Thank you Celtic and Dianne.

At least I made it to work this morning. Happy it's Friday.

I've been sleeping more than I usually do, but as long as I'm getting out of the house everyday and being productive, I guess my body needs the rest.

It occurred to me last night: during the month of March, I lost my best friend, my dad and my father-in-law. The deaths occurred about two years apart. The fact that this seemed to "pop" into my mind tells me that this month may be a trigger time for me. Funny how the subconcious works.

Then I hear about friends moving and my neighbor moving -- all losses and of course, my therapist.

I think all of these losses have just taken their toll.

Does this sound logical to anyone else?

Everyone who is helping me has no idea how much your support means to me.

I'll be here for anyone else dealing with depression. I try to help others, which gives me a positive feeling. That's one positive about depression or any other major illness -- if you can get beyond it, character traits such as compassion and understanding develop and grow -- just like Diane described -- slowly and quietly in ones heart.

Love,
Emily

There is my sister's, sister in law who I have known for years and years and also has inherited her mother's mental health problem. Her daughter now has it, too. Yes, these things are inherited and as a result the daughter has decided not to have her own children.

My experience with that family leads me to say, yes do find a new therapist and whatever you don't lapse in taking your meds or neglect finding one! You have a disease, just like diabetes which you must always take care of. And don't feel sorry for youself, just manage the illness!

Keeping busy is a good proactive thing to do also.Find a project and let us know about the results!(like cooking or painting or cleaning a closet or making a collage or scapebook for a relative)

Emily, it definitely sounds logical to me. Even if you weren't thinking about all the losses you experienced, your mind and body were processing them.

This is a time to be good to yourself. Do things you enjoy. Pamper yourself. Give yourself time to grieve over your losses.

If you ever need to talk about your depression, you can PM me. You can count on me as a part of your support team.

sometime we get so bizy or distracted in life we don't get to experince the impact at the time a loss happens then their is a build up and one more loss j8ust lets lose the whole bundle of feelings.....so you had recent losses and they maybee woke up the further away losses, hope that a clear way to put it.

I got a wee habit over heer of asking mates frends etc. how are they...they tell me then i aske them well anything nice going on in your life, trying to steep the chat in a positive way.....its something i aske my self too. Then i gotta think is their anything nice? when i look i find something even if it a messed up black day i can still find a little something....Not discreditting all that is going on in your life thats painfull i just like you to aske yourself what is nice in your life today? despite the not good stuff

celtic

Understand what everyone is saying. Thank you Vicki for the invitation to speak one on one.

Celtic, my way of handling loss is to immediately get so busy that I wear myself out, which is what I think I've done. Just keep pushing, pushing. I do look for even the tiniest things in my life to make me happy. I really do. Even a candle or a little bit of tea.

But right now, I can't even eat a full meal. I keep eating comfort foods like cookies and cake. Not helpful, I know. I know I have to do what you suggested and continue to look for the good. Focus on the good.

But, I might have to finally grieve the losses I ignored and face the losses I'm not experiencing. I hate this feeling.

Bachhandgrip, I see that you are new to this site. Thank you for taking the time to respond to my plea for help.
I did lapse on my meds, have been back on them this week, waiting for them to kick in.

I'm experiencing loneliness today. Wonder if this is part of the grieveing process. Will try to scrapbook. This was a favorite hobby of mine. I used to meet with others to crop, but my local store closed down. so, I was going to try to arrange a once a month crop in my neighborhood. But just don't have the energy to do so now. It's hard to get out of bed. Sounds self-indulgent, but that's how depression feels. It hurts physically as well as mentally. Never, ever thought I'd go into one of these pits again. So disappointed in myself.

Love all of you who are so supportive,

Emily in Maryland, who is trying, really trying

meant to say "the losses I'm now facing." (didn't bother to edit or spell check)

Emily

I lost four relatives in one year (two in the same week) and it does become overwhelming. The gals on this site helped me a lot when my aunt passed. At their suggestion, I took her picture from it's hiding place (couldn't look at it) and placed it by my computer. It helped me a lot.

You might need to take some time to work through your grief. It takes longer to go away if we don't. Not fun to deal with but it's like a scab that we keep picking at and it never heals where if we let it bleed and scab over and then, leave it alone it will heal. A scar perhaps but better than the continued pain.

I know you're struggling but I also know once your meds kick in you will feel better. Keep venting and talking. Get it all out. We're here to listen.

Okay Dianne,

I'm going to see my old therapist in a few minutes. It's taken me a long time to get myself ready. Much as I hate going to work right now, it's better than the weekends when I have nothing to do.

I'm feeling very low today. I'm just feeling worn out. Going to report all of this to the old therapist, who has moved on to another job.

Hopefully, he'll find me a new one quicker.

Wish those meds would kick in. Think I have to go into a one day at a time mode, right now. Tried to contact some of my old friends and couldn't.

I feel like I have a really bad cold that won't go away.

Sorry, hope I'm not bringing anyone down.

Love,
Emily

I was told the meds can take up to two weeks to really kick in. One morning you will notice a difference, slowly, you'll start to feel better. Just hang in there until then.

This week end thing...when I was divorced I hated them. They were lonely...the kids all had things to do and weren't home and I was depressed and didn't feel good enough to go out and didn't feel good enough to stay home! I couldn't wait for Monday morning to arrive so I could go back to work.

You don't need to apologize.

Emily,
I hope your appointment went well yesterday. I just read the part about the losses in March and that 'March' could be a trigger for you. Yes...Yes...Yes...I know this from personal experience...the anniversaries of certain events tend to evoke the same feelings that we had during the actual event.

I have read studies about that as well. Now, you've learned a vital piece of information...too late to work for this year...but next year...plan in advance for March. Have some things that nurture you all lined up. Remind yourself in January and February to stay on your meds...even if you feel like a million bucks then!

Even though this time is feeling dark...you are really making progress...progress that is changing the course of your life! Hang in there! It is getting soooooo much better!