Lil,
You are so kind to your mother in law.From reading your posts I have a lot of respect for you.
My mother was diagnosed with dementia and we suffered through it with her different from what you are going through and yet there were times.
I used a coping mechanism that helped me with it and it may sound crazy but it worked for me. I separated her into the mother I knew before
and then the mother who was in the nursing home.
They were the same and yet different.
I don't know if it will work for you but felt like sharing this.
It's hard to remember that they really aren't attacking you or your friends but its the disease.
Keep up the good work. You will be in my prayers.
Maggie