The grass is NOT greener on the other side. Its just that from where you're standing (viewing your life), the Sun is casting a different light on it (another life looks exciting).

You have/had love, you have history, you grew up together. Before you move away from that, if you were even planning on doing so, I would do everything within my power to recapture the love. Was he at one time your best friend?

I think everyone has given some great advice and its been from both sides of the fence, so to speak. We never know what's in another person's heart without asking them.

Ask him point blank if there's still room for you there...

Mrs. Madness,
I just think if your husband doesn't cheat on you, doesn't hang out at the bars all hours of the day and night, and doesn't abuse you physically or mentally...there's hope to turn around whatever is wrong. Some guys cannot express their feelings. Some say things that have absolutely NO substance. Their words are like cotton candy; if you could bite into them, they'd leave a sweet taste but be worthless. Sometimes a spiritual connection is far superior to sexual satisfaction. [This is just my opinion, of course.] I've known women whose husbands were after them to have sex almost nonstop. And they complained big time! Nothing is perfect. Decide what is important to you. And then focus on that!
Prayers and blessings,
bonnie rose

P.S. I too am sorry you have to go through this. Life is short. We need to find happiness!

mrsmadness...how are you doing??? Thinking of you...

Meh. I'm ok.

I've just been in kind of a funk lately. Mr. Madness and I not getting along so well....I feel so used and unappreciated. Maybe that is just the lot of wives and mothers.

I mean, I work all day just like he does. How come I can't come in exhausted at the end of the day and sit down to watch TV while waiting for my dinner to appear? When was the last time he gave me a massage or rubbed my feet? Huh? When was the last time he told me I was an irresistibly beautiful bundle of sumptuous womanhood?

I've been ruefully reflecting on my life. I spent half a lifetime working and taking care of the family I loved and being the best mother and wife I knew how to be. Now here I am 30 years later, still look good, and I'm treated like the cleaning lady.

I remember the promise of the future when the kids were little and how happy I was....and now in my 50's after all that work and caring and effort, I have nothing to show for it. Just an aging woman without hearth or home that no one gives a damn about.

This was not how I expected my life to turn out. This is not what I had imagined for my future 20 years ago. This is not what I wanted. I was bright and pretty and loving--and everything I've done has added up to nothing. I'm really disappointed. Like everything else though I suppose I'll get over it.

Aging is learning how to live with losses.

I belong to several LARGE groups of women and I would say that in these groups of women, NONE admit to being happy. If its not one problem its another. Each envys someone else. Anymore its not who has the happiest life, its who is willing to be happy with what cards they've been dealt.
Believe me, the grass is not always greener on the other side. Cultivate the seeds, plants (people) in your garden so they grow into what you desire them to be. If you spend all your time being miserable, envious and looking at other gardens, all you're going to grow are weeds. Don't we think men have the same feeling as they age...They see youth disappearing too, and know they are on the downside of life. How often do you rub his feet, or offer to give him a massage? You start it, but be sure he knows whats good for him is equally good for you. Even the good men need to be led by the nose most of the time, its just the way their made.

First, I believe raising a family is the highest calling. So please do not sell yourself short in that department.

What I see happening is a lack of purpose. I don't mean to be blunt, but the kids are gone and they were your life. I can totally relate. I was a stay at home mom to three children and when kids leave there can be a huge void unless we choose to fill it with something else.

While we should be able to look to our husbands to make us feel good, I believe we need to look within ourselves to make us feel good. What makes you tick? What is your passion? What are you doing when you lose total track of time? Reflect on those things and try to get excited about beginning a new life that gives purpose to you. Does that make any sense at all?

I'll be praying that you are intentional about finding your own happiness in the next few months. There is no rush, but just start pondering what you want for your second adulthood. And hang with us and share. We'll do all we can to be good listeners and friends.

mrs madness, sorry to hear you are still in a funk. Go back and reread what Dotsie wrote, they are my sentiments, exactly.

We each need to find ways to create our happiness. We can't depend on others, even husbands or children, to provide us happiness.

I wish the very best for you. I know, if you want to and reflect on what makes you happy, you will find the road to joy.

Mrs. Madness, one thing us single gals have learned is that you can't expect a man to make you happy. You have to find happiness for yourself, within yourself. You have to find the activities, hobbies, education, etc that please you and fulfill you. In doing so you may find that he comes around-he may find you more interesting etc. If nothing else finding new activities will add new topics to discuss at the dinner table. Finding new things to do for you will help your self esteem and confidence which will also help your relationship with him.

Dotsie's right, now that kids are grown, replace that empty spot with things for you. Don't expect him to fill your void. You've worked hard...if he won't take a trip with you then get away by yourself somewhere and take time to get to know you. You may be surprised by what you learn about yourself.

I agree with those who said that you and your husband need to plan a get-a-way, just the two of you.

Where would he enjoy going that would wake him up?

If possible, find a place without a television.

If money is an issue, see if you can borrow a friend or relative's cabin or home while they are away. House sit for someone.

New surroundings, even for a weekend, can sometimes improve a relationship.

Counceling would help if it's in your budget to do so.

I think you have too many years invested to throw it all away.

Think of the financial ramifications.

I ran across a website that talks about depression in Russia. You sound a little depressed. Even if you aren't it tells of services for marriage counceling.

Depression in Russia


I hope you find happiness in whatever you decide to do.