HL...haven't forgotten you...just haven't been around much...you're in my thoughts every day!

not been in all weekend so just catching up.....hope you doing ok hl i also thinking of ya.

Honestly, if I am feeling better today, it's because of all your wonderful posts! I tip my hat to anyone who has read this entire thread…"As the Stomach Turns"…is turning into a series.

JJ, you made me think, and it did tug at my heart strings; especially that question you posted;
"Why would he pick that one particular way of hurting you? BECAUSE....he knows it would." Hubby prefers to go to the therapist alone. I don't care, as long as he goes, and the Vodoo Doc can drive the 'demon' out of him.

Hi pattilou… Thank you for sharing your positive experience and welcome to the greatest place on the net.

Shirley, I am so touched that new members partake and share their personal stories. You said;
"He went cold on me, spent a whole summer sleeping head down in the bed (ie I slept with his his feet next to my face :rolleyes:)"..
Sorry but this made me laugh. If my Hubby did that to me…I wouldn't have to leave him…I'd die first from the smell.

Celtic, have you been celebrating all weekend with Po? Makes me happy to hear happy stories. Jane, thank you.

Mitzkity, your last line made me smile too, "it's ALL ABOUT US! not THEM!"

Glad you're feeling better Hannalore!
And I hope everything works out the way you'd like it to.
I guess first you'll need to decide how you'd like it to turn out though...
Best of luck girlfriend!

Guten Tag, Mein Fruend (hope I spelled all that correctly...it's been ages since I had to spell in German). I hope this finds you having a better day than yesterday and with more hope for tomorrow.
Hey...your hug angel is sitting on my shoulder waving at the screen. I'm sending her back your way to give you more hugs...:)
Hang in there dear friend and always remember you're not alone...you have all of us cheering you on. In the meantime, keept these thoughts in mind:

How long will this hurt? As long as you want it to.
How long will someone keep hurting me? As long as you let them.

Keep that beautiful chin up and even though you don't feel like smiling, remember your BWS friends are here and when you can't smile for yourself, we'll do it for you.

Hannelore, so glad to see you haven't lost your sense of humor!

How's he acting? Is there any difference in the way he's treating or tending to you? I hope you are able to LIVE and not stay focused on this all the time. How are you? Is your mind preoccupied with other stuff? I know marriage issues can be overwhelming.

I'm praying you are taking one day at a time, keeping up with work, golfing and making time for YOU! Are you?

Hannelore,
Glad things are going better for you.

I feel confident that the counceling will go well.

::trying to use that positive thinking::

Laurel

dear dear friend..i can´t help calling you friend because your letter sounds so much like me quite a few years ago..i don´t think your desperation and sadness is just about the incident with your poor mom. you write, "i am so sick of this never-ending tyranny".. Hannelore, can you breathe..be happy and light hearted (which you definitely are judging by your mails) and alittle crazy in your marriage? Can you listen to the music you want to? Do you feel free? Can you be YOU? Do you know who YOU is? Read your own mail again, dearest.. do you hear what you are saying? Really hear it?

You ask what would i do? i left my husband after 34yrs of marriage and we lost a child together, Hannelore. We had 5 kids together. I spent 15 yrs trying to make it work..trying to survive..making myself the culprit..the guilty one. i am not saying that i don´t have my share in what happened..but i couldn´t go on killing myself..not in the end. we had our good times, even during the last 15yrs. our love and life went up and down..but i was smothering myself. at 53, i decided that i just didn´t have all that much time left of life. and what i had left, i had to live another way..BREATHING FREELY and CALMLY. i couldn´t live feeling guilty anymore because i couldn´t live up to my husband´s expectations and rules. and i didn´t want to. his rules were so different from mine. i found that i don´t have that many rules after all these years of living. life is an adventure which should be experienced, loved and laughed in. it´s not a valley of tears and alot of "musts" as my husband loved to say. Does any of this ring a bell in your heart? If not, then i am way off base..which i can be not knowing you at all..and even if i did know you, i could be totally wrong. But you wrote, "i feel tyranized" and it just struck a cord in my heart. and i had to write to you.

i am not advocating divorce. it´s a very tough road to go. and not the one to be recommended. unless you are dying inside. i left my husband in the summer of 2000. and i had to work my way up again from my own "black hole".. but now i can say that it was worth it. i lost 40pounds in 3 months, if you can believe it. ok, i needed it..but i have put it all back on since then. i am now living with a swedish sambo and my youngest son,17. my sambo is only 34yrs old. but as a good friend said, "i understand your thinking. you don´t want to replicate what you had before..you are doing something new, different" or something to that effect. and she´s right. i won´t marry again either. that was with my husband and my children. in sweden the marriage thing isn´t all that important anyway. legally or otherwise. i don´t feel anger or anything towards my husband now. i had to work my way thru all that..but i did. it is sad and tragic that we couldn´t make a go of it all the way to the end. it´s what i planned..dreamed of, if you will. but we grew apart over the years. noone is to blame. there IS no blame. i love him for what he gave me and what we built and lost together. and yes, we lost alot. but i had to go..to save myself. i couldn´t be "tyranized" anymore.

So,Hannelore (i love your name), i wrote this just to give you something to think about. not to advise you in any direction..whatever you do or don´t do..it will work out for the best. life usually does. you are exactly where you should be right now. and your life and your love will show you the way..when you are ready... i sincerely..very sincerely send you my love and write again if you want/need to..

A few questions and thoughts to think about:
1)do you have friends or your own family that react to the way your husband treats you?
2)your spoken and unspoken dreams/plans for your future..are they similiar to those your husband has?
3)do you feel that your husband SEES you and HEARS you and APPRECIATES you?
4)your economy will not be what you have now. Is that ok? is it worth it? can you make it on your own?

Ok, lots of love, hannelore, i mean it!!!!!

mitzkitie i loved that too and i find it so true for life and viewed in that light we have self control over thosebits even if not over our partners..

ah HL its onlie turning into a seriouse as you put it becouse a lot of women love and care for you heer...dosen't it show iteself! and we all intrested in seeing you ok and how it turnes out..

hubbie wantting to go to "vodoo head doc" lol maybee indicates he dose have some stuff to air that he wouldn't want you too heer some times thats about the other person sometimes thats about his pride or not wanting to be vulrible with you knowing whats "up or wrong with him" (as some people view it)

yep me and po had dinner and she went home with lucien at weekend...now she researching and buzzing with ideas...its good to see her so engroused with it all...

i also got a pushbike hadent had one in over 24 yrs oh they changed soooo much lol have suspecsion and all lol...i been enjoying the nice weather lucien was a bit jelouse he's not a big enough boy to peddle it so i weel him around sitting on the saddle...he got over his jelousie in one afternoon and now cuddles it and forever poking it and "whats that" oh look ....brakes lol. its all good heer at the moment, thank god.

PS(grannie annie got her pakage and i didnt tell onces what it was and you know how hard that was for me lol)