Quote:

But a more effective question, perhaps, is "Why did you feel a need to say that?"



I've had to use that question and it is very effective...sometimes I've even managed to ask myself the question BEFORE saying something I would have regretted saying. I'm "highly sensitive" with well-honed defense mechanisms, so know that I tend to respond out of automatic defensiveness against perceived hurt. I'm learning to stop and think before responding that way now, because I'm realizing more and more that very little of what people say is actually about "me", but more about them and their woundedness and need for affirmation.
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When you don't like a thing, change it.
If you can't change it, change the way you think about it.

(Maya Angelou)