The guy needs to be dumped and you need a young lover.

I was going to suggest the Five Love Languages as Dianne did. I just finished reading it for the 2nd time - it is VERY insightful.

The person who wrote the book helped several dead marriages.

Being a newly divorced gal myself, I would advise you to REALLY think about it. The grass IS greener, but the water bill IS higher. There are alot of creeps out there....I would give your marriage every chance there is!

danita

I'm sorry you are feeling so low, Mrs. Madness! Our sexual beings are so important. And it's important that we satisfy ourselves (by ourselves, if we must), just to keep the juices flowing.

It sounds like you both made some bargains at the beginning of the marriage, even if they were unspoken. By not having a honeymoon, it seems that you agreed that your needs were not important, that bringing home a paycheck and mowing the lawn were things that you expected. I would assume, although you don't say, that your part of the bargain was to raise the children and keep the house.

In my experience (and I've been divorced three times and now married to a wonderful man) and training (I'm a coach), the most important part of any relationship is you. You need to really define who you are, what you want, and what you need. You need to acknowledge the agreements that you have made -- either consciously or unconsciously. Dotsie's suggestion of taking time for yourself is a good one.

Once you have done that, you'll know the needs that you can get met outside your marriage and what you desire in it. Orchid's suggestion of really fully living your own life is also good.

It's amazing what can happen when you start making changes on yourself. Your husband may take notice and start paying attention. Or not. In the latter case, then you can start having discussions with him about what you need and want.

These are all my opinions. I hope they are helpful, but feel free to toss them on the rubbish heap if they don't make sense to you! :-))

My husband took his co-worker to lunch and movies several times bought her gifts and calls her up and bought her child gifts, she is a single mom. He went to see her new house and writes her very "sweet e-mails. Should I be worried? We have been married over 30 years the co-worker is 32 and he says he is her mentor and she is a very good friend and they pray the bible together. Am I being stupid to be suspicious? Turtle

Worry.

And take action.

Mrs. Madness, How goes it on the home front?

It´s never too late, mrs. madness. I divorced my husband of 32yrs and 5 children when I was about 53yrs old. I am not saying it was easy..it was a very tough time for me a long while afterwards. But today at almost 60, I am living in a pleasant 1 1/2 bedroom apartment (ok, we are 3-4 people/kids living it and it does get tight,but so what?). The apartment is all mine anyway. And I am living with a man much younger than I am. And life is good..with it´s ups and downs, of course. I have found myself..most of the time.. I do loose myself now and again. My 17 yr old son lives with us and we have a relationship that I don´t think we could ever have had if I was still married.

I am not advocating divorce in any way. The absolute best is aging together I am sure, if you can. But your possiblilites aren´t over at 50 or more..not by any means..there is SO MUCH to be experienced..both old and new!
I truely hope that you can do this with your husband, but if you find that you can´t..it´s ok too.

Mrs. Madness,
Just because hubby doesn't tell you he loves you, or that you're the most beautiful woman ever, or he can't live
without you, isn't necessarily a sign that he doesn't feel that way. My first husband wrote me the most wonderful card two weeks before he ran off with his girlfriend. We'd been married 14 years. He kissed me. He bought me nice things. He worked. He was attentive. My second husband, we've been married 20 + years, is very conservative and says little. He'd never gush or say pretty stuff or be affectionate. But he doesn't run around, either. I can count on him. I trust him. He may be quiet but he's a good man! Think this through. The grass isn't greener on the other side of the fence. The next guy might be ten times worse. Good men are few and far between.
Prayers and blessings,
bonnierose

I second what bonnierose said. My ex was always telling me he loved me, brought me flowers and other little gifts. Of course, I found out later that he was bedding anything in skirts. My current partner isn't very affectionate, but shows me in a thousand little ways how he feels about me. I once thought I couldn't be with him because he isn't affectionate, but he respects me, pays attention to me, and tells me how wonderful I am. I trust him completely. We have been together for 12 years now, and things only get better.

Only you can decide what you can live with; it's totally your decision. But whatever you decide, it has to be what works for you. And we're all here to support you.