Mrs. Madness, there has been a lot of wisdom shared here already, but here's my thoughts.

Instead of looking for what your husband isn't doing, look for what he is doing and acknowledge that to him. Focus on the good -- just like you do with kids.

Has his behavior changed? Or has your view of his behavior changed? He might be thinking, this is how we have always lived -- what's the ruckus all about? My perception (which might be totally off the wall) is that culturally, many Russian men that I know wouldn't be caught dead doing "women's work." So, it might take some negotiating (or flat-out refusal) on your part to get him to take on chores. So, in the dinner instance, have the conversation and see what he is willing to do and then hold him to it. If he agrees to make dinner on Sunday and then doesn't, take yourself out to eat. Don't grumble and make dinner. It will take a while. You are asking him to change -- and we all resist change for the most part! LOL!

Thanks for all your thoughts.

Casey, we are both 100% American working overseas. My husband is NOT Russian (shudder, god forbid ).

A lot of our issues are definately caused by our current living conditions. Counseling/therapy of any kind is all but unheard of in Russia. So is English. Doesn't exist. The cultural milieu in Moscow is also undoubtedly a part of the issue. This is a pit of debauchery, moral vacancy, degeneration, and general gloom. You would not be surprised that our employment here comes with a lot of lucrative perks because this is definitely considered to be a hardship post. After 4 years I have come to despise Moscow. I really really hate this place. And yes, that probably figures into my discontent as well.

But I think more the issue is that if we're going to live in these isolated foreign places, we need some better glue than what we've got holding us together. Did I say that his libido in our marriage has gone from stud to dud? Did I mention that we had a lot of problems last year when I found craploads of porn in his part of the computer? Did I mention that he even calls me ''mother''?

I am not his mother! Nor do I appreciate the homespun handknitted implications of being a chicken soup kind of gal. I like to think that there is still plenty of fire left in my boiler, but he doesn't seem to see it.

But you are right, I should try harder to appreciate the things that I have always liked about him. Bottom line is though, after all we've been through, I just want to be loved. And no, not like his mother!

Mrs.Madness, you have a point -- if you are isolated in these places, it is necessary to have a true partner in your life. It's really too bad that counseling/therapy isn't available.

Have you read Relationship Rescue by Dr. Phil? It might give you some ideas. Dr. Phil can be a bit harsh, I think, but there's food for thought in the book that might help.

It sounds like there are some serious issues. I would definitely put a stop to being called mother! :-))

Sending good wishes...

Attack him. Swing that bra over your head, and drive him nuts!!!!!

You go girl!

This image is toooo much! Be careful, Mrs. Madness, you might be taken in for assault and battery with a bra!

Casey, you mention Dr. Phil being a little harsh. Just like with any self-help book, I take what works and leave the rest. Mrs madness, glad to hear you are treating yourself to fun things. I have a very funny Victoria's Secret story that I don't think I've shared here yet. I now wear those bras, thanks to a sales girl who works at Coldwater Creek, but once worked at VS. Want to hear it?

Duh...Dotsie...spill it! Of course we want to hear!

I was returning something at Coldwater Creek and asked a clerk for help with a size. She looked at me and said, "Girl, you need to get yourself a good bra. Look at you. You need support."

She then proceeded to tell me how nice I was built, but that I needed help in the breast department. I got a kick out of it. She asked if she could help me. She was hysterical. I'm in to seld-improvement so I was her girl. She said. "Come on honey. Walk over here with me. I used to work at Victoria Secret and I'm going to help you out." She left her job at CC and walked across to VS with me in tow.

Honestly. She was wild. She marched me in there and fit me. Talked me in to buying a few new bras and I've never turned back.

I guess I could have been totally insulted, but she was right. I did need help!