Ann...I find that amazing that you "spoon" even when you are angry at each other. I can't do that. The bed can't be wide enough when we quarrel.

I'm not a cuddly sleeper either. When Hubby's arm lies across my stomach...I usually wake up in a hot sweat after dreaming that some one is toasting a waffle; ... me being the waffle. If he could, he'd lay one leg over both of my legs, wrap his arms around me, and snore right into my middle ear.
Yikes, just the thought makes me break into a sweat, never mind the flashes! I need my room to spread eagle if I like;… pant pant. Am I alone on this?

Casey, I know about the hot flashes making me roll over as far away as possible! Mine are pretty much done now, so we are spooning longer before I run off.

Hannelore, we made a deal when we first got together that we would never go to bed mad at each other. There have only been 3 times, in 6 years, that I have refused to sleep in the same bed with him. It is not easy to spoon him when I am angry with him, but it seems to remind both of us that we are mad with one part of the person, not the whole person.

As far as the snoring - I snore like a Texas Chainsaw Murderer and Dennis sings, yells and preaches in his sleep. We are quite the pair!

LOL! What a great method to scare burglars away!

Oh yes, Ann, I've heard about that saying not to go to bed mad at each other…we try…but sometimes we fight when we're in bed! Hah! Our marriage is a crazy rollercoaster ride. I wish it wasn't that way…but with the downs…we do have our delightful ups.

Quote:

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It is not easy to spoon him when I am angry with him, but it seems to remind both of us that we are mad with one part of the person, not the whole person.

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Anno...
That is such a beautiful thought...

I like that too, Anno.

Earlier we were asked the question about hurting someone else's feelings in the process of doing something for ourselves. There are tough decisisons to be made throughout life, but one in particular I can think of is the decision to leave my husband of 21 years. He was a rageaholic though and we were all afraid of him. (three daughters and I). It hurt him terribly. He went off the deep end for a while, but I knew I was doing the right thing.

I hate hurting anyone at all. Sometimes it seems the consequence of doing the right thing hurts another. Maybe its because they aren't on the same page as you.

It hurt me when my daughter came home from jail and didn't want to live in the house I bought for she and her children. It hurt when she basically rejected me after I had taken care of her affairs and her children and paid for all of her jail calls and went to visit her 2 hrs. away.

Now, I realize she needed desperately to cut her own trail. She needed to learn to take care of herself and now that she is clean, it is a fresh new experience for her. I'm so happy and delighted for her as I see her accomplishments and her self sufficiency.

Its good to NOT be needed on that level.

i like that quote too jane, ...anno its very true and i bet it makes the anger or hurt go a bit quicker....cuddling and focusing on the postive bits of the person...

newleaf. i gess it is nice not to be needed espacillie when you get chance to be proud of how well she is doing in the world....I am glad you and your d have came to understanding about her not moving in with you. Hope your relashionship with her goes from strenth to strenth and your pride at her accivments. Thats your babie girl doing so well...

celtic

NL,
Your post got to the essence of the other quote...you hurt your husband (in a sense) to be true to yourself and the safety of your children...your daughter hurt you (in a sense)in order to be true to herself and to begin to live independently...

Those choices are never easy...but they yield the best outcomes in the long run...

Oh, absolutely, Jane Carroll. I've been hurt so many times. It seems I wear my heart on my sleeve sometimes surrounded by a huge neon sign that says "hit me". But there is always a reason and I just have to back down and trust that there is a plan and I'm not in charge.

I keep reminding my husband, who isn't a believer, that he just needs to understand that everything in our lives will play out in a way that is best for all of us.

I'm thinking more and more each day that I don't need anyone right now. All my life I've been used and abused and have taken care of everyone else but me. Now I'm starting to take care of myself and to understand that, indeed, I am very different from the norm.

My husband even said this morning that I shouldn't be a part of this forum because I'm so different from anyone else. He advised me to save face and bow out. I told him I have just as much right as a 57 yr. old woman to be a part of this forum as anyone else.

We were discussing music. He is a huge fan of doowop. I like doowop in its context and I like music from every era. I even went through a big band thing where I enjoyed Tommy Dorsey and the like. But now I like hip hop. He said people relate to the music that touched them during the formative years of their lives.

I reminded him that my formative years haven't even begun and I'm still being affected by music. I am a changling and so many things affect me and stir my passion. It takes many, many outlets of expression to paint my picture.

Danita
I am curious as to whether you have looked into any of the weekend get aways? They sound very interesting.

Please let us know if the learn at home kit was good in content, not just packaging. I am considering making a purchase myself.

i pm her and got a good answere that way, don't know if danita is following the thread but ya can have a good old yarn in private anno if she dosent get back to you. ya can talk more deatail then...