I lost four relatives in one year (two in the same week) and it does become overwhelming. The gals on this site helped me a lot when my aunt passed. At their suggestion, I took her picture from it's hiding place (couldn't look at it) and placed it by my computer. It helped me a lot.

You might need to take some time to work through your grief. It takes longer to go away if we don't. Not fun to deal with but it's like a scab that we keep picking at and it never heals where if we let it bleed and scab over and then, leave it alone it will heal. A scar perhaps but better than the continued pain.

I know you're struggling but I also know once your meds kick in you will feel better. Keep venting and talking. Get it all out. We're here to listen.