Mustang, I can completely relate to what you are saying. I stayed away from church for a long time, years maybe, because of the clic thing. Some people are afraid of what is different whereas God looks on the heart of an individual, not on the outward appearance.
Still today, being the individual that I am, I go to church now not to see how people are going to react to me as I've learned their reaction won't be favorable, but I go to church now purely to show respect to a God that I love with all my heart, to worship him AND to learn. I've found a church that I really love to attend.

It's an Assembly of God. The pastor and his wife are unassuming and very wise...my pastor gets alone with God and asks Him what message He wants the congregation to hear each week. I like that.

I've resigned myself to the fact that people are fallible. Only God is infallable and only God sees and knows your heart and your every thought and desires an intimate relationship with us.

One thing that brings me such comfort is that God knows my every thought. He already knows about the Chocolate cream pie and the 4 glasses of wine, the hurt and pain from just learning that my husband is cheating again and the sadness and fear of being alone should we decide to get a divorce.

I can talk to Him just like the dearest loving father or brother and He cares so much. Its that knowledge that keeps me going and trying each day to be a better person.

Today's message was the 91st Psalm. He who dwells in the safety of the most high. Our pastor preached this sermon, he said, after 9/11. I love my pastor and his wife, only because I'm learning to trust that he hears and is open to the leading of the Holy Spirit and that neither he or his wife are CEO's but the greatest servants of all. Our pastor holds 4 services each and every Sunday morning. Bless his heart!

NewLeaf, thanks for sharing about your church. Sorry to hear your hubby is cheating agin. You don't deserve that. How are you handling the news?

Mustang, that breaks my heart. I have been in the same prayer group for almost 15 years, or about that. I am so grateful for this group of women because we understand why certain things are confidential and wouldn't dare think of breaking that confidentiality. Certain things need never be repeated. The hearts of these women are in the right place when it comes to sharing other's stories. We know one another well enough to know what can and can't be shared. It's such a blessing! Oh how I wish that for you. Maybe your group was too big? Just wondering.

Rhonda, Sorry to hear about your GDs near miss -- but really glad she is alive and well! And sorry to hear that your husband is cheating again.

Mustang, I feel so bad that those women gossiped, but even more so that you suffered from domestic violence. They are both about breaking trust and that is so sad.

It's so important that we have a circle that we can trust. I find some of it in my Education for Ministry group, but not totally. I am totally comfortable with my writing group. I can say anything I want, knowing it will go no where. I can be grouchy or happy or silly. It's soooo wonderful.

Thanks, Casey. Tonight I made a conscious decision to just ignore him. I'm going to put an invisible thick hedge around myself and just begin to live my own life without divorcing him.

I'm a loyal person and its hard to turn my back on him, but he has turned his back on me so many times I can't count and now this latest thing...it really hurts.

CASEY glade to hear you got a group that you can totalie trust and they accept you in whatever mood or way your in.....that is so important acceptances...i got place for that too and i know how luckie i am i a big fan of peer support whear ever you get it or from whatever group....

NL sorrie to hear you H at his nonsences again, loyaltie dos not deserve that type of trust braking treatment as loyaltie is so varie preciouse as a virtue or personalitie trate....

I bet it dose hurt, that behaviour would hurt anyone....i can still understand the difficultie in turning your back on H especillie being a water sighn and having the type of personalitie that you have just described.....I know we have had our diffrences in the past about certine topics but i still hate to think of you going through all this and its been constant for you

I know you will find your way in it all and find the best thing for you to do about it. I hope for the best plan of acton or road for you out of your present hurt...

DOTSIE delighten you found your circle of trust within a prayer group. That grants one faith in people and a good experinces of religion and those within...it be a delight praying with others in that atmospher of trust and love.

Daddy sent me this in an email tonight - making it fit here...lol:

A lady went to a beauty shop to have her hair cut and her nails painted and trimmed.
As the lady began to work, they began to have a good conversation. They talked about so many things and various subjects.
When they eventually touched on the subject of God, the beautician said : "I don't believe that God exists."
"Why do you say that?" asked Sheryl who has MS.
"Well, you just have to go out in the street to realize that God doesn't exist. Tell me, if God exists, would there be so many sick people? Would there be abandoned children? If God existed, there would be neither suffering nor pain.
I can't imagine a loving God who would allow all of these things."

Then Sheryl thought for a moment, but didn't respond because she didn't want to start an argument.
The beautician just finished her job and the customer left the shop.
Just after she left the beauty shop, she saw a woman in the street with long, stringy, dirty hair and not groomed at all. She looked dirty and unkempt. Then Sheryl turned back and entered the beauty shop again and she said to the beautician: "You know what? Beauticians do not
exist."
"How can you say that?" asked the surprised beautician. "I am here, and I am a beautician. And I just worked on you!"
"No!" Sheryl exclaimed.
"Beauticians don't exist because if they did, there would be no people with dirty long hair and be very unkempt, like that woman outside."
"Ah, but beauticians DO exist! What happens is, people do not come to me."
"Exactly!"- affirmed Sheryl.
"That 's the point!
God, too, DOES exist!

Rules of discussion:
No ugly debating about who is right and who is wrong.
This is meant to be a discussion for discovery and affirmation.
No proselytizing or preaching.

Newleaf, thank you for ignoring the guidelines at every opportunity. You have been proselytizing, proselytizing, proselytizing and proselytizing. I feel like I've been bashed over the head repeatedly with with a large iron club. Everyone in here has bent over backwards to be respectful towards your belief system, and you keep proselytizing. Because you think you are "right," and therefore that gives you the right to ignore guidelines. "Right" as determined by your version of your religion, which condemns everyone and every belief system which is not yours.

You wax ecstatic about the blood of your version of God, but seem unconcerned about the blood gushing from my skull caused by the repeated smashing of your iron club, aka, proselytization.

I guess my blood doesn't count, because I don't have the "right" religious indoctrination.

Which is why we had the Crusades.
And the Inquisition.
And the Salem "witch" trials.
And the Holocaust.
And gays being murdered, today.

But of course, you wouldn't do anything like that. You wish to preserve my body so you can bludgeon my soul.

Which is exactly what it feels like from here.

And for the record -- I felt that everyone else understood that the guidelines were for all of us.

I would like to close this thread, please.