Understand what everyone is saying. Thank you Vicki for the invitation to speak one on one.

Celtic, my way of handling loss is to immediately get so busy that I wear myself out, which is what I think I've done. Just keep pushing, pushing. I do look for even the tiniest things in my life to make me happy. I really do. Even a candle or a little bit of tea.

But right now, I can't even eat a full meal. I keep eating comfort foods like cookies and cake. Not helpful, I know. I know I have to do what you suggested and continue to look for the good. Focus on the good.

But, I might have to finally grieve the losses I ignored and face the losses I'm not experiencing. I hate this feeling.

Bachhandgrip, I see that you are new to this site. Thank you for taking the time to respond to my plea for help.
I did lapse on my meds, have been back on them this week, waiting for them to kick in.

I'm experiencing loneliness today. Wonder if this is part of the grieveing process. Will try to scrapbook. This was a favorite hobby of mine. I used to meet with others to crop, but my local store closed down. so, I was going to try to arrange a once a month crop in my neighborhood. But just don't have the energy to do so now. It's hard to get out of bed. Sounds self-indulgent, but that's how depression feels. It hurts physically as well as mentally. Never, ever thought I'd go into one of these pits again. So disappointed in myself.

Love all of you who are so supportive,

Emily in Maryland, who is trying, really trying