few tables away were about 14 Boomer women all laughing and carrying on. Then I looked around, and the older couples just sat and didn't talk to each other. I opened one of my wise books, and read in the candle light. I listened to the laughing women, it was like music in the background, I thought of all of you, and felt so good and so peaceful.

You will not be a bore...we are strong enabling friends.
Keep strong.
Mountain ash

once a weeks a fair bit and then when you add it all together thats a lot of tears. i bet it dose play havok with your sences of self-worth or esteem. i feel soar for you that you dont feel valued or loved by him.

with cheeking out the house prices and nursing homes it sounds like your potenciallie trying to determine how your future life would be in that new town without him? as a certinety.

Its worth a thought towards a new life if your as unhappie as you are and think its beyond repaire. ie for him to change his ways or for you to react diffrentlie to his behaviour.

big desisions for you to make hope that jointlie the varring advice you get heer will aid you at this time.

Longing for femal companie and fun like those woman were having is not a bad thing...think most women benefit from frends and female connections and conectivness weather married or single. I know frends like that and fends heer make a diffrences to my life

Hannelore, sorry I am so late in jumping in to support you. I guess it's because I've always enjoyed reading the posts about you and your family gatherings, so I find this sorta sad. I hope you don't get upset with me but I have a few questions.

-What happened five years ago that made him change?

-Is that when you became totally independent with your own real estate business?

-Do you think he's jealous of your success?

-Did the kids leave five years ago?

-What happened to him around that time personally or professionally?

-Do you think he's depressed and needs counseling and/or medication?

You don't have to answer these questions for me. I just thougth I'd throw them out there because 31 years is a long time.

However, I don't believe you should be held prisoner in your own marriage. Since you were able to move so quickly, I imagine this has been simmering for a very long time.

Please keep us posted on how you continue to feel.

By the way, how is your mom feeling? I recall you had a scare before you went away.

Your observation of the couples and boomer women is very telling. I wish we could be there for you in person.

Feel love and warmth coming your way because it is. I beleive you are a strong woman with her head on straight. I have faith that you will do what is best.

Dotsie, I can imagine this being a surprise, because I never really wanted our marriage problems to be real. Not admitting to them to the world, except to Chatty, and later on to Celtic was like avoiding the first step to self realization.

My husband always had a problem with my family members. I don't know why. He just sees everything negative about them ( and when I tell you there is nothing negative, that is the truth.) I'm close to my Mom and my brother, but not abnormally close. Because of his attitude he forces me into a defensive stand, which he interperts as 'him against us'. Eeee this is sounding sick. Of course his attitude worsened when my mother's second husband died, and Mom moved down the street from us. Yes...that was about 5 years ago, so there is a connection.

Maybe he was jealous of my business at first, but then when he retired 6 years ago, he got involved with it, and we actually work well together. Sometimes I tell him I would like to quit and just pursue writing and painting...but he doesn't support me there. Although I got to admit, he may be right on that account.

One son left 10 years ago and the other 5 years ago. The difference is that he scolds me more now; ... since no one is there to witness.

No, he doesn't suffer under depression...but if he keeps this up with me...he'll probably trigger it in me. You know Dotsie, I can remember you wrote in one of your posts how much everyone loves your husband and that is why you love him so much. Exactly this is what I miss in my husband. I wish he were more American! I miss him giving big happy smiles, making people feel comfortable in his prescence....whatever...he has turned into an old fart when it comes to other people. Sorry, can't think of any other word.

My mother is in care at her home. She supports me however I decide without trying to influence me. She is so precious that way. Especially because she knows that Hubby can't stand her, and has often asked, "what have I done to him?"

Those were good questions Dotsie, and have helped me see clearly.
I'm doing okay. I have to drive home tonight, because I have a doctor's appointment in the morning. Oh boy...we'll see what happens.

If you don't hear from me soon, call the German police....No, I'm only kidding. Where is that high -pitched hysterical laugh coming from? I better get out of this computer cafe' before they throw me out.

Hugs and thank you's for caring.
Hannelore